Swing Open Authentic

Tag: couple

  • Navigating the Unknown

    “Do not feed your fears and insecurities, they will consume you”

    Another Tuesday as we crawl into the New Year through what feels like the longest January in history. Bar parties and small gatherings. Huddling together for warmth.

    A year into this world of polyamory and still years behind understanding. The emotional aspect tends to take away from the all-out sexually excitement swinging once brought us. The days of timid party newbies eager for that perfect swap are behind us. We experience more on our own, while our adventures together seem to fall by the side. The love is still there, but with so many solo situations it’s a struggle sometimes to feel more than a placeholder in someone’s pool of options. Never first, never last. Simply waiting for your next opportunity together. Often feeling like roommates who happen to raise children together. Cancelations and reschedules are the norm lately with everyone catching the extremely contagious omicron.

    Somedays, supporting each other’s growing and developing relationships comes easier than others. Swinging was always simple. When the music stopped and the party was over, we returned to each other. Now a continuous light is left on that is not shared between us. The focus turns to learning the patterns of other people and trying to navigate the difficulties we encounter in those connections. For instance, running into vanilla friends while on a date and failing to realize that they probably won’t suspect a thing if you just act normal. Two people can have a meal together and not necessarily be more than acquaintances. Otherwise, not feeling ashamed that “basic” society may not understand. A nagging concern that you are doing something wrong.

    It has been a challenge to overcome what we have been programmed to believe about relationships and at times can be downright frightening. What if they are right? What if this doesn’t work? Are we simply playing with fire and going down a path that has no happy outcome? Still, we push forward developing whatever this thing may become. Stiving to one day strip ourselves of the guilt and for once walk our own path with unbreakable confidence.

    It’s kind of surreal to have multiple people love you and yet at times feel so alone and grasping for more. Whether in your head or reality, the mind constantly struggles to keep things in control where control is impossible. Acceptance of what is and letting go of what was seems to be the best solution thought not the easiest.

    It is not easy to move forward with this lifestyle without thinking of the future. Instead, we simply focusing on the present. Moment to moment feels right most times until the doubt creeps its way back in.

    Winter for most of us brings on seasonal depression. Compound that with the darkness already present and we find these relationships leave us feeling like outsiders to those we have always counted on to be a beacon of comfort.

    Today it will be 26 degrees. Cold as the heart of a scorned lover, cursed with mistrust and trauma. There is no advice that may be given. We don’t know what lies ahead. Awareness of all the life lost around us is a wakeup call to either go for it all or hold on to what we have already built.

    Thank you for listening to my mind’s swirls of doubt and frustration. There is no need to hide behind a smile or false reality. Things are not always perfect, but each moment we have a chance to give our all and hope to show up for the world and our partners in the best form possible. Try to forgive, try to nourish hopes and follow dreams. As long as our intentions are pure, then our actions will hopefully match.

    What are issues you’ve run into as swingers or any form of ethical non-monagomy you may be involved in? What helped you overcome your fears and doubts? Mental health has such power over us and how we react to outside elements. How are you handling things these days? Please share a thought or words of encouragement if you can. Or if you are facing battles that could use the wisdom of others, please share that as well. Building a community of likeminded people gives some sense of relief knowing we are not completely isolated and alone.

    Still working out some details on the podcast, and a lot has been pushed back due to constant scheduling changes. Also, the long-awaited review of National Swingers Weekend 2021 is nearly complete. Hopefully it will be complete before NSW 2022 is upon us. It seems the party planning for this year’s event is already underway and if you plan to go, tickets are now available. Head to, http://www.lifeinstylestl.com for the latest. Make sure to follow us on Instagram and all our social media outlets. http://www.instagram.com/swingopenmo

    Be kind to eachother and yourselves.

  • Taking the Plunge

    Taking the Plunge

    These fantasies can be overpowering. They consume your thoughts throughout the day and fuel your passion into the evening. The only release seems to be the momentary comfort from your next mind blowing orgasm that’s been built up from all the images, but even that is fleeting and you find yourself right back where you started.

    Researching the reality of this world, you hope to push your relationship into, but all the fears and beliefs you were raised on weigh heavy on you, causing an internal battle between lust and morals. The more you read, learn and process, the more comfort you find in knowing you are not alone. However, your religious beliefs or simple family expectations, may make it a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment. Those who are able to overcome this find themselves a freedom few will come to know.

    Cuckolding and hotwife stories were always such a turn on for me. It’s kind of where it all began. Late nights were spent at my family computer, as a teen with raging hormones, consuming story after story. We had a giant old dot matrix printer that I would print my favorites. These typically included stories about cheating, hotwifing, gangbangs, and cuckolding. Still to this day, my go to stories involve a spouse or girlfriend so lost in lust, she gives little thought to her man watching her be used. Hearing her moan in ways he never could make her. She transforms into a primal slut ready to pleasure any man who might need release. Any man but him. There’s a look of sorrow in her eyes, knowing how wrong it all seems, but with each thrust, the concern is only on the pleasure she is receiving.

    Swinging by sharing partners is one thing, but having the courage to allow your spouse the freedom to experience pleasure in every imaginable way can be extremely gratifying. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one such couple. New to the lifestyle but gaining steam by plunging right in the deep end. Dustin and Leslie were introduced to me by a friend. They have done a complete 180 in their marriage dynamic, going from pure to pornographic in a very short time, with no signs of slowing down.

    Dustin has put together a guest post, which tells of how they came to find this world of salacious behaviors in an effort to reclaim their sex life.

