Swing Open Authentic

Category: Relationships

  • It’s About Time!

    It’s About Time!

    “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
    — Virginia Woolf

    Well here the fuck we are!

    Once hibernated, now fully migrated from WordPress to my very own site. Thank you so much for joining me here! Now that everything is set up, I fully intend to grow this little blog into a space that informs, entertains, and encourages.

    This is a place for the misfits, the curious, the kinky, and anyone with an open mind.

    What This Blog Is All About

    Here, you will read about the highlights, lessons, and raw moments of my authentic life. My writing centers around my marriage and Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), which, for anyone new here, just means a relationship style where partners agree to have romantic or sexual relationships with other people.

    We absolutely do not judge here. I welcome your questions and genuinely want to hear your opinions.

    If you are a returning reader, thank you for sticking with me. The long break in my writing was brought on by a lot of things honestly, things I should have just written about at the time. I fully intend to do that now.

    The Real Side of the Lifestyle

    This lifestyle is a difficult path. It is not all parties and joy every second. Many of us deal with:

    • Deep self-doubt
    • Body image issues
    • Abandonment triggers
    • Jealousy and past traumas

    While a lack of technical knowledge held me back from blogging for a bit, trying to write while so many things were going wrong in my personal life proved to be the real challenge. It has been a couple of years of trying to find my way again. Letting go of attachments can be a painful process, and trusting my instincts is something I’ve had to learn the hard way.

    Breaking the Silence

    The original intent of this blog was to share my experiences and provide a space where people could look for inspiration in their own relationships. But lately, I felt fake. What right did I have to speak on a topic that was, at times, causing so much heartbreak and sadness in my own life?

    Then it hit me: The whole point is the truth.

    Honesty is the ultimate through-line in my world. If you can’t be honest with me, you can’t be in my life. People want honesty. We want to be able to depend on someone when they give their word. People also want the real story, not the sugarcoated bullshit.

    The lifestyle is not always sex and parties; you can truly make it whatever you want it to be. But the deeper you go, the more you risk.

    There was a lot I felt I could not write about before. I worried people might cut me off due to something they read. I have also felt forced to keep silent about the mental and physical abuse I’ve dealt with. I have been quiet for far too long.

    What’s Coming Next (Yes, There Will Be Parties!)

    This blog will cover far more than just the fun side of things, but don’t worry! There are still plenty of parties, meet-and-greets, and beautiful people to talk about. That will absolutely continue.

    • This Weekend: We are hitting a Toga meet-and-greet! I am sure there will be some wild tales to come from that evening.
    • Coming Soon: I am launching a special recurring series called “Meeting Nina.” It details a rollercoaster of a relationship that may have completely destroyed what was left of my CNS (Central Nervous System) but hey, we are alive!

    Thank you so much for reading and going on this journey with me.

    💬 Let’s Connect!

    I want this blog to be a two-way street. Drop a comment below and let me know: If you’re in the lifestyle, what is the biggest “non-sugarcoated” lesson you’ve had to learn the hard way? If you’re just curious, what’s something you’ve always wanted to ask? Let’s talk!

  • The Great DM Debate Solved? (Compromise)

    Sitting at my computer with a burnt finger from grabbing a spoon, so absent mindedly left on our hot stove. Feeling slightly stressed, anxious and, a bit stoned. Flicking through Facebook, thinking back on the week that was.

    There was an incident early last week which caused my intentions to be questioned due to an ill-timed “inside”, that had a punch line really only known by a few. If you knew that the humor in the situation was more picking on myself than any group of people, you might just have chuckled along too.

    Nonetheless, it was in poor taste. Occasionally, comedy misses the mark and leaves a bad taste. But, I know, this is only the beginning of opening up to a community I should have been a part of far longer than you could even comprehend.

    Continuing to scroll I come to yet ANOTHER posts about, “unsolicited DM’s”.

    If you’re in the LS these days, we know so much happens through Facebook. It brings the community to your home. You are always connected. Part of something. One of us.

    The first time a bluefish makes his way into a group like this, they are like a kid in a candy store!

    Settle down, brother. There is etiquette. It has to be difficult for a single guy in a community like this. Even more difficult is the male following a divorce within the community. Something I hope to never face, but can’t help feeling sadness for the way some relationships go south so quickly. We have stood on that edge ourselves, but somehow always pull each other back and hold on dearly to what we have created.

    The Unicorn. Pretty much the polar opposite of the bluefish. She can nearly do no wrong in the eyes of these great gatekeepers of the Lifestyle community. Her word is bond. She may suggest the very same notion the single guy or in my case the polyamorous married one, and yet, the guy is the one who still gets banned from a group and labeled as unsafe.

    Cringing at the whole situation, my thumbs are tense. Eagerly wanting to again voice my opinion on the “Nanny State” culture we are being forced to accept by some, simply to maintain being a part of the community.

    Everyone is watching everyone else. Everyone sees who fails and who seems plentiful. It fuels jealousy, competition and hatred. Rumors spread like wildfire and an individuals reputation can be ripped to shreds in a click of a mouse.

    These Facebook Groups do add value though. They are a necessary evil, as they bring us together. Allow us to build relationships and bonds. Family and friends at our fingertips.

    Still staring at the post, trying to bite my tongue this time, not to engage in the same winless debate. Everyone just looks like an asshole in the end.

    Instead, I pause.

    It is time for a new tactic. None of us are getting anywhere with this argument and it is causing a break in a beautiful community.

    My thoughts go to, why some feel it is so necessary to guard their inbox so fiercely?

    There are some who equate an unsolicited message to rape or child molestation. This is a disgusting slap in the face to those who have actually faced these traumas.

    At first, I think they are whiny brats who maybe weren’t hugged enough or something, but we’ve all had traumas. My frustrations are replaced with sympathy and sadness for whatever it is that caused some to feel so unsafe they aren’t able to deal with a random DM.

    Scrolling past the message without even a like or comment several times, I ponder what could be done to help those feel safe without causing those who don’t share the same concerns to continue to feel free to message how they see fit.

    Respecting something because it works for some, while still not agreeing with the way it is handled for all, is completely valid.

    Many of us value our privacy. It is that simple. Of course, there will always be those who are rude and do not follow common decency. But there has to be a way that we can handle it in a less invasive manner.

    I’m still unsure how sending a picture of your cock as an opening line is the best thing you could come up with. You actually think you have the magical penis she has been missing out on all these years? Does it at least come with tacos? Something about women and their tacos.

