Swing Open Authentic

Tag: Consent

  • Togather Again: Why Theme Nights are the Best LS Icebreakers

    Togather Again: Why Theme Nights are the Best LS Icebreakers

    “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

    You are given the opportunity to dress up as bold as you’d like, and for this event, it was a toga party. Fun, extravagant costumes, creative drapes, and wild wigs. it is always an absolute blast!

    A good theme allows you to open up right from the beginning. When everyone is being wild and silly in their togas all at the same time, it completely takes the pressure off. You immediately have something to talk about, whether you are complimenting someone’s hair, how they wrapped their sheet, or their fun accessories. There is always so much to take in, and I certainly took my share!

    Toga! Toga!

    We love a good theme night. It always reminds me of some of the other fun ones we’ve been to, like cowboy nights, or the massive Halloween parties that are coming up right around the corner. I really hope we can make it out to one of the big Halloween bashes this year!

    Navigating New Dynamics and Metamours

    Though I went solo to this particular event, my girlfriend met me there with her husband. He is also a good friend of mine. In the poly world, we are each other’s metamour or “meta” for short.

    A meta is the partner of one of your partners; someone you may not be romantically involved with yourself, but with whom you share a mutual connection. Some people prefer to get to know their metas very well, while others prefer to steer completely clear of them. Personally, we get along great.

    This relationship is still somewhat new. Although her and I have been seeing each other for nearly two years now, we only made things official a few weeks ago. We were lying in bed together following a wild display of exhibitionism we performed for onlookers at a loft party… but I digress.

    To top off an already amazing night, my girlfriend actually won the prize for best women’s costume! She looked absolutely incredible in her toga, and seeing her get recognized by the crowd was a massive highlight. She even treated me to a little celebratory twerking right there, which was incredibly hot Tiktok did not like me posting the footage but you can find it on X!

    Best women’s costume winner!

    Shifting Perspectives on Meet n Greets

    This event was a meet n greet. In the past, I was never a big fan of them. If you recall way back in 2018, I covered the topic in our post We Suck at Meet n Greets.

    When wifey and I first got involved in the lifestyle, we didn’t have much interest in making deep, emotional bonds. We were strictly focused on exploring our sexual fantasies and fulfilling them together. Back then, if there was nowhere to play at the venue, it was usually a hard “no” from us.

    But things were completely different this time around. Since those early days, I’ve gotten to know a ton of people in this community, so walking into the room felt less like navigating an awkward bar and more like catching up with old friends. It was awesome to see all the different relationship dynamics sharing space under one roof, with everyone from traditional swingers to full-on polyamorous folks mingling together.

    The turnout wasn’t quite as packed as it sometimes gets, but that actually left plenty of room for things to get wonderfully chaotic. They hosted some party games to break the ice, including musical chairs and a wild scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt escalated quickly to the point where two guys ended up completely naked after their underwear was surrendered as part of the game!

    We Are the Community

    My girlfriend reminded me a while ago of something that really stuck with me: if we don’t actively show up to these types of events, they eventually go away. We can’t just wait around for the perfect play party; we are the community, and we have to support it to keep it alive.

    The warmth of that community vibe really hit home at the end of the night when I was saying goodbye to everyone. As I went around hugging and waving, I ran into an old friend. I gave her a hug and a quick peck, to which she playfully smirked and said, “We have licked each other’s privates, I should get more than a peck!”

    We ended up having a hot, unexpected makeout session right there. Afterward, I simply let her know my golden rule: just because I had prior consent in the past doesn’t mean I automatically assume future consent.

    She looked at me and replied, “You have permanent consent.”

    That interaction really made me stop and reflect on the drive home. Hearing that made me realize that she is actually the third woman this year alone who has offered me a standing “free use” green light. It’s an incredible compliment, a huge ego boost, and a testament to the trust you can build with amazing people in this lifestyle when you respect boundaries.

    My mindset has completely shifted since opening up to polyamory and pursuing more in-depth connections. Now, I would much rather find myself in a room full of open-minded, authentic people at a local dive bar than share a single fake smile with a vanilla crowd.

    What Do You Think?

    Now I want to hear from you guys! Do you love a good theme party, or do they feel like too much pressure? What are your favorite themes you’ve been to, or what’s the wildest experience you’ve had at an icebreaker event? Drop a comment below and share your stories!

