Swing Open Authentic

Category: Polyamory

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth” ~ Oscar Wilde

    It’s that time of year again! Horrors and whores to be found at every event and gathering! Hopefully, you have somewhere to be.

    It has been a few years since I’ve made it to a good Halloween event. Whether it’s a simple private costume party at a bar or a full-on hotel takeover that ends in a massive orgy, I always love the Halloween events! Mostly because I get to wear a costume.

    Maybe it’s the theater degree in me still craving a bit of play, but just as I was excited to put on my simple, Amazon purchased toga costume a few weeks ago, I can’t wait to get a costume for the late October party.

    This year I should be getting to two parties. One I will not be there in time to worry about anyone having costumes on, or anything at all.

    🏨 The Sexy Halloween Hotel Party

    The first scary, sexy event will be the Halloween Hotel Party! With four floors of reserved rooms and a ballroom for the party itself, it’s sounding like a wild night.

    People are encouraged to wear their sexiest costumes but do need to keep it toned down mildly for the ballroom and any public areas. No pubic in the public! There are still several areas of the hotel open to outside guests, not to mention the hotel staff doesn’t need to see it all (though we see some of those staff members peeking!).

    The night is broken into two parts:

    • The Meet & Mingle: Earlier in the evening when everyone checks in, there will be a gathering in the ballroom. Everyone shows up in their costumes and sexy apparel. Costumes are not strictly required at these events, but why wouldn’t you?! Well, for those actually attending the costume party, that is.
    • The Hall Party: My girlfriend and her husband will be there, and they’ve got a room. For myself and possibly my wife, we will only make it in time for the hall party. The hall party is typically just as it sounds: the hallway is filled with kinky guests dressed in their naughtiest attire, lace lingerie, sexy rompers, and other sensual accessories.

    There will likely be drinks flowing. Many will leave their room doors open with music playing or custom lights they’ve brought to the party. When you enter the party floor or any level this group is staying on, don’t be surprised to hear moans of pleasure, laughter, and even a few people who probably drank a little too much.

    I’ve not been to a takeover with this particular group yet, though we are familiar with many of them. Honestly, most of them, really. There’s always an abundance of alcohol, and something always ends up having a bit of a negative impact on the community. Unfortunately, this brings the threat of losing privileges within the community; it can’t be easy to obtain hotels willing to allow our events in the first place. We all need to remember to respect the space, or it goes away.

    Ok, off my soap box!

    Honestly, I am excited to go. Due to some family obligations, we aren’t sure if my wife and I will go together just yet, or if I will be meeting my girlfriend and her husband solo. He and I get along great! I know it will be a fun night!

    🎃 Annual Halloween Costume Party

    This event will likely be much more tame when compared to the hotel takeover the week before. It’s your typical meet-and-greet party.

    Attendees are encouraged to wear costumes. Since it is Halloween, these outfits often leave very little to the imagination. I am supposed to go with a friend I have been spending some time with recently. Someone I maybe had a bit of a crush on in the past has come into my life. I’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know her.

    The bar is only a short trip for me. It is the same place I went last year when they had their “Back to School” theme. That was a fun night since I wore my high school football jersey, and it shockingly still fit after nearly 30 years!

    As always, there will be music, good conversation, cocktails, cock, and tail! It should be a fun night. There are likely to be afterparties or shared hotel rooms afterward. I typically stick with the people I arrived with unless plans shift for some reason.

    Both parties should be a great time.

    Make sure to subscribe now so you can hear exactly how it all went down!

    If you have questions about this or any content, please reach out!

  • Togather Again: Why Theme Nights are the Best LS Icebreakers

    Togather Again: Why Theme Nights are the Best LS Icebreakers

    “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

    You are given the opportunity to dress up as bold as you’d like, and for this event, it was a toga party. Fun, extravagant costumes, creative drapes, and wild wigs. it is always an absolute blast!

    A good theme allows you to open up right from the beginning. When everyone is being wild and silly in their togas all at the same time, it completely takes the pressure off. You immediately have something to talk about, whether you are complimenting someone’s hair, how they wrapped their sheet, or their fun accessories. There is always so much to take in, and I certainly took my share!

    Toga! Toga!

    We love a good theme night. It always reminds me of some of the other fun ones we’ve been to, like cowboy nights, or the massive Halloween parties that are coming up right around the corner. I really hope we can make it out to one of the big Halloween bashes this year!