    Besides the few bad apples, who may be easily weeded out, most of us have the best of intentions. We are hoping for connections and exciting experiences.

    So how is COMPOMISE achieved?

    My proposal could be used as a universal rule in just about all the groups. It will clearly let others know if your DMs are open to any who dare to enter, or closed, preferring others to ask in open forum for permission to send a message.

    It would have to be something like a symbol everyone could see so it is very clear. This would give the choice to the individual and not the admins, who have far better things to do than hold our hands about using our private messages.

    We all have a main profile page. It’s like your profile home page. What if there was a symbol system, we could use to let everyone know our personal preference?

    Below you will see how you can add a mailbox emoji to your main page. We could each put up our preferred inbox.

    If you place an open mailbox📭, this means you don’t mind others sending messages without prior approval and opt to handle your messages as you see fit. If you place the closed mailbox📪, you have expressed that prior approval is being requested before sending messages.

    To do this for your own Facebook Profile, it is simple! Follow the directions below!

    Start by switching to your main profile page, as shown here.

    Click the button circled in red that says, “Edit profile”.

    Once at the edit profile page, scroll down to, “Bio”.

    Click on, “Edit Bio”.

    This will bring you to a screen like the one shown next. You can fill this in with anything you would like. Including Emojis!📪📭

    Locate the emoji, needed. In this case either the open mailbox 📭 or the closed mailbox 📪 Choose which suits your profile best and add it. This will allow anyone who is in the know to clearly see how you prefer your DMs to be handled.

    An Open mailbox if you don’t mind random messages.

    A closed mailbox for those who would prefer public approval.

    Do not forget to save your work!

    This will hopefully cut down on the weekly battles. Everyone is able to choose their preference. It makes it clear to everyone else. It will also make it very clear who has difficulty with boundaries. Admins do not get paid. They are not policing every moment and really have likely far better things to do with their time. With this in place, an admin may simply let anyone joining these groups know that it is their responsibility to set their preference.

    If this catches on, it could alleviate one of the most common arguments we are currently have in these groups.

    This community is welcoming, but lately the flood gates have opened. It seems many are somehow stumbling upon this world with no real insight, and they demand it is adjusted to fit their personal belief system what they should do is, observe and learn from others who have already been around for a long time. There is space for everyone to swing as they choose. We realize everyone is not at the same level. There is nothing wrong with having your own beliefs and boundaries, but when you force others to change theirs simply to suit you, then you cause nothing but drama which you all claim to not be a part of.

    We hope this helps ease some tensions. We prefer to help the community we love rather that battle over it. These are not gangs. Some will be firm in their stance and that is ok. Perhaps they can create a no contact community, where they send memes and emojis in a forum style chat all day and never actually open themselves to direct interaction. That kind of group would also alleviate the need for the “Rule”.

    Admins, we appreciate what you do, for the most part. There are some of you who run your group like a tyrannical fascist dictator, whilst calling those who are truly accepting of all, a bigot, or “privileged” based on little but the knowledge of their skin color and assumed gender. These people should be challenged for their hypocrisies.

    We now have men being put on display in groups for simply sending a message. This creates so much unnecessary drama. There are also situations with men being slandered for not being able to perform or a couple not handling a situation perfectly attacked with screen shots of their pictures or conversations. It’s disgusting.

    As Mizzy Bender so perfectly said it in her morning talk, “Do Better”!

    Check out that conversation in the link below, that was perfectly timed with the quarrels we’ve been seeing locally. Be sure to check out her website, including the Mizzy Bender Shows, and Mind Bender Parties. Seems like an amazing amount of entertainment, and to us, an inspiration in the community!

    https://fb.watch/fH7rSe2hGo/

    If you have suggestions, or there are other things in the Lifestyle Community you are unhappy with, please share those thoughts with us. Perhaps we will address other issues in the future.

    Recording and editing for the podcast is still underway. With our busy schedule, there is only time to work on it briefly, but “So Authentic” the podcast will be released this year as promised! If you have a unique story of a how you live Authentic, please share it with us. It does not have to be necessarily in the world of non-monogamy. If you have a business that in some way helps the community, then please share that as well!

    We all want to be a part of this amazing thing we’ve found. Let’s all find ways to not only safely grow, but better our community. Be kind to each other. For those of you who are new to the community, perhaps observe a bit? There are many who are showing up, thinking it’s a sex fest free for all. There is etiquette. Give more than you take. Remember, this is about living freely non-monogamous. If you just came to party with naked women, you could simply go to a strip club. You do not belong at an LS party.

    Should you have any questions or comments, do not hesitate to reach out. Swinopenmo@gmail.com

    Thank you so much for reading! Have a sexy ass weekend!

  • Taking the Plunge

    Taking the Plunge

    These fantasies can be overpowering. They consume your thoughts throughout the day and fuel your passion into the evening. The only release seems to be the momentary comfort from your next mind blowing orgasm that’s been built up from all the images, but even that is fleeting and you find yourself right back where you started.

    Researching the reality of this world, you hope to push your relationship into, but all the fears and beliefs you were raised on weigh heavy on you, causing an internal battle between lust and morals. The more you read, learn and process, the more comfort you find in knowing you are not alone. However, your religious beliefs or simple family expectations, may make it a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment. Those who are able to overcome this find themselves a freedom few will come to know.

    Cuckolding and hotwife stories were always such a turn on for me. It’s kind of where it all began. Late nights were spent at my family computer, as a teen with raging hormones, consuming story after story. We had a giant old dot matrix printer that I would print my favorites. These typically included stories about cheating, hotwifing, gangbangs, and cuckolding. Still to this day, my go to stories involve a spouse or girlfriend so lost in lust, she gives little thought to her man watching her be used. Hearing her moan in ways he never could make her. She transforms into a primal slut ready to pleasure any man who might need release. Any man but him. There’s a look of sorrow in her eyes, knowing how wrong it all seems, but with each thrust, the concern is only on the pleasure she is receiving.

    Swinging by sharing partners is one thing, but having the courage to allow your spouse the freedom to experience pleasure in every imaginable way can be extremely gratifying. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one such couple. New to the lifestyle but gaining steam by plunging right in the deep end. Dustin and Leslie were introduced to me by a friend. They have done a complete 180 in their marriage dynamic, going from pure to pornographic in a very short time, with no signs of slowing down.