    Me with the winner! I’m the winner here! 🥰

  • The Great DM Debate Solved? (Compromise)

    Sitting at my computer with a burnt finger from grabbing a spoon, so absent mindedly left on our hot stove. Feeling slightly stressed, anxious and, a bit stoned. Flicking through Facebook, thinking back on the week that was.

    There was an incident early last week which caused my intentions to be questioned due to an ill-timed “inside”, that had a punch line really only known by a few. If you knew that the humor in the situation was more picking on myself than any group of people, you might just have chuckled along too.

    Nonetheless, it was in poor taste. Occasionally, comedy misses the mark and leaves a bad taste. But, I know, this is only the beginning of opening up to a community I should have been a part of far longer than you could even comprehend.

    Continuing to scroll I come to yet ANOTHER posts about, “unsolicited DM’s”.

    If you’re in the LS these days, we know so much happens through Facebook. It brings the community to your home. You are always connected. Part of something. One of us.

    The first time a bluefish makes his way into a group like this, they are like a kid in a candy store!

    Settle down, brother. There is etiquette. It has to be difficult for a single guy in a community like this. Even more difficult is the male following a divorce within the community. Something I hope to never face, but can’t help feeling sadness for the way some relationships go south so quickly. We have stood on that edge ourselves, but somehow always pull each other back and hold on dearly to what we have created.

    The Unicorn. Pretty much the polar opposite of the bluefish. She can nearly do no wrong in the eyes of these great gatekeepers of the Lifestyle community. Her word is bond. She may suggest the very same notion the single guy or in my case the polyamorous married one, and yet, the guy is the one who still gets banned from a group and labeled as unsafe.

    Cringing at the whole situation, my thumbs are tense. Eagerly wanting to again voice my opinion on the “Nanny State” culture we are being forced to accept by some, simply to maintain being a part of the community.

    Everyone is watching everyone else. Everyone sees who fails and who seems plentiful. It fuels jealousy, competition and hatred. Rumors spread like wildfire and an individuals reputation can be ripped to shreds in a click of a mouse.

    These Facebook Groups do add value though. They are a necessary evil, as they bring us together. Allow us to build relationships and bonds. Family and friends at our fingertips.

    Still staring at the post, trying to bite my tongue this time, not to engage in the same winless debate. Everyone just looks like an asshole in the end.

    Instead, I pause.

    It is time for a new tactic. None of us are getting anywhere with this argument and it is causing a break in a beautiful community.

    My thoughts go to, why some feel it is so necessary to guard their inbox so fiercely?

    There are some who equate an unsolicited message to rape or child molestation. This is a disgusting slap in the face to those who have actually faced these traumas.

    At first, I think they are whiny brats who maybe weren’t hugged enough or something, but we’ve all had traumas. My frustrations are replaced with sympathy and sadness for whatever it is that caused some to feel so unsafe they aren’t able to deal with a random DM.

    Scrolling past the message without even a like or comment several times, I ponder what could be done to help those feel safe without causing those who don’t share the same concerns to continue to feel free to message how they see fit.

    Respecting something because it works for some, while still not agreeing with the way it is handled for all, is completely valid.

    Many of us value our privacy. It is that simple. Of course, there will always be those who are rude and do not follow common decency. But there has to be a way that we can handle it in a less invasive manner.

    I’m still unsure how sending a picture of your cock as an opening line is the best thing you could come up with. You actually think you have the magical penis she has been missing out on all these years? Does it at least come with tacos? Something about women and their tacos.

    Besides the few bad apples, who may be easily weeded out, most of us have the best of intentions. We are hoping for connections and exciting experiences.

    So how is COMPOMISE achieved?

    My proposal could be used as a universal rule in just about all the groups. It will clearly let others know if your DMs are open to any who dare to enter, or closed, preferring others to ask in open forum for permission to send a message.

    It would have to be something like a symbol everyone could see so it is very clear. This would give the choice to the individual and not the admins, who have far better things to do than hold our hands about using our private messages.

    We all have a main profile page. It’s like your profile home page. What if there was a symbol system, we could use to let everyone know our personal preference?

    Below you will see how you can add a mailbox emoji to your main page. We could each put up our preferred inbox.

    If you place an open mailbox📭, this means you don’t mind others sending messages without prior approval and opt to handle your messages as you see fit. If you place the closed mailbox📪, you have expressed that prior approval is being requested before sending messages.