    Navigating New Dynamics and Metamours

    Though I went solo to this particular event, my girlfriend met me there with her husband. He is also a good friend of mine. In the poly world, we are each other’s metamour or “meta” for short.

    A meta is the partner of one of your partners; someone you may not be romantically involved with yourself, but with whom you share a mutual connection. Some people prefer to get to know their metas very well, while others prefer to steer completely clear of them. Personally, we get along great.

    This relationship is still somewhat new. Although her and I have been seeing each other for nearly two years now, we only made things official a few weeks ago. We were lying in bed together following a wild display of exhibitionism we performed for onlookers at a loft party… but I digress.

    To top off an already amazing night, my girlfriend actually won the prize for best women’s costume! She looked absolutely incredible in her toga, and seeing her get recognized by the crowd was a massive highlight. She even treated me to a little celebratory twerking right there, which was incredibly hot Tiktok did not like me posting the footage but you can find it on X!

    Best women’s costume winner!

    Shifting Perspectives on Meet n Greets

    This event was a meet n greet. In the past, I was never a big fan of them. If you recall way back in 2018, I covered the topic in our post We Suck at Meet n Greets.

    When wifey and I first got involved in the lifestyle, we didn’t have much interest in making deep, emotional bonds. We were strictly focused on exploring our sexual fantasies and fulfilling them together. Back then, if there was nowhere to play at the venue, it was usually a hard “no” from us.

    But things were completely different this time around. Since those early days, I’ve gotten to know a ton of people in this community, so walking into the room felt less like navigating an awkward bar and more like catching up with old friends. It was awesome to see all the different relationship dynamics sharing space under one roof, with everyone from traditional swingers to full-on polyamorous folks mingling together.

    The turnout wasn’t quite as packed as it sometimes gets, but that actually left plenty of room for things to get wonderfully chaotic. They hosted some party games to break the ice, including musical chairs and a wild scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt escalated quickly to the point where two guys ended up completely naked after their underwear was surrendered as part of the game!

    We Are the Community

    My girlfriend reminded me a while ago of something that really stuck with me: if we don’t actively show up to these types of events, they eventually go away. We can’t just wait around for the perfect play party; we are the community, and we have to support it to keep it alive.

    The warmth of that community vibe really hit home at the end of the night when I was saying goodbye to everyone. As I went around hugging and waving, I ran into an old friend. I gave her a hug and a quick peck, to which she playfully smirked and said, “We have licked each other’s privates, I should get more than a peck!”

    We ended up having a hot, unexpected makeout session right there. Afterward, I simply let her know my golden rule: just because I had prior consent in the past doesn’t mean I automatically assume future consent.

    She looked at me and replied, “You have permanent consent.”

    That interaction really made me stop and reflect on the drive home. Hearing that made me realize that she is actually the third woman this year alone who has offered me a standing “free use” green light. It’s an incredible compliment, a huge ego boost, and a testament to the trust you can build with amazing people in this lifestyle when you respect boundaries.

    My mindset has completely shifted since opening up to polyamory and pursuing more in-depth connections. Now, I would much rather find myself in a room full of open-minded, authentic people at a local dive bar than share a single fake smile with a vanilla crowd.

    What Do You Think?

    Now I want to hear from you guys! Do you love a good theme party, or do they feel like too much pressure? What are your favorite themes you’ve been to, or what’s the wildest experience you’ve had at an icebreaker event? Drop a comment below and share your stories!

    Me with the winner! I’m the winner here! 🥰

  • It’s About Time!

    It’s About Time!

    “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
    — Virginia Woolf

    Well here the fuck we are!

    Once hibernated, now fully migrated from WordPress to my very own site. Thank you so much for joining me here! Now that everything is set up, I fully intend to grow this little blog into a space that informs, entertains, and encourages.

    This is a place for the misfits, the curious, the kinky, and anyone with an open mind.

    What This Blog Is All About

    Here, you will read about the highlights, lessons, and raw moments of my authentic life. My writing centers around my marriage and Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), which, for anyone new here, just means a relationship style where partners agree to have romantic or sexual relationships with other people.

    We absolutely do not judge here. I welcome your questions and genuinely want to hear your opinions.

    If you are a returning reader, thank you for sticking with me. The long break in my writing was brought on by a lot of things honestly, things I should have just written about at the time. I fully intend to do that now.