    Dustin has put together a guest post, which tells of how they came to find this world of salacious behaviors in an effort to reclaim their sex life.

    They can be followed on twitter @showmeswing and @AEll812

    Guest Post by Dustin

    Yesterday as I was searching for collars to buy my wife with the words “Hotwife” or “Slut” on them, I had a how-in-the-world-did-we-get-here moment. Then about two hours later I was sitting across a bar table from a new bull for my wife when he asked me to explain how we got into the lifestyle, and again I was faced with the question of how we got here. Racking my brain, I had to go all the way back to a conversation I had with my great-grandpa on his deathbed. I asked him what he would do differently if he had a second chance. Being a religious man, I thought he would say that he should have been a missionary or something really noble. But he didn’t. He said he would have made sure his wife had a better life. They were farmers who worked incredibly hard their whole lives. He hadn’t mistreated her, he just didn’t make her enjoyment a priority. I left that room on a mission to make my wife’s life better, to give her experiences and joys in this world. I booked a trip to Vegas shortly after that. I didn’t know what else to do. (My wife said she wishes I had picked housework). The second part of this impetus was my growing addiction to pornography, particularly cuckolding.

    This fascination with sharing my wife, coupled with my frustration of not having much sex in my marriage, led me to searching for help just a few months ago. The Twitter wormhole brought me to some swingers who recommended a sex therapist. Well, to say this lady was a miracle worker would be too inadequate. My wife had been a staunchly religious, rule-following, prudish, great woman. She was my best friend, partner, therapist, and boon companion, always positive and encouraging and trustworthy – darn near perfect excluding the bedroom. But in the bedroom, she was pretty cold. She just had trouble letting go of a spirit of religiosity and the feeling that everything good must be bad. More on that some other time perhaps, but the short of it was that I felt like I had a Porsche with no keys. Within weeks, my good Christian wife (who still loves Jesus, btw) was liberated from the evil spirit of religiosity and what erupted from within was 44 years of suppressed desires and suffocated fantasies. What we have now is a glorious amalgamation of all of the good parts of her old self (sweetness, forgiveness, patience, trustworthiness, integrity) and this unshackled, raw, passionate self. She went from Puritan to Porn Star in two months. And, no, I won’t give you the name of the therapist, lol.

    Moments before Leslie’s first gangbang

    I know many readers will say that this is too sudden to stick, or that we will crash and burn. Maybe. But I can see your wager, and I’ll raise you a nickel that we actually have a smashing good time despite some bumps. We are consummating our marriage for the first time really. We’re not virgins, yet we have just now “known” each other because our hearts are exposed for each other — all of them, including the secrets and most vulnerable parts. My secret sins have been brought into the light and I’ve been forgiven by her. Because we’re connecting and all the parts of me are being satisfied, my porn consumption has plummeted. (Who needs porn when you’re making porn?) And I’m finally able to love all of her, because I actually know her now. Half of her pieces were missing from the puzzle, and although we never get the complete picture because it keeps changing, I know more of her now and I really, really, really like it!

    As it stands, we are attempting to swing some (which hasn’t gone well) but mostly my wife has been hotwifing. Turns out it’s much easier to find a guy to have sex with a beautiful woman than it is to find a woman to have sex with a man that looks like he ate himself forty pounds ago. Who knew?

    I want you to know that this process has not all gone smashingly here in the beginning. There were nights I did not handle things well when I found out other guys got something I had been waiting for for 25 years. And then there were all the insecurities that came out: “You never made that sound with me;” “Hey, can you not text him while I’m trying to talk to you?” and “Three hours, really? What happened to ‘getting sore’ after 30 minutes?” From my wife’s perspective, she’s wrestling with her spiritual schema, her self-exploration, which is emotional, her role as mother to aging teens, her fun-to-responsibilities balance, and her insecure and paranoid husband. Considering everything, she has done an amazing job!

    She convinced me that no one is going to steal her heart. Convincing a paranoid person of anything is nearly impossible, so I’m sure she’ll have to do that many times. My goal was to bless her with great experiences, not steal all the fun by barraging her with 30 questions when she gets home from a rendezvous, and then pouting afterwards. I’d like to think those nights are behind us, but I have a feeling they aren’t. In the lifestyle people will often say, “Don’t get into this to fix your marriage.” I totally understand why that’s true. This has been testing on many parts of our relationship — things like openness, transparency, communication, bonding, trust, compromise, and others. Thankfully, those bits were strong. It was the sex we needed help with and although our radically improved sex life hasn’t “fixed our marriage,” it sure as hell helped.

    Sometimes I question how this all ends at our current trajectory, but I know we’re happier than we’ve ever been, more bonded, more in love, more hopeful, more free, more forgiving and inclusive, more ourselves, and more likely to handle bumps in the road. We actually have a little momentum for the bumps, I think. This has been our experience so far. We have much to learn. In closing, I want to lay out an argument for spouse sharing and it’s this: I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wonder if my sweetheart, my bride, my partner and lover had a good life. In one sense we’re all in charge of our own happiness, but in the real world, a spouse has a great deal of influence over our happiness, and I’m likely the only one she’ll ever have. So, I need to facilitate experiences, encourage her to be her true self, and even give her the freedom to live out her desires because I love her. I will fail many times. I also need to remind myself daily that her happiness is more important than my pride and that her love for me is unwavering. If I can remember those things, and we can communicate and grow, then I think we have decent odds at doing smashingly.

  • Times They Are A-Changin

    Times They Are A-Changin

    Do you ever get stuck feeling ashamed of the life you have chosen? Many of us were taught to find that one true love. We were told there is this mystical person out there who will fit perfectly, meet our every need, and be our soul mate. If you are a woman, HE will be your prince charming. He will sweep you off your feet and swoon you into a life of “happily ever afters” . If you’re a man, SHE will be your perfect dream girl, your queen and sex goddess. She will tend to your every need and you will live in bliss!

    Well, we have decided these lessons were all a bunch of bullshit. Passed down from generation to generation. Stemming from a puritanical society. The same society who would have us believe not only that we lack the capability to love more than one person at a time, but the ONE you choose must be of the opposite sex. These unspoken rules of relationships leave some afraid to ever look beyond the norm for fear of ridicule or being cast aside by those they believed to be friends and in some cases even family.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before, but an acquaintance once told me, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man. They just haven’t been fucked by right one to turn them gay.”