    To do this for your own Facebook Profile, it is simple! Follow the directions below!

    Start by switching to your main profile page, as shown here.

    Click the button circled in red that says, “Edit profile”.

    Once at the edit profile page, scroll down to, “Bio”.

    Click on, “Edit Bio”.

    This will bring you to a screen like the one shown next. You can fill this in with anything you would like. Including Emojis!📪📭

    Locate the emoji, needed. In this case either the open mailbox 📭 or the closed mailbox 📪 Choose which suits your profile best and add it. This will allow anyone who is in the know to clearly see how you prefer your DMs to be handled.

    An Open mailbox if you don’t mind random messages.

    A closed mailbox for those who would prefer public approval.

    Do not forget to save your work!

    This will hopefully cut down on the weekly battles. Everyone is able to choose their preference. It makes it clear to everyone else. It will also make it very clear who has difficulty with boundaries. Admins do not get paid. They are not policing every moment and really have likely far better things to do with their time. With this in place, an admin may simply let anyone joining these groups know that it is their responsibility to set their preference.

    If this catches on, it could alleviate one of the most common arguments we are currently have in these groups.

    This community is welcoming, but lately the flood gates have opened. It seems many are somehow stumbling upon this world with no real insight, and they demand it is adjusted to fit their personal belief system what they should do is, observe and learn from others who have already been around for a long time. There is space for everyone to swing as they choose. We realize everyone is not at the same level. There is nothing wrong with having your own beliefs and boundaries, but when you force others to change theirs simply to suit you, then you cause nothing but drama which you all claim to not be a part of.

    We hope this helps ease some tensions. We prefer to help the community we love rather that battle over it. These are not gangs. Some will be firm in their stance and that is ok. Perhaps they can create a no contact community, where they send memes and emojis in a forum style chat all day and never actually open themselves to direct interaction. That kind of group would also alleviate the need for the “Rule”.

    Admins, we appreciate what you do, for the most part. There are some of you who run your group like a tyrannical fascist dictator, whilst calling those who are truly accepting of all, a bigot, or “privileged” based on little but the knowledge of their skin color and assumed gender. These people should be challenged for their hypocrisies.

    We now have men being put on display in groups for simply sending a message. This creates so much unnecessary drama. There are also situations with men being slandered for not being able to perform or a couple not handling a situation perfectly attacked with screen shots of their pictures or conversations. It’s disgusting.

    As Mizzy Bender so perfectly said it in her morning talk, “Do Better”!

    Check out that conversation in the link below, that was perfectly timed with the quarrels we’ve been seeing locally. Be sure to check out her website, including the Mizzy Bender Shows, and Mind Bender Parties. Seems like an amazing amount of entertainment, and to us, an inspiration in the community!

    https://fb.watch/fH7rSe2hGo/

    If you have suggestions, or there are other things in the Lifestyle Community you are unhappy with, please share those thoughts with us. Perhaps we will address other issues in the future.

    Recording and editing for the podcast is still underway. With our busy schedule, there is only time to work on it briefly, but “So Authentic” the podcast will be released this year as promised! If you have a unique story of a how you live Authentic, please share it with us. It does not have to be necessarily in the world of non-monogamy. If you have a business that in some way helps the community, then please share that as well!

    We all want to be a part of this amazing thing we’ve found. Let’s all find ways to not only safely grow, but better our community. Be kind to each other. For those of you who are new to the community, perhaps observe a bit? There are many who are showing up, thinking it’s a sex fest free for all. There is etiquette. Give more than you take. Remember, this is about living freely non-monogamous. If you just came to party with naked women, you could simply go to a strip club. You do not belong at an LS party.

    Should you have any questions or comments, do not hesitate to reach out. Swinopenmo@gmail.com

    Thank you so much for reading! Have a sexy ass weekend!

  • Taking the Plunge

    Taking the Plunge

    These fantasies can be overpowering. They consume your thoughts throughout the day and fuel your passion into the evening. The only release seems to be the momentary comfort from your next mind blowing orgasm that’s been built up from all the images, but even that is fleeting and you find yourself right back where you started.

    Researching the reality of this world, you hope to push your relationship into, but all the fears and beliefs you were raised on weigh heavy on you, causing an internal battle between lust and morals. The more you read, learn and process, the more comfort you find in knowing you are not alone. However, your religious beliefs or simple family expectations, may make it a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment. Those who are able to overcome this find themselves a freedom few will come to know.

