Consent is everything in any potential sexual situation. Without proper consent people can feel violated, and the possibility of a great time can go south very quickly. There is a certain level of etiquette that goes along with the LS also. It is important to be very clear about what your intentions are.
Recently we heard of a situation where a female who was naked at a party climbed on the lap of another’s husband and attempted to kiss him. Apparently this was an unwanted advance and it caused a bit of turmoil. His wife was upset and we feel it’s rightly so.
You have to be sure you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship. LS rules are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. We were not there so the details we’ve heard were all one sided, but in this example if the naked woman spoke with the couple before deciding to mount the husband she may have found the interest level was not a match. Which would have saved her the embarrassment of being called out. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances. This particular couple is new in the LS community. A situation like this really gives an awful preview of how things happen within the LS. It might even scare people away.
Unfortunately this is a bit common. Women don’t seem to follow the same rules of consent as men do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are men out there doing the same things and are overly aggressive. In fact, at a recent party we ran into a bit of aggression.
Lily was dancing with a man who she found attractive, but things took an ugly turn because he didn’t check her level of interest and became a bit too rough.
Lily doesn’t mind some rough play; however, he crossed the line. As they danced he was asking her rules, which was good, but then he went in for a kiss. At first it was fine until he decided to bite her lip. She didn’t like that at all. It wasn’t like a pleasant nibble. It was like he was trying to take a chomp out of a steak! She pulled away quickly and wanted off the dance floor. I had no idea this was happening until she pulled me away to tell me. For a week she had a bruised lip which upset her even more due to the fact that she had to make something up to tell family and co-workers. Not cool!
In this situation, had he asked if she was into that she would have said no and maybe he would have gotten further with her, but his aggression completely turned her off. It didn’t matter if he was her type or not. That was it for him!
Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask ask ask. You will find everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that’s ok! Not everyone will be into you and you won’t be into everyone either.
There are many levels to different couple’s rules and boundaries. Even something as simple as trying to message or friend request someone’s SO can cause upset. If we get into a conversation with someone we will always make it a group conversation. This makes it very clear that we are not trying to pull anyone aside or be sneaky in any way. We see it all the time where someone will make a comment that a person contacted their SO and made advances without their knowledge. This only causes distrust. It breaks trust with you and between the couple. You don’t know their dynamic. They could be in a Dom/Sub relationship for example. In this case the sub would need permission to even talk to someone else.
You must respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You don’t know unless you ask! Many people find it sexy, polite, and they welcome it. However awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the outcome of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward!
Thank you once again for joining us! Tell us your thoughts on consent. We have some exciting posts we’re working on. We will cover our recent break from the LS, as well as the exciting party we attended prior to it. Hoping to finish all that up soon. If you enjoy this content please like, follow, and share! If you ever have any comments or questions please reach out to us! We don’t bite. Unless you’re cool with that!
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