Swing Open Authentic

Tag: real couple

  • It’s About Time!

    It’s About Time!

    “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
    — Virginia Woolf

    Well here the fuck we are!

    Once hibernated, now fully migrated from WordPress to my very own site. Thank you so much for joining me here! Now that everything is set up, I fully intend to grow this little blog into a space that informs, entertains, and encourages.

    This is a place for the misfits, the curious, the kinky, and anyone with an open mind.

    What This Blog Is All About

    Here, you will read about the highlights, lessons, and raw moments of my authentic life. My writing centers around my marriage and Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), which, for anyone new here, just means a relationship style where partners agree to have romantic or sexual relationships with other people.

    We absolutely do not judge here. I welcome your questions and genuinely want to hear your opinions.

    If you are a returning reader, thank you for sticking with me. The long break in my writing was brought on by a lot of things honestly, things I should have just written about at the time. I fully intend to do that now.

    The Real Side of the Lifestyle

    This lifestyle is a difficult path. It is not all parties and joy every second. Many of us deal with:

    • Deep self-doubt
    • Body image issues
    • Abandonment triggers
    • Jealousy and past traumas

    While a lack of technical knowledge held me back from blogging for a bit, trying to write while so many things were going wrong in my personal life proved to be the real challenge. It has been a couple of years of trying to find my way again. Letting go of attachments can be a painful process, and trusting my instincts is something I’ve had to learn the hard way.

    Breaking the Silence

    The original intent of this blog was to share my experiences and provide a space where people could look for inspiration in their own relationships. But lately, I felt fake. What right did I have to speak on a topic that was, at times, causing so much heartbreak and sadness in my own life?

    Then it hit me: The whole point is the truth.

    Honesty is the ultimate through-line in my world. If you can’t be honest with me, you can’t be in my life. People want honesty. We want to be able to depend on someone when they give their word. People also want the real story, not the sugarcoated bullshit.

    The lifestyle is not always sex and parties; you can truly make it whatever you want it to be. But the deeper you go, the more you risk.

    There was a lot I felt I could not write about before. I worried people might cut me off due to something they read. I have also felt forced to keep silent about the mental and physical abuse I’ve dealt with. I have been quiet for far too long.

    What’s Coming Next (Yes, There Will Be Parties!)

    This blog will cover far more than just the fun side of things, but don’t worry! There are still plenty of parties, meet-and-greets, and beautiful people to talk about. That will absolutely continue.

    • This Weekend: We are hitting a Toga meet-and-greet! I am sure there will be some wild tales to come from that evening.
    • Coming Soon: I am launching a special recurring series called “Meeting Nina.” It details a rollercoaster of a relationship that may have completely destroyed what was left of my CNS (Central Nervous System) but hey, we are alive!

    Thank you so much for reading and going on this journey with me.

    💬 Let’s Connect!

    I want this blog to be a two-way street. Drop a comment below and let me know: If you’re in the lifestyle, what is the biggest “non-sugarcoated” lesson you’ve had to learn the hard way? If you’re just curious, what’s something you’ve always wanted to ask? Let’s talk!

  • Navigating the Unknown

    “Do not feed your fears and insecurities, they will consume you”

    Another Tuesday as we crawl into the New Year through what feels like the longest January in history. Bar parties and small gatherings. Huddling together for warmth.

    A year into this world of polyamory and still years behind understanding. The emotional aspect tends to take away from the all-out sexually excitement swinging once brought us. The days of timid party newbies eager for that perfect swap are behind us. We experience more on our own, while our adventures together seem to fall by the side. The love is still there, but with so many solo situations it’s a struggle sometimes to feel more than a placeholder in someone’s pool of options. Never first, never last. Simply waiting for your next opportunity together. Often feeling like roommates who happen to raise children together. Cancelations and reschedules are the norm lately with everyone catching the extremely contagious omicron.