    Cuckolding and hotwife stories were always such a turn on for me. It’s kind of where it all began. Late nights were spent at my family computer, as a teen with raging hormones, consuming story after story. We had a giant old dot matrix printer that I would print my favorites. These typically included stories about cheating, hotwifing, gangbangs, and cuckolding. Still to this day, my go to stories involve a spouse or girlfriend so lost in lust, she gives little thought to her man watching her be used. Hearing her moan in ways he never could make her. She transforms into a primal slut ready to pleasure any man who might need release. Any man but him. There’s a look of sorrow in her eyes, knowing how wrong it all seems, but with each thrust, the concern is only on the pleasure she is receiving.

    Swinging by sharing partners is one thing, but having the courage to allow your spouse the freedom to experience pleasure in every imaginable way can be extremely gratifying. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one such couple. New to the lifestyle but gaining steam by plunging right in the deep end. Dustin and Leslie were introduced to me by a friend. They have done a complete 180 in their marriage dynamic, going from pure to pornographic in a very short time, with no signs of slowing down.

    Dustin has put together a guest post, which tells of how they came to find this world of salacious behaviors in an effort to reclaim their sex life.

    They can be followed on twitter @showmeswing and @AEll812

    Guest Post by Dustin

    Yesterday as I was searching for collars to buy my wife with the words “Hotwife” or “Slut” on them, I had a how-in-the-world-did-we-get-here moment. Then about two hours later I was sitting across a bar table from a new bull for my wife when he asked me to explain how we got into the lifestyle, and again I was faced with the question of how we got here. Racking my brain, I had to go all the way back to a conversation I had with my great-grandpa on his deathbed. I asked him what he would do differently if he had a second chance. Being a religious man, I thought he would say that he should have been a missionary or something really noble. But he didn’t. He said he would have made sure his wife had a better life. They were farmers who worked incredibly hard their whole lives. He hadn’t mistreated her, he just didn’t make her enjoyment a priority. I left that room on a mission to make my wife’s life better, to give her experiences and joys in this world. I booked a trip to Vegas shortly after that. I didn’t know what else to do. (My wife said she wishes I had picked housework). The second part of this impetus was my growing addiction to pornography, particularly cuckolding.

    This fascination with sharing my wife, coupled with my frustration of not having much sex in my marriage, led me to searching for help just a few months ago. The Twitter wormhole brought me to some swingers who recommended a sex therapist. Well, to say this lady was a miracle worker would be too inadequate. My wife had been a staunchly religious, rule-following, prudish, great woman. She was my best friend, partner, therapist, and boon companion, always positive and encouraging and trustworthy – darn near perfect excluding the bedroom. But in the bedroom, she was pretty cold. She just had trouble letting go of a spirit of religiosity and the feeling that everything good must be bad. More on that some other time perhaps, but the short of it was that I felt like I had a Porsche with no keys. Within weeks, my good Christian wife (who still loves Jesus, btw) was liberated from the evil spirit of religiosity and what erupted from within was 44 years of suppressed desires and suffocated fantasies. What we have now is a glorious amalgamation of all of the good parts of her old self (sweetness, forgiveness, patience, trustworthiness, integrity) and this unshackled, raw, passionate self. She went from Puritan to Porn Star in two months. And, no, I won’t give you the name of the therapist, lol.

    Moments before Leslie’s first gangbang

    I know many readers will say that this is too sudden to stick, or that we will crash and burn. Maybe. But I can see your wager, and I’ll raise you a nickel that we actually have a smashing good time despite some bumps. We are consummating our marriage for the first time really. We’re not virgins, yet we have just now “known” each other because our hearts are exposed for each other — all of them, including the secrets and most vulnerable parts. My secret sins have been brought into the light and I’ve been forgiven by her. Because we’re connecting and all the parts of me are being satisfied, my porn consumption has plummeted. (Who needs porn when you’re making porn?) And I’m finally able to love all of her, because I actually know her now. Half of her pieces were missing from the puzzle, and although we never get the complete picture because it keeps changing, I know more of her now and I really, really, really like it!