    Not knowing how to react to such ignorance, I simply laughed and moved on. The number of openly bisexual women in the LS community is staggering. It’s encouraged, supported and sought after by every couple and single.  Everyone is chasing their unicorn.

    How do we help this community, who claims to be accepting of all to go further and actually be completely accepting of all?

    One thing we can do is step out in the open and realize many of us are the same. I can not tell you the number of men I have met with in the community who says they are bi or at least curious but they don’t tell anyone for fear of what it could mean.

    Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum! I have learned that this year. Recently, The Red Couch talks about this in their recent post about Bisexual Men in the Swingers Community https://theredcouch.co/2021/09/21/bisexual-men-swingers-community/

    https://theredcouch.co/

    My journey this year followed a plan to revisit my interest in men. Muscular dominant men to be exact. Most of my current friends are unaware in my past I considered my self bi-curious, yet never pursued this interest. Besides a few adventurous nights in my youth, after about 2000, I had left this part of me in the rear view.

    Growing up with three older brothers, the raw testosterone that coursed through our home, was fueled even more by my overbearing step-father doing his best to mold us in to fine strapping young men. Being the youngest out of us four allowed me to slack slightly on much of the hard labor, yet still reap some of the benefits. They’d hunt and fish. I’d eat well. They’d learn how to fix cars and clean guns. I got high and learned drums and guitar. I wrote songs, read plays, and was the hopeless romantic. While they played sports, chased girls, and got in fights.

    Perhaps my status as baby of the house coupled with my brothers tendency to steal my food if I stepped away from the table even for a second, kept me a bit smaller than the rest of my siblings. Ranging from 5’11” to 6’2″ or maybe 6’3″ and built like lineman, with each of them having played such for our high-school football teams. The oldest went on to play football through college on a partial scholarship as a nose tackle.

    They were your basic rough and tough guy jocks. I don’t know what kept me from following along like one more lemming, but I couldn’t be more different.  All my life I dreamed of being a Hollywood star. My style was always a bit eclectic, sporting wide leg JNCOs with long hair, thinking I looked like Kurt Cobain in my later high school days.(I did not) In Middle school I’d often emulate movie characters in the way I’d dress. Especially from mafia movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I’d show up in loafers, dress pants and a silk purple shirt with my hair slicked back like a real greaseball. Around my neck I wore a fake gold chain that went perfect with my gold ring, watch and bracelet. No wonder I started getting picked on more often.

    A bit of a class clown is what kept some friends with me, cracking jokes like, “I’m not gay my boyfriend is” was par for the course.

    This love for the music and the arts was passed down from my father who was a Theater teacher, as well as a performer in his own right. Even today he continues write and perform in plays and play music in a blues band all around the area. As a child I went to rehearsals and performances of his. Captivated by the sense of play, the fun of playing dress up and pretending really caught hold of me.

    My parents were divorced when I was about 2 years old. My dad remarried twice as of today, but my first stepmother had a daughter who happened to be lesbian. We didn’t discuss it much, but I heard she married another woman and they both wore tuxedos. Although I also heard she was now divorced and married to a gay man or something. None of this ever seemed odd to me. Even with my rather conservative up bringing.

    Of course my actions and behavior around others was very different. My brother’s could never know I was ok with someone being gay. Even one of our cousins, who never hid his sexuality for a second, They would treat like family to his face, but make awful comments if he were to be brought up when not around. It was difficult and looking back now, I am ashamed of my behavior and things I’ve said regarding the gay community. The jokes I made at their expense, often to just fit in are inexcusable. Not saying I’m flying the LBGTQ+ flag and getting all political about it. But the part that truly matters is allowing people to be with and love who ever they feel is right for them. People don’t marry or have relationships for a community. They do it for themselves. Connections make us feel whole. Personal happiness is just that, personal. As mentioned before, I am out of fucks! Running Out of Fucks

    Recently, a post from our Instagram @Swingopenmo was inadvertently sent these three older brothers. There was no connection to us really and I was able to remove the post so the link would come back empty if they were to click on it. Still they could read the Instagram blurb that goes above the post. They made their jokes, but I played it off as it was someone else’s that was sent to me, and I then sent it to them in error. Whether they bought it or not the jury is still out, but I nearly pulled the mask off and just told them the truth. I keep asking myself, what difference does it make? No matter how they respond, we love who we are and do not intend to change. But we decided to just let it be.

    Well, Today is National Coming Out Day after all. Lily is not entirely on board with the idea to be completely open just yet, but she is considering it. But today’s post is about me opening up to the LS community and beginning to be more honest with myself.

    From a young age I was aware of my sexuality. Many nights I’d spend exploring my body. Often blurring the lines of gender in my mind.  I discovered rather quickly this spectrum of sexuality. Gay or straight never mattered much in my mind. To me, if the moment was hot and it turned me on, then I was likely to give it a try. We don’t always need labels. Things can be left to be whatever they are without categorizing.

    As covered in the beginning in Retribution, we got into swinging while doing a lot of ecstasy in our late teens early twenties. Chris, who I’ve talked about before as one of my best childhood friends would share Lily off and on for a couple years. One night, Lily, Chris and I thought it’d be fun to shower together. We were still coming off rolling the night before, and our bodies were still craving to be touched. Although Lily was there for us to use as we pleased, our hands moved all over. Lily was very interested in all of us exploring each other. She was kissing him, he was kissing her, he was touching me and I was rubbing on him.  There were no lines drawn and no boundaries. We wanted to see what a double blow job would be like. Not having another girl was no issue. We simply took turns helping Lily suck. Allowing each to get a chance to feel what it was like. The whole experience was insanely erotic for us three. The warm shower dripping down on the three of us as we pleasured each other other without shame, guilt, or misunderstanding. Gender didn’t matter to me. The moment pulled me in, our hormones were through the roof.

    Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go try it. If you are a “super straight”, then just equate it to two women and you’ll be fine.

    I am fully aware that putting this out there, might cause some of you to distance yourself from me and that’s ok. Lily is still by my side and that is the most important thing to me. Not to mention my girlfriend and all the others who I have already opened up to.

    Taking this year to explore what I felt may have been my bi-sexual side quickly turned to me realizing I am completely pansexual. I’ve had new adventures trying things I never realized I’d enjoy. Like a hot blonde with a strap on! Highly recommend. I’ve also had threesomes and foursomes where everyone was touching everyone. There were no awkward moments with someone shouting, “No Homo”. 

