Why do we torture ourselves? Two are high school sweethearts, just having celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We are very much in love and yet, here we are. Going on dates, or trying to, anyways. Why? People like us, out there on dates!? Many of us weren’t any good at it in high school or college. So, here’s an idea. How about now we get out there and bring all the self-doubt, fears of rejection, and potential heartbreak back into our lives? Like, literally what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck is wrong with us? There’s got to be a common thread. A vine of some sort that links us all, intertwined in these taboos, this, “alternative” relationship world. But, what?
The way it grows, expands and takes over is fascinating. There seems to be a progression to which you are no longer touching your toes in the water. You’re performing full on somersault swan dives into the deep end. People look to you for answers. They want to know where the best parties are. They want to get in.
It all really comes back to boundaries and how far you are willing to push your own. In the beginning, it was how far we could push them as a couple. Overall, it still is, but we have reached a point of comfort and freedom where we are able to individually explore any avenue we feel might nourish our existence.
Don’t mistake comfort for a mundane old relationship that has lost its spontaneity and luster, forcing us to look beyond each other for gratification. We have created a completely safe and accepting extension to the already amazing bond we share.
Recently, I’ve been talking with someone who has been in my life since I was 13 years old. My first kiss. My first love. Sure, maybe it was puppy love, but even at 13 we were together for about a year. Which is longer than even most adult relationships these days. Now a grown woman, with that same adorable laughter, the same sweet voice, the same beautiful soul. Though we have not seen each other in nearly a decade, the fiery connection we shared in our youth has never completely extinguished. If the opportunity to date her were possible, it could become serious rather quickly. Like pouring gasoline on that flame.
With all this happening, it dawned on me that I have kept in contact with nearly every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Even short relationships, or ones that didn’t end quite as dignified as they could have, we are no longer at odds. Each hold a special place in my heart. Flickers of memories like a film strip of my life, strung together in a sequence of relationships, new love and broken hearts. A simple click on any one of their Facebook profiles instantly brings back a flurry of memories, like opening a time portal.
We are no longer kids. She is married and they are not LS. She is intrigued however. My ethical side tells me to keep things platonic. We are not here to cause collateral damage.
It happens often. A friend with curiosity causing them to ask questions and begin considering a peek into the other side. Sometimes you need a friend to help guide you or at least be there to walk with you into uncharted territory. Other times you are the guide. However, you must be careful not to take advantage of their curiosity. If you are going to bring them into this community, do it with class. Do it at their pace. It must be completely 100% consensual.
Read all about our thoughts on consent in our past entry: Consent is Everything
We have moments ourselves, where we need guidance. A couple weeks back, I went on an adventure like never before. Some newer friends showed me a world I would not even have considered when we had our typical monogamous marriage.
My point is, once you get to a place where you have your safety and support, you find yourself able to open up and give the same to others. In the end, it all comes down to loving and being loved. Caring for each other as humans should. There is enough hatred and sadness, why create more? Love, and share your love with others.
I literally used to be the one who would walk around and talk about how I hate people and everyone sucks. Realizing now more than ever, hating everyone around you is a sure fire way to leave you isolated.
Perhaps that’s why we have come back to the dating scene. Even though Lily and I have each other, we are rebuilding love we let wilt in our past. We moved a few times around the country, from one coast to the other and back to the middle. This never made it easy to create deep bonds.
A friend was having a rough day a few weeks ago. An argument with a family member left her in tears. She called me. Why? She felt I could be there for her in the moment she needed someone. It was kind of amazing to be needed in that way.
The odd thing is, neither my ex-girlfriend from my teenage years nor my friend in need are even having a sexual relationship with me. I think finding our way into this poly-world has made me start caring about people again! Don’t quote me. I am still not sure how I feel about it and I have a reputation to uphold. I am still an asshole; I promise you that. Maybe it’s old age or life experience. Who knows? It’s like that moment when the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes.
So we get back out there. Some looking for answers and how to break into the LS. Excited, naïve, and filled with dreams of constant sexual gratification. Others look for connections and deeper meaningful lifelong relationships. What ever the case is, we are open and vulnerable again. It makes us feel alive, I suppose.
The same shyness, inadequacies, self doubt we had before still scream in our ears. Every meet and greet we attend and every date we go on, trying to fulfill a need for acceptance and to be loved.
Recently, I was able to go out for a rather short “guys night”. Just to a bar for a few hours, if that. We had the oddest conversation with a couple different ladies. We sat at the corner of a shelf-top railing like table, with our backs facing the bar as we watched Karaoke singers take their turns in the spotlight. Sitting in the center, with Ben to my right and LE to my left, we scanned the bar for potential new friends. Ben was pretty into a game he was playing on his phone but was following the conversation. LE on the other hand seemed to know everyone in the bar, being a bit of a regular.
There was one girl dancing a bit and seemed to be in a friendly mood. LE was able to catch her eye for a moment and motioned for her to come join us. To my surprise she walked over. Her dark hair tied back in a ponytail made her adorable smile and glittery eyes shine in the strobe. She was hesitant but intrigued. Her name escapes me but she wore jeans and a tight black top. Her cellphone stuck out of her back pocket making it difficult to to discern if the shape of her ass was real or simply an optical technological illusion provided by the phone.