    The Real Side of the Lifestyle

    This lifestyle is a difficult path. It is not all parties and joy every second. Many of us deal with:

    • Deep self-doubt
    • Body image issues
    • Abandonment triggers
    • Jealousy and past traumas

    While a lack of technical knowledge held me back from blogging for a bit, trying to write while so many things were going wrong in my personal life proved to be the real challenge. It has been a couple of years of trying to find my way again. Letting go of attachments can be a painful process, and trusting my instincts is something I’ve had to learn the hard way.

    Breaking the Silence

    The original intent of this blog was to share my experiences and provide a space where people could look for inspiration in their own relationships. But lately, I felt fake. What right did I have to speak on a topic that was, at times, causing so much heartbreak and sadness in my own life?

    Then it hit me: The whole point is the truth.

    Honesty is the ultimate through-line in my world. If you can’t be honest with me, you can’t be in my life. People want honesty. We want to be able to depend on someone when they give their word. People also want the real story, not the sugarcoated bullshit.

    The lifestyle is not always sex and parties; you can truly make it whatever you want it to be. But the deeper you go, the more you risk.

    There was a lot I felt I could not write about before. I worried people might cut me off due to something they read. I have also felt forced to keep silent about the mental and physical abuse I’ve dealt with. I have been quiet for far too long.

    What’s Coming Next (Yes, There Will Be Parties!)

    This blog will cover far more than just the fun side of things, but don’t worry! There are still plenty of parties, meet-and-greets, and beautiful people to talk about. That will absolutely continue.

    • This Weekend: We are hitting a Toga meet-and-greet! I am sure there will be some wild tales to come from that evening.
    • Coming Soon: I am launching a special recurring series called “Meeting Nina.” It details a rollercoaster of a relationship that may have completely destroyed what was left of my CNS (Central Nervous System) but hey, we are alive!

    Thank you so much for reading and going on this journey with me.

    💬 Let’s Connect!

    I want this blog to be a two-way street. Drop a comment below and let me know: If you’re in the lifestyle, what is the biggest “non-sugarcoated” lesson you’ve had to learn the hard way? If you’re just curious, what’s something you’ve always wanted to ask? Let’s talk!

  • Navigating Love in Non-Monogamy: Lessons Learned

    “Change is not only likely, it’s inevitable.” ― R. Holdstock

    Sometimes the party comes to a grinding halt in the middle of a crowded intersection. Horns blaring. People yelling in frustration, and you just don’t know which way to turn.

    These last few years have been a whirlwind. Fantasies turned reality. Times of wild sexual discovery and cinematic passion. All shifting into a nightmare and back again.

    Some lessons were needed, while others were unnecessary. In the end, there is still love in our life and in our hearts. Even when many things fall apart, you can find a reason to smile. Keep on loving.

    For a long time, I couldn’t write. I’d pop in, write something small then disappear. Coming up with authentic posts felt forced. Offering my thoughts and opinions on a relationship dynamic that I couldn’t seem to get right myself, felt wrong. How can I offer anything, when I was failing at many of the things I was talking about?

    I am not a failure though. My marriage is stronger than before. We have been through some tough times. Nearly relationship ending. There were so many things we did right to protect our marriage.

    My partner and I have a bond that is very rare. Our nearly 30 years together has created a trust and love that has stood strong through so many tests.

    One of the first things we did when deciding to completely open our marriage was get a good therapist. One who understood the complexities of consensual non-monogamy.

    Our therapist was well versed in polyamory, kinks, and all sorts of relationship dynamics. In fact, they were polyamorous themselves. This made it so easy to talk through things and feel we were being heard, understood, and guided correctly.

    Another thing that helped us was beginning to truly encourage each other’s autonomy. Not just in relationships. Also, with hobbies and personal interests. Encouraging growth in each other to help us be better together.

    We became more self-aware and better at arguing constructively instead of destructively. Listening to understand before speaking out of anger or emotion.

    This takes work though. Work we both wanted to put in. We don’t always get it right, but we continue to try.

    There will be times when, as a couple, you will face challenges. These challenges will either end things or give you a reason to fight. If you’re both willing to work on yourselves, so you can be better together, then you’re on a good path.

    My partner has lost interest in the LS community, like so many we’ve seen lately. Not to say they won’t return at some point. They’ve had it with too many situations involving people who lack honesty, empathy and clear communication.