    I had to ask myself, am I having a midlife crisis? Is this actually something I want to be doing? I could see no reason why not.

    For those who are my friends and our friends, please note, I do not intend to try to fuck everyone. Consent is still a very real thing. If you haven’t heard, we did discuss that in a previous blog post. Consent is Everything

    Coming out on National Coming Out day has been my plan all year. Thinking back, these feelings were sprinkled throughout my life even before Lily and Chris.

    Flashes of my childhood flicker in my mind. At just 4 years old, in preschool we were all outside playing in the school yard, as children do. It was a beautiful day with very few clouds in the sky. It’s difficult to remember, but there was a blacktop parking lot that led to a play yard. The sprawling grounds of ragged weed infested grass, old tires half buried created a fun little obstacle course. Up a hill to the left stood a wooden playground with multiple layers and platforms. You know the kind. They have a high risk for leaving a child stuck with a irremovable splinter. The platforms created a bit of cover which was a perfect little hideout. This particular day, there seemed to be extra interest in the small hideaway as children gathered to see what was happening.

    Seeing a few other children head in that direction, I too became curious not wanting to be the only one not part of whatever the excitement was all about. Looking into the the wooden covered bunker, a few girls were lying on their stomachs with their pants down leaving their naked butts out for all to see. They were giggling as a couple boys crawled down the line of girls, giving them a kiss on their “cheeks”.

    Now, I don’t quite recall how I got involved, but I had a sudden urge to join them. Not as one of the boys though. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls. So I went to the far end to the left and laid face down ass up, like the rest of the girls. The boys played along without question, without ridicule.

    Sometime during that same year, I slept over one of the boy’s houses. They lived in a double wide. His parents had set up and indoor tent for us, or perhaps it was an outdoor one, simply placed indoors. It’s never easy to visualize each moment from the eighties, but I do know, in that tent he and I played the same game we had on the playground at preschool.. Again, I pretended to be the pretty girl.

    There were multiple times early in life I found myself having this urge to be more feminine. Not in a cross dressing drag queen way or anything. There was one time I tried on a dress my mother had on the drying line in the basement by the washer and dryer, but the thought to dress pretty never really occurred to me back then. Though I did sometimes envy girls clothing. They get all the cute accessories. Occasionally I’d wrap my blanket around me and pretend to be a girl. There were times I can recall wishing I would wake up as a girl, thinking my life would be much easier that way.

    Perhaps it was seeing the power of women through my mother. She raised us on her own basically for about seven years of our lives. She’d stop at nothing to provide for us. They say men are the tougher gender, but the women around me were tough as nails and amazing providers. My mom has 4 sisters and 5 brothers. They grew up very poor. All of the women in this family are bad ass bitches who are also extremely motherly and caring. I understood the power of being a strong women more than most boys. At least I felt I did.

    My point in bringing all this up is to give an understanding as to how long I hid this within me. The spectrum I discovered within myself has led to some of the most mind blowing orgasms ever. They have allowed me to be the assertive dominant male towards Lily and most woman and switch to the coy and timid submissive I enjoy being toward the right guy. I’ve even found a major attraction to many transwomen. I think mainly due to Tik Tok.

    Had Lily and I not become swingers, I may never had explored this part of me. Being poly now has opened my mind to even considering finding a boyfriend. This is something I once asked if I could do with Chris, my high school friend. Back then, it was not something Lily was as open to though she never mind me playing with him. So I am currently taking applications. Really I am open to dating anyone I feel a bond with.

    This decision was tough for Lily and I. She is afraid of the reaction from those we know in our local LS Community. Hopefully they will see we are the same couple. I am no different than the day before, you just know me a little better. Maybe understand me a bit more. It’s not wrong to share things and know about each other.

    In the interest of National Coming Out, I have decided to add to the Swing Open world by coming out with my podcast in 2022! The ‘Unapologetic Podcast’ will be about living life on our terms without fear of what anyone around us thinks. Living to cherish the things that serve your happiness and let go of all the negative behaviors that hold us down.

    If you have been following along there has been a bit of a theme this year leading up to me admitting to everyone, including myself about being Pansexual. This is something I believe has always been a part of me. Never until now did I feel safe to admit it. If you picked apart the references and innuendos then perhaps you already understood where we were going with all this. There are some who already know this about me and those I’ve told, to this point have been so amazing and supportive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who are reading this and continue to support my writing. You are truly appreciated.

    We will get back to more swingers things going forward, I have a post coming soon that will discuss some of the exploration Lily and I have done with cuckold play. Also the long awaited review from our kinky adventures at National Swingers Weekend 2021! We can’t wait to bring you the podcast! Thank you for reading!

  • When You Don’t Clique

    When You Don’t Clique

    Even in a lifestyle that claims to be accepting of all, there will always those who end up feeling left out or unwelcome. I hear it constantly. Sometimes it can be brought on by ourselves from failing to let go of our fears and insecurities. Other times we find ourselves standing on the outside of a circle or clique that seems impenetrable and we don’t really know why.

    When a couple or even a single begin their journey in the LS, they may have high hopes and grand expectations of how things will go for them. Big plans to explore their sexuality, fulfill their deepest fantasies and cross off some of their naughty “fuck-it list.” In order to do this, first they must meet the right people!

    There might be a struggle initially not knowing where or how to go about finding like-minded people for adult fun.

    (If this is a problem for you check out our blog post on how to meet others, https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2019/09/23/swinger-sites-and-other-ways-to-meet-lifestyle-friends/ )

    Once you meet some like-minded people, there tends to be a bit of a snowball effect. Especially if you start going to parties or Meet n Greets. You’ll quickly find the community is much bigger than you imagined but at the same time quite small depending on where you live.

    There may be some groups that have been around for awhile and built quite the following. Every gathering will have fresh faces but there will always that core group of regulars. There always seems to be a bunch who all know each other and appear to have been friends since high school or somwthing. They cling to one and other at every event and even seem to spend the majority of their non-party time together.

    This can be extremely intimidating for newcomers. That’s one thing that makes Meet n Greets less appealing to us. It seems to just turn into a group of friends hanging out, it becomes less of a swingers meet up and more like your basic Saturday night bar hop with college buddies.

    Another thing a newbie may encounter is a lack of connection once the party atmosphere has ended. Say you go to a party, you might hit it off really well with a few couples. Even perhaps get a bit entangled with someone but when the party’s over, never hear from them to hang out on the weekend or go have brunch with a group.