    They can be followed on twitter @showmeswing and @AEll812

    Guest Post by Dustin

    Yesterday as I was searching for collars to buy my wife with the words “Hotwife” or “Slut” on them, I had a how-in-the-world-did-we-get-here moment. Then about two hours later I was sitting across a bar table from a new bull for my wife when he asked me to explain how we got into the lifestyle, and again I was faced with the question of how we got here. Racking my brain, I had to go all the way back to a conversation I had with my great-grandpa on his deathbed. I asked him what he would do differently if he had a second chance. Being a religious man, I thought he would say that he should have been a missionary or something really noble. But he didn’t. He said he would have made sure his wife had a better life. They were farmers who worked incredibly hard their whole lives. He hadn’t mistreated her, he just didn’t make her enjoyment a priority. I left that room on a mission to make my wife’s life better, to give her experiences and joys in this world. I booked a trip to Vegas shortly after that. I didn’t know what else to do. (My wife said she wishes I had picked housework). The second part of this impetus was my growing addiction to pornography, particularly cuckolding.

    This fascination with sharing my wife, coupled with my frustration of not having much sex in my marriage, led me to searching for help just a few months ago. The Twitter wormhole brought me to some swingers who recommended a sex therapist. Well, to say this lady was a miracle worker would be too inadequate. My wife had been a staunchly religious, rule-following, prudish, great woman. She was my best friend, partner, therapist, and boon companion, always positive and encouraging and trustworthy – darn near perfect excluding the bedroom. But in the bedroom, she was pretty cold. She just had trouble letting go of a spirit of religiosity and the feeling that everything good must be bad. More on that some other time perhaps, but the short of it was that I felt like I had a Porsche with no keys. Within weeks, my good Christian wife (who still loves Jesus, btw) was liberated from the evil spirit of religiosity and what erupted from within was 44 years of suppressed desires and suffocated fantasies. What we have now is a glorious amalgamation of all of the good parts of her old self (sweetness, forgiveness, patience, trustworthiness, integrity) and this unshackled, raw, passionate self. She went from Puritan to Porn Star in two months. And, no, I won’t give you the name of the therapist, lol.

    Moments before Leslie’s first gangbang

    I know many readers will say that this is too sudden to stick, or that we will crash and burn. Maybe. But I can see your wager, and I’ll raise you a nickel that we actually have a smashing good time despite some bumps. We are consummating our marriage for the first time really. We’re not virgins, yet we have just now “known” each other because our hearts are exposed for each other — all of them, including the secrets and most vulnerable parts. My secret sins have been brought into the light and I’ve been forgiven by her. Because we’re connecting and all the parts of me are being satisfied, my porn consumption has plummeted. (Who needs porn when you’re making porn?) And I’m finally able to love all of her, because I actually know her now. Half of her pieces were missing from the puzzle, and although we never get the complete picture because it keeps changing, I know more of her now and I really, really, really like it!

    As it stands, we are attempting to swing some (which hasn’t gone well) but mostly my wife has been hotwifing. Turns out it’s much easier to find a guy to have sex with a beautiful woman than it is to find a woman to have sex with a man that looks like he ate himself forty pounds ago. Who knew?

    I want you to know that this process has not all gone smashingly here in the beginning. There were nights I did not handle things well when I found out other guys got something I had been waiting for for 25 years. And then there were all the insecurities that came out: “You never made that sound with me;” “Hey, can you not text him while I’m trying to talk to you?” and “Three hours, really? What happened to ‘getting sore’ after 30 minutes?” From my wife’s perspective, she’s wrestling with her spiritual schema, her self-exploration, which is emotional, her role as mother to aging teens, her fun-to-responsibilities balance, and her insecure and paranoid husband. Considering everything, she has done an amazing job!

    She convinced me that no one is going to steal her heart. Convincing a paranoid person of anything is nearly impossible, so I’m sure she’ll have to do that many times. My goal was to bless her with great experiences, not steal all the fun by barraging her with 30 questions when she gets home from a rendezvous, and then pouting afterwards. I’d like to think those nights are behind us, but I have a feeling they aren’t. In the lifestyle people will often say, “Don’t get into this to fix your marriage.” I totally understand why that’s true. This has been testing on many parts of our relationship — things like openness, transparency, communication, bonding, trust, compromise, and others. Thankfully, those bits were strong. It was the sex we needed help with and although our radically improved sex life hasn’t “fixed our marriage,” it sure as hell helped.

    Sometimes I question how this all ends at our current trajectory, but I know we’re happier than we’ve ever been, more bonded, more in love, more hopeful, more free, more forgiving and inclusive, more ourselves, and more likely to handle bumps in the road. We actually have a little momentum for the bumps, I think. This has been our experience so far. We have much to learn. In closing, I want to lay out an argument for spouse sharing and it’s this: I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wonder if my sweetheart, my bride, my partner and lover had a good life. In one sense we’re all in charge of our own happiness, but in the real world, a spouse has a great deal of influence over our happiness, and I’m likely the only one she’ll ever have. So, I need to facilitate experiences, encourage her to be her true self, and even give her the freedom to live out her desires because I love her. I will fail many times. I also need to remind myself daily that her happiness is more important than my pride and that her love for me is unwavering. If I can remember those things, and we can communicate and grow, then I think we have decent odds at doing smashingly.

  • Swinging and Politics Don’t Mix

    Wow, what a hell of a year it’s been!

    We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.

    There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜


    This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.


    Also, there is a presidential election this year.

    We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.

    We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.

    So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.

    Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.

    This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.

    I know we’ve done this.

    We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.

    They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.

    Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.

    We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.

    We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.

    We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.

    We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.

    Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.

    Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.

    Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.

    If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.

    Until next time! Stay sexy and keep swingin!