LE asked her name and where she was from. She lived not far, but apparently her friend had left her at the behind. Seems to be a common theme I’ve encountered throughout my life. Like the damsel in distress. I always somehow meet the girl who’s friend left them behind. But I digress.
LE inquired about her status. To which she said she was single, though there was a guy at the bar she had met just that night. Bold as he is, LE wasted little time getting to the point; he asked if he would like to come hangout with us and we would take her home. I don’t recall how it came up, perhaps I threw out a comment about Lily or something, but she learned Ben and I were married. Also that both our wives were at home fully aware and ok with us out potentially picking up women. In fact, we explained my situation and having not only a wife, but a “sidepiece” and everyone is good with it. I explained that Lily also dates separately on occasion. She was in shock.
“No, no, no! That’s not right,” she said with a smirk and a glint of curiosity in her eye.
She told us how that’s not how she was raised, and that she is way too jealous for something like that. She laughed it off and told us she was going to stand back at the bar. By that time I needed to catch a buzz. Having a bowl and weed in my pocket, for medicinal purposes of course. I jumped up, walked over to her and asked if she smoked.
She said, “yes.” I followed with “do you want to smoke with me?”
Another yes, and she followed me to the door. Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying anything with her, but my curiosity was in her point of view. What was so wrong about my marriage and our situation as husband and wife?
We smoked and discussed it. She told me it’s not something that she thinks is wrong, but that she just is too jealous and it would never work for her. That was good enough for me. At least she didn’t think me to be some kind of monster. On one hand I don’t care how others feel about it, but also see it as a moment to offer a different perspective on relationships that perhaps before they really didn’t understand.
We smoked the bowl and talked about the basics, where she grew up, etc. Once finished, we headed back in and she went off to dance with the guy she had met earlier.
Ben and LE, looked at me with wonder, likely thinking something had happened between the vanilla and I. Last they saw me make a move to talk to her and head out the door with her. I suppose I could have made up a decent tale of how she sucked me off behind the building, or I bent her over a car, but I simply told them the truth.
Last call came and people began to head out in groups. A gorgeous blond, my kryptonite, passed by with her man in tow after leaving the pool table. Her tight jeans outlined her curves in all the right places and we gawked as men do, though LE was not so enticed. He told me of a run in he had with her. Apparently he did not think highly of her.
At that moment as another group of patrons passed by, LE reached out to another blond who was talking loudly about going to the casino and how she is out partying with her daughter. She gave her daughter a hug and told her she would see her at the casino and to my disbelief was pulled in by LE’s uncanny ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She stood next to me in the same spot as the last girl, talking across me to LE. There was bit of small talk until they landed on something of interest. She mentioned briefly how she moved from California. Lily and I spent the majority of our twenties in Los Angeles. We talked about parts of California we had been and she mentioned having been in a few films. We asked, what sort of films? To which she laughed at the question and skirted around the question. She also talked about her family owning an Island in the Caribbean. At this point we weren’t sure if we were being played or actually speaking to a multi-millionaire, former porn star in a random Missouri suburban bar. With this in mind, we circled back to her “acting” career as the topic of conversation. We thought for sure if this person was open minded enough to participate in sexual acts on camera for pay, she would definitely understand a life like the three of us were a part of.
LE gave her the rundown and asked how she felt about me having a girlfriend and a wife, knowing they were both ok with the arrangement. Her face filled with shock and discomfort, as if I had told her that her partner had cheated! It was an awkward moment. She reacted nearly identical to the previous vanilla, but with more disdain. She said how it was wrong and that is not how relationships should be. She nearly seemed to get upset about it, which was odd as it was not her relationship. She could not get out the door and away from us heathens fast enough.
LE was puzzled by the exchange. He sad, “I can’t believe we just got judged by a fucking porn star.”
In that moment it occurred to me, that we have spent so much time around people with open marriages of some kind and far more open minds, that to be around those who don’t understand our choices, seems almost foreign to us. Feeling like an outcast and perhaps something must be wrong with me, then I recalled the number of like-minded individuals we partied with at National Swingers Weekend 2021 not long ago and know I am not alone. Maybe they are the outcast? Perhaps there are no outcasts. That’s the beauty of it. No one should ever feel ashamed for how they choose to live their lives. We are not all the same. What one does in their personal lives and relationships, does not effect other’s who are not directly involved. We are consenting adults. We know all the risks, and we choose to live this way because it is who we are.
“My choice is what I choose to do and If I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” – Ben Harper
Though his song was referring to my other favorite pastime, it applies to so many other facets of life. We could just as easily judge others and admittingly have. We all cling to what’s familiar. It’s like a security blanket to a toddler. Though some of us see beyond the norm and dare to be different. We push our limits and shift our values to fit how we want our lives to be. After all, we only live it once!
We hope you enjoyed reading and welcome any and all feedback. Having readers at all is a wonderful thing and you are so appreciated. Thank you for allowing us to share our thoughts and our world with you.
There is so much in the works here at Swing Open. Although we don’t have any huge parties lined up, we have gone to several smaller engagements and have also had some very scandalous independent adventures. Lily with her pool party escapade and myself with my sidepiece late night lap dance on a bench on Main Street. We were suppose to attend a hotel party with some friends, but Lily came down with a nasty cold. Instead of anything kinky that weekend, she was in bed while I wrangled the kids all around. We still have so much to unravel and tell about National Swingers Weekend down at the lake, and you won’t want to is that!
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