    There seems to be different levels as well. There are the hottest, highly attractive who kind of stick together, the bottom rung who maybe aren’t as attractive but still lots of fun who also form their own clique. Then there are people who kind of fall in the middle.

    We could be wrong, but we feel like that is us. The middle class, floaters. We seem to mingle with people in all levels but never feel fully at home in any faction of the group. Sort of like the misfits on the island of misfit toys. We can be fun to hang with at the parties but never quite make it to the the inner circle. And that’s okay. We never really got into all this to make best friends. It seems a lot of people have done that. They have to feel connected all the time and part of a group.

    The thing is once these “groups” form then the drama begins. We try to make it a point to keep clear of drama at all costs. Although this year we have seen our share of it. When these cliques and groups come together, someone is always left out. There is often some kind of falling out within the group for whatever reason which causes unnecessary turmoil. Many events become a high school reunion rather than a fantasy experience.  Who needs that?

    But what can be done?

    Sometimes it just is what it is. People are naturally drawn together for all kinds of reasons.

    According to a Kidshealth.org article from July 2018 reviewed by Kathryn Hoffses, PhD;  https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/cliques.html?view=ptr&WT.ac=t-ptr

    “Cliques attract people for different reasons: For some people, being popular or cool is the most important thing, and cliques give them a place where they can get this social status. Other people want to be in cliques because they don’t like to feel left out.”

    The funny thing is, this article was written for Teens.

    We once had someone tell us that if we are having a good time meeting couples and going on dates then we should skip the parties and Meet n Greets.

    They said, “It’s like high school again!”

    That kind of stuck with us. It does seem that way at times. We aren’t in the largest city in the U.S. and you quickly find out just how small the community is. As mentioned we often see many of the same people at these events. Many are just there for the drinks. Sometimes we wonder if certain people even ever play or if they are literally just there for the atmosphere. Every couple has their own dynamic. Everyone has their standards and boundaries, so that could be a real possibility.

    So, what can you do? Best advice we can give is just be you! I know it sounds cliché but honestly, it is the only thing you can do. You can’t control who wants to be your friend but you can control how you feel about yourself. When you go to events, try to look your best! Always dress to impress. We notice that is definitely an issue for men. There are so many that don’t even seem to try. Maybe their wife or SO is very sexy. Therefore, she becomes the focal point of their attraction. Then they become sort of one dimensional as a couple. Men in general just need to simply step up their game when it comes to fashion. Some of them show up to these events looking like they just rolled out of bed or left the gym and came straight over. It’s great that your wife looks so amazing’ so first question that comes to mind is, “Do you play separate”?

    There is always an exception to everything of course. We have met some of the most down to earth, attractive people in the LS as well. People, who in high school probably wouldn’t have even looked at us but now make us feel like we are part of something amazing and even have mindblowing sexual experiences with.

    As a couple we try to talk to anyone and everyone. You really never know where it may lead. Maybe they aren’t a sexual match but could be amazing people and having more friends is never a bad thing. You don’t have to have sex with everyone you meet. 

    Ha, “We don’t have to have sex with everyone we meet.” I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

    So, next time you are at a party or event, just put yourself out there. Talk to people. Be in the moment. Don’t get stagnant and stuck with one group or another. Make a sincere effort to reach out to people you haven’t talked to before. If at a party or meet, perhaps make it a point to meet 3-5 new people even if you spend most of your night with a certain group or hiding in the corner. Trust me, they are just as nervous as you are. You came all this way to fulfill you’re fantasies. Take that next step. Say hello to someone and don’t forget to smile!

    We are in an amazing place these days. So much is happening in 2021.

    If you have something you want covered or if there are any questions you have, please send us an email! Thanks for reading!

      

  • Swinging and Politics Don’t Mix

    Wow, what a hell of a year it’s been!

    We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.

    There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜


    This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.


    Also, there is a presidential election this year.

    We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.

    We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.

    So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.

    Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.

    This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.

    I know we’ve done this.

    We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.

    They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.

    Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.

    We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.

    We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.

    We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.

    We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.

    Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.

    Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.

    Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.

    If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.

    Until next time! Stay sexy and keep swingin!

  • Consent is Everything

    Consent is Everything

    Consent is everything in any potential sexual situation. Without proper consent people can feel violated, and the possibility of a great time can go south very quickly. There is a certain level of etiquette that goes along with the LS also. It is important to be very clear about what your intentions are.

    Recently we heard of a situation where a female who was naked at a party climbed on the lap of another’s husband and attempted to kiss him. Apparently this was an unwanted advance and it caused a bit of turmoil. His wife was upset and we feel it’s rightly so.

    You have to be sure you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship. LS rules are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. We were not there so the details we’ve heard were all one sided, but in this example if the naked woman spoke with the couple before deciding to mount the husband she may have found the interest level was not a match. Which would have saved her the embarrassment of being called out. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances. This particular couple is new in the LS community. A situation like this really gives an awful preview of how things happen within the LS. It might even scare people away.

    Unfortunately this is a bit common. Women don’t seem to follow the same rules of consent as men do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are men out there doing the same things and are overly aggressive. In fact, at a recent party we ran into a bit of aggression.

    Lily was dancing with a man who she found attractive, but things took an ugly turn because he didn’t check her level of interest and became a bit too rough.

    Lily doesn’t mind some rough play; however, he crossed the line. As they danced he was asking her rules, which was good, but then he went in for a kiss. At first it was fine until he decided to bite her lip. She didn’t like that at all. It wasn’t like a pleasant nibble. It was like he was trying to take a chomp out of a steak! She pulled away quickly and wanted off the dance floor. I had no idea this was happening until she pulled me away to tell me. For a week she had a bruised lip which upset her even more due to the fact that she had to make something up to tell family and co-workers. Not cool!

    In this situation, had he asked if she was into that she would have said no and maybe he would have gotten further with her, but his aggression completely turned her off. It didn’t matter if he was her type or not. That was it for him!

    Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask ask ask. You will find everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that’s ok! Not everyone will be into you and you won’t be into everyone either.

    There are many levels to different couple’s rules and boundaries. Even something as simple as trying to message or friend request someone’s SO can cause upset. If we get into a conversation with someone we will always make it a group conversation. This makes it very clear that we are not trying to pull anyone aside or be sneaky in any way. We see it all the time where someone will make a comment that a person contacted their SO and made advances without their knowledge. This only causes distrust. It breaks trust with you and between the couple. You don’t know their dynamic. They could be in a Dom/Sub relationship for example. In this case the sub would need permission to even talk to someone else.