    People become the destroyers of their own communities. This past year has brought in-fighting and division, deceit and classlessness. Many relationships ended. Including some long-standing marriages, polycules, and couples. These are the types of breakups that shocked some of us. Of course, many times things are not what they seem. We all have our public persona.

    When break ups like some of these occur, it makes us wonder. Are the intentions of many entering non-monogamy simply to find a replacement? Or a last resort hoping to “fix” their relationship? It’s almost as if they are “quiet quitting” their relationship.

    On the other hand, some singles in the community seem to use it as their healing playground. They play until they are ready to find a mono relationship again. Then they leave behind a wake of confusion to those who took them seriously. While others are simply hoping to fuck someone’s wife though offer very little to the couple’s dynamic.

    We’ve had to learn to let go. We’ve learned when to give up on people who have shown time and time again how little they value us. Some people create their own toxicity and there’s no one that can help them, but themselves.

    When we got married, we had already been together almost 10 years. Now at nearly 30 years together. Why would we shatter it all for the unknown? Especially when we can share the unknown instead! Or at least still freely explore it.

    We haven’t been to many parties lately. We did attend a meet and greet for a newer group. They were a break-off from another group due to differences of opinion or some disagreement. I am not aware of the details so I can’t really speak on that.

    Their events have been close to home. That is great. The attendees are a plethora of hot 20-50s who seem to love to drink and party. So much so, that following one recent event, there were allegedly some pills found on the floor of the establishment.

    The venue was frustrated that many only wanted waters. The bar shuts down to the public for these events. They hope to pull a strong profit from a captured audience. Unfortunately, certain drugs do not mix with alcohol and the attendees know this. It is good that people want to party safely. However, it is better to make sure the bar turns a profit. We want them to continue to allow these meets to happen. Definitely don’t leave evidence.

    The hosts and admins of the group handled things pretty quickly though. They have more meets happening. We will make our way back to one eventually.

    Though fun, in general, meet n greets are not our thing. When we went, we saw people we knew. Including some people we’d rather not see. The community can be extremely small. There were also many people we had never seen before. There’s definitely been an influx of new faces.

    We had a few beverages. Some laughs. Smoked some buds. All in all, a fun night out.

    Nothing that brought my partner the urge to get back out there. They’re content reading books and spending time with family and our dogs.

    Their outlook and overall feelings of being consensually non-monogamous has not changed. We will continue to encourage each other’s autonomy however that looks for us.

    There are people waiting when ready. They get messages from past play partners, trying to get them to come out. They’ve stood pretty firm on their boundaries! Which is awesome. Exercising that right to say, “Nah I’m good”

    It is always OK to say, “No”

    I’ve met a few people here and there myself. Extremely kind and caring individuals who, as of now don’t seem to have hidden agendas. My guard is up though. I am still going out from time to time open to whatever comes my way. That said I am not actively seeking another relationship. At least not at the moment.

    In the meantime, I have found my way back here. Now, with much more experience in navigating consensual non-monogamy. I feel confident I can authentically share my perspective and hopefully help someone along the way.

    Make sure to subscribe to follow the journey.

    If you have any questions or topics you would like to cover, please reach out.

    If you’re interested in being in a non-monogamous relationship, ask yourself:

    1. What does it bring to you that will enhance what you already have?
    2. What do we hope to gain both individually and as a couple?
    3. What fears do you have about non-monogamy?

    Till next time! Thanks for reading!

  • It’s Not Always Sexy

    From the time we met until now, Lily and I have been through hell and back together several times. Being able to withstand so many trials and tribulations, and still come out together, stronger each time is a true testament to the power of our love.

    Saturday morning, I learned my stepfather does not have much longer on this planet. Though he is my stepfather, he has been in my life since I was nine. My biological father was and still is always there for us, but I grew up 1400 miles away from him. My stepfather was there daily.

    We’ve known all year this was coming. He was diagnosed with pre-leukemia nearly a year ago, but now it’s gone full force. The doctors can’t keep his platelets up and the treatments are an extreme stress on his body. Unfortunately, due to unrelated issues with his respiratory system failing, bone marrow transplants or chemo are not options. His body would not withstand either.

    So I got the call that they will be suspending treatments and potentially going to hospice. He has been given 30 days. He called myself and my other three brothers individually so he could tell us himself.