    Somedays, supporting each other’s growing and developing relationships comes easier than others. Swinging was always simple. When the music stopped and the party was over, we returned to each other. Now a continuous light is left on that is not shared between us. The focus turns to learning the patterns of other people and trying to navigate the difficulties we encounter in those connections. For instance, running into vanilla friends while on a date and failing to realize that they probably won’t suspect a thing if you just act normal. Two people can have a meal together and not necessarily be more than acquaintances. Otherwise, not feeling ashamed that “basic” society may not understand. A nagging concern that you are doing something wrong.

    It has been a challenge to overcome what we have been programmed to believe about relationships and at times can be downright frightening. What if they are right? What if this doesn’t work? Are we simply playing with fire and going down a path that has no happy outcome? Still, we push forward developing whatever this thing may become. Stiving to one day strip ourselves of the guilt and for once walk our own path with unbreakable confidence.

    It’s kind of surreal to have multiple people love you and yet at times feel so alone and grasping for more. Whether in your head or reality, the mind constantly struggles to keep things in control where control is impossible. Acceptance of what is and letting go of what was seems to be the best solution thought not the easiest.

    It is not easy to move forward with this lifestyle without thinking of the future. Instead, we simply focusing on the present. Moment to moment feels right most times until the doubt creeps its way back in.

    Winter for most of us brings on seasonal depression. Compound that with the darkness already present and we find these relationships leave us feeling like outsiders to those we have always counted on to be a beacon of comfort.

    Today it will be 26 degrees. Cold as the heart of a scorned lover, cursed with mistrust and trauma. There is no advice that may be given. We don’t know what lies ahead. Awareness of all the life lost around us is a wakeup call to either go for it all or hold on to what we have already built.

    Thank you for listening to my mind’s swirls of doubt and frustration. There is no need to hide behind a smile or false reality. Things are not always perfect, but each moment we have a chance to give our all and hope to show up for the world and our partners in the best form possible. Try to forgive, try to nourish hopes and follow dreams. As long as our intentions are pure, then our actions will hopefully match.

    What are issues you’ve run into as swingers or any form of ethical non-monagomy you may be involved in? What helped you overcome your fears and doubts? Mental health has such power over us and how we react to outside elements. How are you handling things these days? Please share a thought or words of encouragement if you can. Or if you are facing battles that could use the wisdom of others, please share that as well. Building a community of likeminded people gives some sense of relief knowing we are not completely isolated and alone.

    Still working out some details on the podcast, and a lot has been pushed back due to constant scheduling changes. Also, the long-awaited review of National Swingers Weekend 2021 is nearly complete. Hopefully it will be complete before NSW 2022 is upon us. It seems the party planning for this year’s event is already underway and if you plan to go, tickets are now available. Head to, http://www.lifeinstylestl.com for the latest. Make sure to follow us on Instagram and all our social media outlets. http://www.instagram.com/swingopenmo

    Be kind to eachother and yourselves.

  • Running Out of Fucks

    “You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others.”-The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*uck

    This quote speaks volumes to me. It is a reminder that trying to please everyone is a loss cause. It will never happen. There will always be those who disapprove of your life choices, but in the end it is your life. Trust me, you are an inspiration to someone just the way you are! You are also the villain in someone’s story!

    One thing weighing heavy on my mind me these days, is the urge to be completely free of all social constructs . To live my life the way I see fit. How amazing would that be? Living on my own terms. Only allow positivity in my life and being who I am no matter what!

    We hold ourselves back from reaching our potential when we aren’t our true selves.

    In the movie, “Private Parts”, Howard Stern realizes in order to truly be great, he had to just be himself. He had to break through the negativity . There were so many that despised what he did but he kept doing it his way. In the movie he quits his mediocre job as a disk jockey at a country music station with nothing lined up, but he knew he was destine for something more.

    Private Parts (1997) – Plot Summary – IMDb

    I recall the scene where he has this epiphany. He is discussing his reasons for leaving a mediocre job and realizes what he must do going forward.

    Howard says, “It’s so apparent to me now what I should be doing. I should be talking about my personal life. I’ve got to get intimate. And every time I feel like I shouldn’t say something, maybe I should just blurt it out, you know? I just got to let things fly. I got to go all the way!”

    In that moment, Howard realizes that the only way he was going to achieve success and contentment is to “go all the way”. He couldn’t fake it.