    You must respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You don’t know unless you ask! Many people find it sexy, polite, and they welcome it. However awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the outcome of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward!

    Thank you once again for joining us! Tell us your thoughts on consent. We have some exciting posts we’re working on. We will cover our recent break from the LS, as well as the exciting party we attended prior to it. Hoping to finish all that up soon. If you enjoy this content please like, follow, and share! If you ever have any comments or questions please reach out to us! We don’t bite. Unless you’re cool with that!

  • To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    There have been many conversations amongst LS acquaintances of ours about kissing. Some feel it’s too intimate, like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. They will give all of themselves to someone else but the lips are only for the one who they love. Others crave the sexual tension kissing builds and the connection it gives them with another person. It makes them feel wanted, sexy, and allows them to feel the chemistry they need to take it to the next level.

    Some argue that if you can have sex with someone who is not your significant other then you sure as hell should have no issue having a steamy make-out session. After all it is a vital part of foreplay, isn’t it?

    According to Bitishcouncil.org;

    “The dopamine released during a kiss can stimulate the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. As a result, we experience feelings of euphoria and addictive behaviour. Oxytocin, otherwise known as the ‘love hormone’, fosters feelings of affection and attachment.”

    https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/kiss-science-smooching

    Given this is what kissing can do to a person it makes perfect sense why some couples have reason to keep kissing to themselves. Though most we find in the LS have no ill intentions of taking your mate away and brush kissing off as a form of greeting among other like-minded people. Still it can give you pause with the realization of how strong it can effect you emotionally.

    So just how do some people even allow kissing to be on the table in an non-monogamous way without fear of destroying their own home?

    This is such an individualized thing. To have entered this lifestyle in the first place a couple must already have an extreme eternal trust. Lily and I have built a strong deep trust over the years. We tell each other everything. There should be no secrets between a lifestyle couple.  Or any couple for that matter. These experiences shared are not about one-upping or sneaking a quickie with someone else without your partner knowing. To us anyway, it’s all about experiencing it all together. There has to be a certain level of maturity and self awareness in order to make any of this work.

    We have encountered couples who don’t kiss on two occasions now. Surprisingly both were at LifeinStyleSTL Parties like the one we talk about in LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1.

    It is paramount to discuss your rules and be sure about what you as a couple will allow before any play. This alleviates any misunderstandings. Others should understand and respect those boundaries as they expect you to respect theirs.

    Dinner before meet n greet. We drank the whole bottle.

    Personally, we love kissing! We love the affection and the closeness. Yes, it is intimate but so is oral. We don’t have rules against kissing at all other than making sure the other is in agreement with who we are kissing.

    At a recent meet n greet I was kissed by two different women at separate times throughout the evening. Lily became slightly upset with me. Especially with the second one. We had some pretty intense kissing right next to her at the bar and I think she felt left out. I didn’t think anything of it but it really bothered her. It may have been more that we drank a whole bottle of wine before going out and her tipsy emotions got the best of her. She was done with the night and ready to go. It was a bit frustrating since there were so many people there we had been wanting to meet for a long time. Instead we found ourselves calling an Uber at 10:30 and she went silent for the rest of the evening.

    In hindsight I should have checked in with her before enjoying the lips of another and that was my error and lesson learned. Even though we are a couple who enjoys kissing it clearly can spark a bit of an uncomfortable situation if not discussed and agreed upon before.

    Kissing is intimate, it’s exhilarating, exciting, and oh so sexy! It can however bring up feelings in some people that may be unexpected whether you are the one kissing, being kissed, or witness to your significant other kissing. You as a couple must be honest and have a serious conversation if kissing is something you will allow or if you will keep it for yourselves.

    Tell us what you think! Are you a kissing couple? Do you share your lips or are they sealed from the lifestyle? There is no one way in the LS.

    Thanks for coming back to read our thoughts and experiences. If you have any questions that come up please do not hesitate to contact us. If there is something you would like discussed let us know and we are happy to see how we may tackle it! If you enjoy the content please be sure to like, subscribe and share with others! Kisses! 😘

  • Swinger Sites and Other Ways to Meet Lifestyle Friends

    We have been in the lifestyle for quite some time.  Having met as teenagers we found early in our relationship that sharing was an intoxicating exciting adventure we wanted to be a part of.  Still together close to half a century later our passion for the swinger lifestyle has grown immensely.  We are constantly looking for exciting new ways to meet other couples and even singles.

    From apps to swinger sites even twitter we will share a few we like what has worked for us!

    Swinger Sites

    There are so many sites these days. All the websites seem to be regional. We have signed up for many but have only forked over the money for two at this point.

    1. Swinglifestyle.com (SLS)

    https://www.swinglifestyle.com/autopilot/swinger468.cfm?signup=gdalecouple

    This was the first swinger site we ever joined.  We have been members for about seven years and have met some fun, sexy people through this website.  

    When we lived in California we found this site to be full of people just like us.  We took advantage of a one time fee to be Lifetime members.

    Known to most as SLS, it is, from what we have heard, one of the original lifestyle sites. It is fairly easy to use. Creating a profile is simple and straight forward. You will only need your email address and to complete their profile section. Then add some pictures and you are on your way.

    The search section is very easy to use and allows you to narrow the filter down to what kind of person or couple you are looking for. You can also search only paid members if you prefer.

    Members seem to be pretty active on this site. We have met and successfully had quite a few sexy encounters through the site.

    There is a section to post calendar events or “hot dates”.  If you are going to be going out and looking for someone to join you simply post a “Hot Date” with the details of what you are looking for.  Also many local and non-local events are listed.

    The messenger is a bit clunky and isn’t great for long conversations but it works well enough to get the fun started.  We usually will flip to Kik messenger like most people if the conversation is heating up.

    You will need to pay for this sites best features.  With a free account you can get a good look at everything that is provided and you may even receive messages but will not be able to send any or even reply.

    All in all we like this site.  It has worked well for us on the West Coast and the Midwest.  Though lately it has not been our goto but we still check it every now and again since we are lifetime members.

    2. Couple Fore Play (C4P)

    https://www.clubforeplay.com/

    Club Fore Play or C4P is another site we learned about in 2018. Of course it allows for profile creation and the ability to add pictures as with any of them. I don’t believe there is an ability to instant message in any way.