    His 70th is in February. This whole thing is hard to wrap my head around. When I was young, we had our share of battles. He never hit me, or any of us, but he had a tendency to be overbearing.  The school of tough love. Our mother handled the affection in the household while he coldly ran the home with an iron fist.

    He smoked cigarettes, fished, watched football and kept his lawn on point. Your stereotypical gun loving, no bullshit, hard nosed conservative. He’d pace in the garage, all 325 lbs of him, fidgeting with random items he needed to fix or polishing his John Deere mower. At 6’2″ He is a man you don’t miss. Loud mouthed, often to the point of obnoxious.  He’d strike up a conversation with just about anyone.

    Writing this, I am not sure of the point. It doesn’t really fit into swinging or the lifestyle, but I’ve been in an internal struggle, this year especially to free myself and Lily of all social constructs. To be open and free to be who we are. Or at least who I am.

    I feel like once he goes, there is less holding me back. I never felt I lived up to his standard of “manliness”. I am a dreamer, a lover. I was a small framed, emotionally charged punk rock kid who bucked the system at every turn. To me, as a teen, he was the system. He was the figurehead of everything I hated about society.  The jocks and tough kids who made us feel like outcasts. Made us fear being anything other than cookie cutter “normal”, simply to fit in and go with the flow.

    Of course, there are still my brothers. They have tendency to latch on to anything that is different and not let you forget it. Recently, in a stupid error of cut and paste, I inadvertently sent them a link to our Instagram. Some of you may recall this. We thought for sure I had outed us. My explanation was that it was a site of one of the suspected swingers in our neighborhood and the link had been saved in my clipboard because a friend sent it to me when they had stumbled upon it, proving these hedonistic summer pool dwellers were sharing and swapping. Then I quickly removed the link destination so it would come back unable to locate should they actually click on it. They didn’t really bring it up again, though I am not sure they believed me. The jury is still out on that one.

    That is our society who we feel judged by, and we create our visible reality based on what we feel safe for the majority of the world to see.

    As we head into 2022, we continue to face trials within our relationships and ourselves, but we work together to truly live our best life. This will not be a “New Year, new me” situation, but a realization that we have grown into something most will not understand. The biggest take away is in the grand scheme of things, “most” do not matter. They live their life how they choose. We should all do the same. Perhaps we are the ones who are getting it right. Perhaps their  “right”, is not the same as ours.

    Now that we have become polyamorous and not simply swingers, this fantasy world has become our day-to-day reality. It feels inauthentic hiding our true identity to those we love most, but the world they were brought up in and how they understood it simply does not mesh with our progressive ideas and values. Think about it though, we have relationships outside of our marriage that are very real, but we hide them for fear of other’s perceptions. What are we so afraid of? Lily and I still are very much in love and now we are able to share love with others. How does this make those dating us feel? They shouldn’t be hidden like we are ashamed to be with them.

    So, we wait. Knowing my stepdad is completely conscious and cognoscente of the fate that lies before him is difficult to imagine. Does he have regrets? Did he live his life the way he felt was true to him? These are questions only he can answer. We do love him and don’t fault him for anything. I did have a decent childhood and we now get along pretty well. He instilled in me a sense of pride in my work and a take-no-shit attitude. As of today, he will be admitted to hospice. Being that he was only making it about two weeks in between transfusions, we can only assume his end will be fairly soon.

    As with any end, there is new beginning. We shed our past to allow us the freedom to focus on the present and create a better future. The future here will be the Unapologetic Podcast coming in 2022. A platform that will bring to light the life we’ve chosen, our views to the forefront and give a voice to those who don’t buy into the relationship conservatism we were forced to value for so long.

    We know this is not the most sexy post, but it’s raw and real. Death is a reminder to live! Whatever you may be dealing with, whether relationship turmoil, self confidence, or just simply having a bad day, as long as you’re alive, you have the ability to change your story. It’s not too late until it is. If you’ve read this whole thing we truly appreciate it. Sometimes things need to be put out there so they can be let go to relieve the stress, sadness, and negativity.

    We hope you will continue to read our blog as well as get involved in the podcast when it’s released. The first interview has been lined up and we are so excited to get started! In this world of Swingtok, more and more people are realizing non-monagomy is not so abnormal. Everyone deserves to live without shame or guilt. Remember, it’s your life!

    Take care and have a Merry Christmas!