    As it stands, we are attempting to swing some (which hasn’t gone well) but mostly my wife has been hotwifing. Turns out it’s much easier to find a guy to have sex with a beautiful woman than it is to find a woman to have sex with a man that looks like he ate himself forty pounds ago. Who knew?

    I want you to know that this process has not all gone smashingly here in the beginning. There were nights I did not handle things well when I found out other guys got something I had been waiting for for 25 years. And then there were all the insecurities that came out: “You never made that sound with me;” “Hey, can you not text him while I’m trying to talk to you?” and “Three hours, really? What happened to ‘getting sore’ after 30 minutes?” From my wife’s perspective, she’s wrestling with her spiritual schema, her self-exploration, which is emotional, her role as mother to aging teens, her fun-to-responsibilities balance, and her insecure and paranoid husband. Considering everything, she has done an amazing job!

    She convinced me that no one is going to steal her heart. Convincing a paranoid person of anything is nearly impossible, so I’m sure she’ll have to do that many times. My goal was to bless her with great experiences, not steal all the fun by barraging her with 30 questions when she gets home from a rendezvous, and then pouting afterwards. I’d like to think those nights are behind us, but I have a feeling they aren’t. In the lifestyle people will often say, “Don’t get into this to fix your marriage.” I totally understand why that’s true. This has been testing on many parts of our relationship — things like openness, transparency, communication, bonding, trust, compromise, and others. Thankfully, those bits were strong. It was the sex we needed help with and although our radically improved sex life hasn’t “fixed our marriage,” it sure as hell helped.

    Sometimes I question how this all ends at our current trajectory, but I know we’re happier than we’ve ever been, more bonded, more in love, more hopeful, more free, more forgiving and inclusive, more ourselves, and more likely to handle bumps in the road. We actually have a little momentum for the bumps, I think. This has been our experience so far. We have much to learn. In closing, I want to lay out an argument for spouse sharing and it’s this: I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wonder if my sweetheart, my bride, my partner and lover had a good life. In one sense we’re all in charge of our own happiness, but in the real world, a spouse has a great deal of influence over our happiness, and I’m likely the only one she’ll ever have. So, I need to facilitate experiences, encourage her to be her true self, and even give her the freedom to live out her desires because I love her. I will fail many times. I also need to remind myself daily that her happiness is more important than my pride and that her love for me is unwavering. If I can remember those things, and we can communicate and grow, then I think we have decent odds at doing smashingly.

  • Times They Are A-Changin

    Times They Are A-Changin

    Do you ever get stuck feeling ashamed of the life you have chosen? Many of us were taught to find that one true love. We were told there is this mystical person out there who will fit perfectly, meet our every need, and be our soul mate. If you are a woman, HE will be your prince charming. He will sweep you off your feet and swoon you into a life of “happily ever afters” . If you’re a man, SHE will be your perfect dream girl, your queen and sex goddess. She will tend to your every need and you will live in bliss!

    Well, we have decided these lessons were all a bunch of bullshit. Passed down from generation to generation. Stemming from a puritanical society. The same society who would have us believe not only that we lack the capability to love more than one person at a time, but the ONE you choose must be of the opposite sex. These unspoken rules of relationships leave some afraid to ever look beyond the norm for fear of ridicule or being cast aside by those they believed to be friends and in some cases even family.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before, but an acquaintance once told me, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man. They just haven’t been fucked by right one to turn them gay.”

    Not knowing how to react to such ignorance, I simply laughed and moved on. The number of openly bisexual women in the LS community is staggering. It’s encouraged, supported and sought after by every couple and single.  Everyone is chasing their unicorn.

    How do we help this community, who claims to be accepting of all to go further and actually be completely accepting of all?

    One thing we can do is step out in the open and realize many of us are the same. I can not tell you the number of men I have met with in the community who says they are bi or at least curious but they don’t tell anyone for fear of what it could mean.

    Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum! I have learned that this year. Recently, The Red Couch talks about this in their recent post about Bisexual Men in the Swingers Community https://theredcouch.co/2021/09/21/bisexual-men-swingers-community/

    https://theredcouch.co/

    My journey this year followed a plan to revisit my interest in men. Muscular dominant men to be exact. Most of my current friends are unaware in my past I considered my self bi-curious, yet never pursued this interest. Besides a few adventurous nights in my youth, after about 2000, I had left this part of me in the rear view.

