“Do not feed your fears and insecurities, they will consume you”
Another Tuesday as we crawl into the New Year through what feels like the longest January in history. Bar parties and small gatherings. Huddling together for warmth.
A year into this world of polyamory and still years behind understanding. The emotional aspect tends to take away from the all-out sexually excitement swinging once brought us. The days of timid party newbies eager for that perfect swap are behind us. We experience more on our own, while our adventures together seem to fall by the side. The love is still there, but with so many solo situations it’s a struggle sometimes to feel more than a placeholder in someone’s pool of options. Never first, never last. Simply waiting for your next opportunity together. Often feeling like roommates who happen to raise children together. Cancelations and reschedules are the norm lately with everyone catching the extremely contagious omicron.
Somedays, supporting each other’s growing and developing relationships comes easier than others. Swinging was always simple. When the music stopped and the party was over, we returned to each other. Now a continuous light is left on that is not shared between us. The focus turns to learning the patterns of other people and trying to navigate the difficulties we encounter in those connections. For instance, running into vanilla friends while on a date and failing to realize that they probably won’t suspect a thing if you just act normal. Two people can have a meal together and not necessarily be more than acquaintances. Otherwise, not feeling ashamed that “basic” society may not understand. A nagging concern that you are doing something wrong.
It has been a challenge to overcome what we have been programmed to believe about relationships and at times can be downright frightening. What if they are right? What if this doesn’t work? Are we simply playing with fire and going down a path that has no happy outcome? Still, we push forward developing whatever this thing may become. Stiving to one day strip ourselves of the guilt and for once walk our own path with unbreakable confidence.
It’s kind of surreal to have multiple people love you and yet at times feel so alone and grasping for more. Whether in your head or reality, the mind constantly struggles to keep things in control where control is impossible. Acceptance of what is and letting go of what was seems to be the best solution thought not the easiest.
It is not easy to move forward with this lifestyle without thinking of the future. Instead, we simply focusing on the present. Moment to moment feels right most times until the doubt creeps its way back in.
Winter for most of us brings on seasonal depression. Compound that with the darkness already present and we find these relationships leave us feeling like outsiders to those we have always counted on to be a beacon of comfort.
Today it will be 26 degrees. Cold as the heart of a scorned lover, cursed with mistrust and trauma. There is no advice that may be given. We don’t know what lies ahead. Awareness of all the life lost around us is a wakeup call to either go for it all or hold on to what we have already built.
Thank you for listening to my mind’s swirls of doubt and frustration. There is no need to hide behind a smile or false reality. Things are not always perfect, but each moment we have a chance to give our all and hope to show up for the world and our partners in the best form possible. Try to forgive, try to nourish hopes and follow dreams. As long as our intentions are pure, then our actions will hopefully match.
What are issues you’ve run into as swingers or any form of ethical non-monagomy you may be involved in? What helped you overcome your fears and doubts? Mental health has such power over us and how we react to outside elements. How are you handling things these days? Please share a thought or words of encouragement if you can. Or if you are facing battles that could use the wisdom of others, please share that as well. Building a community of likeminded people gives some sense of relief knowing we are not completely isolated and alone.
Still working out some details on the podcast, and a lot has been pushed back due to constant scheduling changes. Also, the long-awaited review of National Swingers Weekend 2021 is nearly complete. Hopefully it will be complete before NSW 2022 is upon us. It seems the party planning for this year’s event is already underway and if you plan to go, tickets are now available. Head to, http://www.lifeinstylestl.com for the latest. Make sure to follow us on Instagram and all our social media outlets. http://www.instagram.com/swingopenmo
Be kind to eachother and yourselves.
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