    There are three separate picture album categories. You have your public photo album. This is where you should post pics that will catch the eye of potential playmates. Then they have a restricted section. Non-paying members can’t see these which is kind of a cool feature but a bit unnecessary. Last you have your private photo album. This album is where your naughty pictures and even face pictures should go. You get to decide who sees them. You can remove access at any time.

    The email is pretty simple and even gives you a bunch of fun little emojis. It also gives the option to send the email as, Us, Him, or Her. That is pretty nice as a lot of times I will vet people and don’t want to start off as we are both responding.

    I don’t think they offer a lifetime membership but we have used it pretty often and met some great friends. We simply signed up for a year or two.

    Like SLS it has a section where all the local and regional events are taking place. You can sign up easily directly through the site for parties and meet n greets.

    There are features to send a wink with a brief message. It’s a nice little ice breaker to let someone know you are interested. We have received winks from couples who we then reached out to with an email.

    One thing I don’t care for, and actually it is like this on both sites, is that when you check out a profile the member(s) know that you have been looking. It would be nice to anonymously browse. I understand why they do it this way is to promote interaction but sometimes you are enticed by a profile picture only to find out once opening the entire profile that they may not be a match for you. It would be nice to have that person(s) not know unless you want them to.

    I am really only covering sites we are paid members on because it is difficult to review any of these sites as only a free member as you really don’t have access to everything. However there are many other sites very similar like SDC.com, Kasadie.com, older ones like Adultfriendfinder or Fetlife. There are so many available and most are regional. Let us know which you prefer and what has worked for you!

    PHONE APPS

    Another avenue is phone apps. Although we have not used this method all that much we gave a couple a try.

    Tinder

    Tinder was created as a local dating app and allows you to swipe right or left to decide if you are interested in someone. A connection is made when you both swipe the same right. You are then able to send a message to get to know the person.

    Never really had much luck with this app. You can go through all the photos in a day and only make a handful of connections. Out of those connections many didn’t even respond to a message sent. I have heard this is a hookup app but we did not experience that from it and really got nothing out of it’s use. Most people are single and it doesn’t really lend itself to couples though we have heard some people have success.

    3fun

    3fun is an app that advertises itself for threesomes and swingers. The problem with it right off is there just aren’t enough members. It is very regional and not quite enough people have signed up in this area as of yet. If they get the numbers up it could be pretty great. It is nice to not have to explain that you are part of a couple like in tinder. https://www.go3fun.co/ad/TK10121

    Social Media

    If you don’t know, you have got to find out! Social media seems to be the way to go to truly make meeting local swingers easy! You can quickly find out so much about the community around you with a simple hashtag!

    Twitter

    This is where we started. Twitter is a hot spot for naughty fun. We never knew there was a dirty secret side to twitter until we started listening to some of the Lifestyle Podcasts and the hosts would say to follow them on Twitter. Checking out their page would connect us to other pages with similar interest. Eventually we started to notice there were tons of sexy fun people in Twitter land who lived right in our own community or very close to it! This is how we discovered the LifeinstyleSTL group who throws those amazing parties like we talk about in https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2018/09/26/lifeinstyle-hotel-takeover-part-1/

    Meeting that group bust the local scene wide open for us and it was all thanks to Twitter.

    Twitter is so easy to use and you likely have an account. We love it because we find the anonymity sexy and alluring. We began sharing the occasional sexy picture here and there and interacting with a few podcasters. It is all about the hashtag. I fought for years with myself to never say hashtag. It was always the number sign or pound key but! Well I gave in! A few key hashtags will link you to a very sexy and explicit world where swingers, freaks, and sex fiends collide.

    At first we were very selective about who we allowed to follow us and we kept our account locked. That all changed when we met a few other people who used their account not only to interact with other sexy swingers but also to promote, grow, and even make money!

    We still maintain our anonymity but we are in several groups who retweet and share our posts to help us gain a larger audience. This is great for cam models or those who are looking to sell something. We haven’t quite crossed that line just yet but who knows what the future may hold?

    Ever since Tumblr cracked down on adult content Twitter has been flooded with people of all sexual appetites! While we personally do not use it as an avenue to meet others in the Lifestyle anymore due to one follower who kind of ruined it for us, it totally can be used in that way. With the amount of users it’s reach never seems to end.

    Facebook

    For meeting others local and vetting them quickly there is really no comparison. Facebook has become our go to for finding out the latest events and local gatherings. There are so many groups and they are all hidden. We have a profile specifically set up for these groups so it does not overlap into our vanilla world. We don’t know for sure but assume these private groups are likely the norm in most communities. For us it seemed like once we got into one we began being invited to others. We are in groups for just our city, others for surrounding cities, and even ones for our whole state or adjacent states.

    In these groups people share funny memes, everyday chit chat , and naughty pics. The pictures aren’t quite as naughty as twitter due to the strict policies. Many members often get their account suspended for pushing the limits. They end up in “Facebook jail”. This has happened to us a handful of times. Sometimes we’d challenge the suspension because there was no full nudity. Some of these rulings were reversed in our favor. Others we would serve a 24 hour suspension. I think the most we ever had was a few days. Which isn’t bad since we know some people who have had several 30 day suspensions. Nonetheless you have to be careful what you share. While you can still choose to be mostly anonymous if you’d like it is easy to be yourself in most of these groups and it really is beneficial to do so. You find out how small the swinger community is very quickly and it is easy to meet other play partners because these groups are so localized.

    We love Facebook for the easy of use and the ability to make friends easily. One piece of advice if you are going to create a Lifestyle profile. Make sure to block your personal profile. Otherwise your Lifestyle profile will be recommended to friends and family.

    I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything. I am terrible at follow up and there was a time where we considered creating a podcast instead. If you are still with me I thank you for coming back!

    We have been through so much this year in the Lifestyle. Recently we have hit a wall. We are needing to step aside a bit and focus on our relationship a bit. That being said I have so much I want to tell you all so I will try to keep posting. I am going to try to figure a way to explain what has happened to cause us to want to take a break. Unfortunately sometimes you run in to things you didn’t expect going in and they cause you to have to take some time to process before you are able to go forward.

    Although we love our naughty escapades, our marriage and family always come first.

    Thanks again for reading. Tell me if any of these options worked for you in your pursuit of sexiness!