    If you know anything about Stern, you know how this story ends. Whether you love him or hate him, his show was an extreme success and paved the way for so many who came after. He had no fucks to give.

    I absolutely loved the book, The Art of Not Giving a F*ck! Essentially, its mantra is not to give a fuck about anything that is not worth giving a fuck about. You only have so many fucks to give, after all and you don’t want to just waste fucks on anything and everything. People are going to talk! Let them. If you have not read the book, check it out. Highly recommended.

    See the source image
    [By Mark Manson] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Paperback) by Mark Manson (Author) (Paperback): Manson Mark: Amazon.com: Books

    Lily and I are adults. We love who we are and who we have become in our nearly 25 years together. We are not ashamed of our life and how we choose to live it. Ok maybe Lily is a little, but why should we be, why hide it? I don’t like to be fake to people. Perhaps we simply need to spend time with only those whom we don’t have to wear a mask around.

    If you have “friends” who are not comfortable with your life choices, they don’t need to be in your story. Kill off some characters in your story! If the Walking Dead can do it, so can you! (DO NOT ACTUALLY KILL PEOPLE). Leave them behind and pursue your happiness.

    A friend of mine likes to, “Filter” people. It’s as if she is sifting for gold. You get a shit ton of rocks before you ever grasp that morsel of fortune. It makes sense. There are so many people in this world. Meet them! Go on all the dates! Try everything that interests you. Don’t just dream about it. Go fucking do it! You might make amazing friends, lovers, sex partners! Sure, you won’t click with everyone, so filter them out!

    I understand the need to hide this lifestyle from family, co-workers, PTO Karens. But let them open their closets. Everyone has something and if they don’t they really need to get out more often.

    I recently told my younger brother that we are swingers. At the time, Lily had a boyfriend and I was seeing someone separately as well. We were dabbling in the poly world a bit. It’s been a crazy fucking start to the year! So much has happened. We will have to save that for another time.

    When I decided to tell my brother, I felt I needed someone close to me to know. He had confided in me when he found out he was to be a father unexpectedly, before he told our parents. It felt good to bond with him that way. To let him into my world a little more. There was a sense that he would be ok with it. I am not bringing him to any parties, although I am sure as a single guy he would appreciate it, but it feels good to be accepted by family no matter how twisted or unusual they your choices may be.

    He said that he never expected to be jealous that his older married brother gets more pussy than he does. I found that to be both eye opening and kind of awesome.

    One of our on going agreements is to always keep our vanilla world separate from our LS world. For good reason of course. We have children. We don’t ever want them to be shunned or treated differently because of the choices we make in our personal lives.

    When it is only our sex life, then it really doesn’t make sense to open up about it to anyone. It is no one’s business what goes on behind closed doors. However, in the last few months, our experiences have shifted our views. Is it so wrong to be out to dinner with someone else? What if we get caught? What difference does it make? We aren’t cheating. We aren’t doing anything harmful. So long as we are ok with it, it really makes none at all.

    Going forward the intent is to share more about ourselves. We haven’t even touched the surface.

    Some “friends” may get filtered out in the process, but those who remain and rise to the top will be the ones worth keeping.

    So we now realize this blog was created for selfish reasons. Writing these words will help to discover those who are meaningful to us and we will surround ourselves with an abundance of love.

    Perhaps one day, some confused person or persons may stumble upon this and find clarity through empathy. To see that there are many ways to love and live. They might realize the kink they hid wasn’t so unusual and there are many people who are the same and are unapologetic about it. Why do they get to not give a fuck? I want to stop giving a fuck too!

    Now am I going to go out tomorrow and shout from the roof tops that we are swingers and my wife and I have sex with other people? No. We are just not there yet. We will share more and more here and slowly, perhaps we build the courage to tell others. Then we can stop caring, stop worrying, stop giving a fuck and just be us.

    Hope yall stick around! Likely going to be a wild ride.

    As always, if there is a topic you would like discussed or a question you have, please send it, we will try to respond or perhaps cover the question in an entry.

    Thanks for reading!