    Growing up with three older brothers, the raw testosterone that coursed through our home, was fueled even more by my overbearing step-father doing his best to mold us in to fine strapping young men. Being the youngest out of us four allowed me to slack slightly on much of the hard labor, yet still reap some of the benefits. They’d hunt and fish. I’d eat well. They’d learn how to fix cars and clean guns. I got high and learned drums and guitar. I wrote songs, read plays, and was the hopeless romantic. While they played sports, chased girls, and got in fights.

    Perhaps my status as baby of the house coupled with my brothers tendency to steal my food if I stepped away from the table even for a second, kept me a bit smaller than the rest of my siblings. Ranging from 5’11” to 6’2″ or maybe 6’3″ and built like lineman, with each of them having played such for our high-school football teams. The oldest went on to play football through college on a partial scholarship as a nose tackle.

    They were your basic rough and tough guy jocks. I don’t know what kept me from following along like one more lemming, but I couldn’t be more different.  All my life I dreamed of being a Hollywood star. My style was always a bit eclectic, sporting wide leg JNCOs with long hair, thinking I looked like Kurt Cobain in my later high school days.(I did not) In Middle school I’d often emulate movie characters in the way I’d dress. Especially from mafia movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I’d show up in loafers, dress pants and a silk purple shirt with my hair slicked back like a real greaseball. Around my neck I wore a fake gold chain that went perfect with my gold ring, watch and bracelet. No wonder I started getting picked on more often.

    A bit of a class clown is what kept some friends with me, cracking jokes like, “I’m not gay my boyfriend is” was par for the course.

    This love for the music and the arts was passed down from my father who was a Theater teacher, as well as a performer in his own right. Even today he continues write and perform in plays and play music in a blues band all around the area. As a child I went to rehearsals and performances of his. Captivated by the sense of play, the fun of playing dress up and pretending really caught hold of me.

    My parents were divorced when I was about 2 years old. My dad remarried twice as of today, but my first stepmother had a daughter who happened to be lesbian. We didn’t discuss it much, but I heard she married another woman and they both wore tuxedos. Although I also heard she was now divorced and married to a gay man or something. None of this ever seemed odd to me. Even with my rather conservative up bringing.

    Of course my actions and behavior around others was very different. My brother’s could never know I was ok with someone being gay. Even one of our cousins, who never hid his sexuality for a second, They would treat like family to his face, but make awful comments if he were to be brought up when not around. It was difficult and looking back now, I am ashamed of my behavior and things I’ve said regarding the gay community. The jokes I made at their expense, often to just fit in are inexcusable. Not saying I’m flying the LBGTQ+ flag and getting all political about it. But the part that truly matters is allowing people to be with and love who ever they feel is right for them. People don’t marry or have relationships for a community. They do it for themselves. Connections make us feel whole. Personal happiness is just that, personal. As mentioned before, I am out of fucks! Running Out of Fucks

    Recently, a post from our Instagram @Swingopenmo was inadvertently sent these three older brothers. There was no connection to us really and I was able to remove the post so the link would come back empty if they were to click on it. Still they could read the Instagram blurb that goes above the post. They made their jokes, but I played it off as it was someone else’s that was sent to me, and I then sent it to them in error. Whether they bought it or not the jury is still out, but I nearly pulled the mask off and just told them the truth. I keep asking myself, what difference does it make? No matter how they respond, we love who we are and do not intend to change. But we decided to just let it be.

    Well, Today is National Coming Out Day after all. Lily is not entirely on board with the idea to be completely open just yet, but she is considering it. But today’s post is about me opening up to the LS community and beginning to be more honest with myself.

    From a young age I was aware of my sexuality. Many nights I’d spend exploring my body. Often blurring the lines of gender in my mind.  I discovered rather quickly this spectrum of sexuality. Gay or straight never mattered much in my mind. To me, if the moment was hot and it turned me on, then I was likely to give it a try. We don’t always need labels. Things can be left to be whatever they are without categorizing.

    As covered in the beginning in Retribution, we got into swinging while doing a lot of ecstasy in our late teens early twenties. Chris, who I’ve talked about before as one of my best childhood friends would share Lily off and on for a couple years. One night, Lily, Chris and I thought it’d be fun to shower together. We were still coming off rolling the night before, and our bodies were still craving to be touched. Although Lily was there for us to use as we pleased, our hands moved all over. Lily was very interested in all of us exploring each other. She was kissing him, he was kissing her, he was touching me and I was rubbing on him.  There were no lines drawn and no boundaries. We wanted to see what a double blow job would be like. Not having another girl was no issue. We simply took turns helping Lily suck. Allowing each to get a chance to feel what it was like. The whole experience was insanely erotic for us three. The warm shower dripping down on the three of us as we pleasured each other other without shame, guilt, or misunderstanding. Gender didn’t matter to me. The moment pulled me in, our hormones were through the roof.

    Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go try it. If you are a “super straight”, then just equate it to two women and you’ll be fine.

    I am fully aware that putting this out there, might cause some of you to distance yourself from me and that’s ok. Lily is still by my side and that is the most important thing to me. Not to mention my girlfriend and all the others who I have already opened up to.

    Taking this year to explore what I felt may have been my bi-sexual side quickly turned to me realizing I am completely pansexual. I’ve had new adventures trying things I never realized I’d enjoy. Like a hot blonde with a strap on! Highly recommend. I’ve also had threesomes and foursomes where everyone was touching everyone. There were no awkward moments with someone shouting, “No Homo”. 

    I had to ask myself, am I having a midlife crisis? Is this actually something I want to be doing? I could see no reason why not.

    For those who are my friends and our friends, please note, I do not intend to try to fuck everyone. Consent is still a very real thing. If you haven’t heard, we did discuss that in a previous blog post. Consent is Everything

    Coming out on National Coming Out day has been my plan all year. Thinking back, these feelings were sprinkled throughout my life even before Lily and Chris.

    Flashes of my childhood flicker in my mind. At just 4 years old, in preschool we were all outside playing in the school yard, as children do. It was a beautiful day with very few clouds in the sky. It’s difficult to remember, but there was a blacktop parking lot that led to a play yard. The sprawling grounds of ragged weed infested grass, old tires half buried created a fun little obstacle course. Up a hill to the left stood a wooden playground with multiple layers and platforms. You know the kind. They have a high risk for leaving a child stuck with a irremovable splinter. The platforms created a bit of cover which was a perfect little hideout. This particular day, there seemed to be extra interest in the small hideaway as children gathered to see what was happening.

    Seeing a few other children head in that direction, I too became curious not wanting to be the only one not part of whatever the excitement was all about. Looking into the the wooden covered bunker, a few girls were lying on their stomachs with their pants down leaving their naked butts out for all to see. They were giggling as a couple boys crawled down the line of girls, giving them a kiss on their “cheeks”.

    Now, I don’t quite recall how I got involved, but I had a sudden urge to join them. Not as one of the boys though. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls. So I went to the far end to the left and laid face down ass up, like the rest of the girls. The boys played along without question, without ridicule.

    Sometime during that same year, I slept over one of the boy’s houses. They lived in a double wide. His parents had set up and indoor tent for us, or perhaps it was an outdoor one, simply placed indoors. It’s never easy to visualize each moment from the eighties, but I do know, in that tent he and I played the same game we had on the playground at preschool.. Again, I pretended to be the pretty girl.

    There were multiple times early in life I found myself having this urge to be more feminine. Not in a cross dressing drag queen way or anything. There was one time I tried on a dress my mother had on the drying line in the basement by the washer and dryer, but the thought to dress pretty never really occurred to me back then. Though I did sometimes envy girls clothing. They get all the cute accessories. Occasionally I’d wrap my blanket around me and pretend to be a girl. There were times I can recall wishing I would wake up as a girl, thinking my life would be much easier that way.

    Perhaps it was seeing the power of women through my mother. She raised us on her own basically for about seven years of our lives. She’d stop at nothing to provide for us. They say men are the tougher gender, but the women around me were tough as nails and amazing providers. My mom has 4 sisters and 5 brothers. They grew up very poor. All of the women in this family are bad ass bitches who are also extremely motherly and caring. I understood the power of being a strong women more than most boys. At least I felt I did.

    My point in bringing all this up is to give an understanding as to how long I hid this within me. The spectrum I discovered within myself has led to some of the most mind blowing orgasms ever. They have allowed me to be the assertive dominant male towards Lily and most woman and switch to the coy and timid submissive I enjoy being toward the right guy. I’ve even found a major attraction to many transwomen. I think mainly due to Tik Tok.

    Had Lily and I not become swingers, I may never had explored this part of me. Being poly now has opened my mind to even considering finding a boyfriend. This is something I once asked if I could do with Chris, my high school friend. Back then, it was not something Lily was as open to though she never mind me playing with him. So I am currently taking applications. Really I am open to dating anyone I feel a bond with.

    This decision was tough for Lily and I. She is afraid of the reaction from those we know in our local LS Community. Hopefully they will see we are the same couple. I am no different than the day before, you just know me a little better. Maybe understand me a bit more. It’s not wrong to share things and know about each other.

    In the interest of National Coming Out, I have decided to add to the Swing Open world by coming out with my podcast in 2022! The ‘Unapologetic Podcast’ will be about living life on our terms without fear of what anyone around us thinks. Living to cherish the things that serve your happiness and let go of all the negative behaviors that hold us down.

    If you have been following along there has been a bit of a theme this year leading up to me admitting to everyone, including myself about being Pansexual. This is something I believe has always been a part of me. Never until now did I feel safe to admit it. If you picked apart the references and innuendos then perhaps you already understood where we were going with all this. There are some who already know this about me and those I’ve told, to this point have been so amazing and supportive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who are reading this and continue to support my writing. You are truly appreciated.

    We will get back to more swingers things going forward, I have a post coming soon that will discuss some of the exploration Lily and I have done with cuckold play. Also the long awaited review from our kinky adventures at National Swingers Weekend 2021! We can’t wait to bring you the podcast! Thank you for reading!

  • Consent is Everything

    Consent is Everything

    Consent is everything in any potential sexual situation. Without proper consent people can feel violated, and the possibility of a great time can go south very quickly. There is a certain level of etiquette that goes along with the LS also. It is important to be very clear about what your intentions are.

    Recently we heard of a situation where a female who was naked at a party climbed on the lap of another’s husband and attempted to kiss him. Apparently this was an unwanted advance and it caused a bit of turmoil. His wife was upset and we feel it’s rightly so.

    You have to be sure you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship. LS rules are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. We were not there so the details we’ve heard were all one sided, but in this example if the naked woman spoke with the couple before deciding to mount the husband she may have found the interest level was not a match. Which would have saved her the embarrassment of being called out. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances. This particular couple is new in the LS community. A situation like this really gives an awful preview of how things happen within the LS. It might even scare people away.

    Unfortunately this is a bit common. Women don’t seem to follow the same rules of consent as men do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are men out there doing the same things and are overly aggressive. In fact, at a recent party we ran into a bit of aggression.

    Lily was dancing with a man who she found attractive, but things took an ugly turn because he didn’t check her level of interest and became a bit too rough.

    Lily doesn’t mind some rough play; however, he crossed the line. As they danced he was asking her rules, which was good, but then he went in for a kiss. At first it was fine until he decided to bite her lip. She didn’t like that at all. It wasn’t like a pleasant nibble. It was like he was trying to take a chomp out of a steak! She pulled away quickly and wanted off the dance floor. I had no idea this was happening until she pulled me away to tell me. For a week she had a bruised lip which upset her even more due to the fact that she had to make something up to tell family and co-workers. Not cool!

    In this situation, had he asked if she was into that she would have said no and maybe he would have gotten further with her, but his aggression completely turned her off. It didn’t matter if he was her type or not. That was it for him!

    Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask ask ask. You will find everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that’s ok! Not everyone will be into you and you won’t be into everyone either.

    There are many levels to different couple’s rules and boundaries. Even something as simple as trying to message or friend request someone’s SO can cause upset. If we get into a conversation with someone we will always make it a group conversation. This makes it very clear that we are not trying to pull anyone aside or be sneaky in any way. We see it all the time where someone will make a comment that a person contacted their SO and made advances without their knowledge. This only causes distrust. It breaks trust with you and between the couple. You don’t know their dynamic. They could be in a Dom/Sub relationship for example. In this case the sub would need permission to even talk to someone else.

    You must respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You don’t know unless you ask! Many people find it sexy, polite, and they welcome it. However awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the outcome of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward!

    Thank you once again for joining us! Tell us your thoughts on consent. We have some exciting posts we’re working on. We will cover our recent break from the LS, as well as the exciting party we attended prior to it. Hoping to finish all that up soon. If you enjoy this content please like, follow, and share! If you ever have any comments or questions please reach out to us! We don’t bite. Unless you’re cool with that!