“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth” ~ Oscar Wilde
It’s that time of year again! Horrors and whores to be found at every event and gathering! Hopefully, you have somewhere to be.
It has been a few years since I’ve made it to a good Halloween event. Whether it’s a simple private costume party at a bar or a full-on hotel takeover that ends in a massive orgy, I always love the Halloween events! Mostly because I get to wear a costume.
Maybe it’s the theater degree in me still craving a bit of play, but just as I was excited to put on my simple, Amazon purchased toga costume a few weeks ago, I can’t wait to get a costume for the late October party.
This year I should be getting to two parties. One I will not be there in time to worry about anyone having costumes on, or anything at all.
🏨 The Sexy Halloween Hotel Party
The first scary, sexy event will be the Halloween Hotel Party! With four floors of reserved rooms and a ballroom for the party itself, it’s sounding like a wild night.
People are encouraged to wear their sexiest costumes but do need to keep it toned down mildly for the ballroom and any public areas. No pubic in the public! There are still several areas of the hotel open to outside guests, not to mention the hotel staff doesn’t need to see it all (though we see some of those staff members peeking!).
The night is broken into two parts:
The Meet & Mingle: Earlier in the evening when everyone checks in, there will be a gathering in the ballroom. Everyone shows up in their costumes and sexy apparel. Costumes are not strictly required at these events, but why wouldn’t you?! Well, for those actually attending the costume party, that is.
The Hall Party: My girlfriend and her husband will be there, and they’ve got a room. For myself and possibly my wife, we will only make it in time for the hall party. The hall party is typically just as it sounds: the hallway is filled with kinky guests dressed in their naughtiest attire, lace lingerie, sexy rompers, and other sensual accessories.
There will likely be drinks flowing. Many will leave their room doors open with music playing or custom lights they’ve brought to the party. When you enter the party floor or any level this group is staying on, don’t be surprised to hear moans of pleasure, laughter, and even a few people who probably drank a little too much.
I’ve not been to a takeover with this particular group yet, though we are familiar with many of them. Honestly, most of them, really. There’s always an abundance of alcohol, and something always ends up having a bit of a negative impact on the community. Unfortunately, this brings the threat of losing privileges within the community; it can’t be easy to obtain hotels willing to allow our events in the first place. We all need to remember to respect the space, or it goes away.
Ok, off my soap box!
Honestly, I am excited to go. Due to some family obligations, we aren’t sure if my wife and I will go together just yet, or if I will be meeting my girlfriend and her husband solo. He and I get along great! I know it will be a fun night!
This event will likely be much more tame when compared to the hotel takeover the week before. It’s your typical meet-and-greet party.
Attendees are encouraged to wear costumes. Since it is Halloween, these outfits often leave very little to the imagination. I am supposed to go with a friend I have been spending some time with recently. Someone I maybe had a bit of a crush on in the past has come into my life. I’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know her.
The bar is only a short trip for me. It is the same place I went last year when they had their “Back to School” theme. That was a fun night since I wore my high school football jersey, and it shockingly still fit after nearly 30 years!
As always, there will be music, good conversation, cocktails, cock, and tail! It should be a fun night. There are likely to be afterparties or shared hotel rooms afterward. I typically stick with the people I arrived with unless plans shift for some reason.
Both parties should be a great time.
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“Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
You are given the opportunity to dress up as bold as you’d like, and for this event, it was a toga party. Fun, extravagant costumes, creative drapes, and wild wigs. it is always an absolute blast!
A good theme allows you to open up right from the beginning. When everyone is being wild and silly in their togas all at the same time, it completely takes the pressure off. You immediately have something to talk about, whether you are complimenting someone’s hair, how they wrapped their sheet, or their fun accessories. There is always so much to take in, and I certainly took my share!
Toga! Toga!
We love a good theme night. It always reminds me of some of the other fun ones we’ve been to, like cowboy nights, or the massive Halloween parties that are coming up right around the corner. I really hope we can make it out to one of the big Halloween bashes this year!
Navigating New Dynamics and Metamours
Though I went solo to this particular event, my girlfriend met me there with her husband. He is also a good friend of mine. In the poly world, we are each other’s metamour or “meta” for short.
A meta is the partner of one of your partners; someone you may not be romantically involved with yourself, but with whom you share a mutual connection. Some people prefer to get to know their metas very well, while others prefer to steer completely clear of them. Personally, we get along great.
This relationship is still somewhat new. Although her and I have been seeing each other for nearly two years now, we only made things official a few weeks ago. We were lying in bed together following a wild display of exhibitionism we performed for onlookers at a loft party… but I digress.
To top off an already amazing night, my girlfriend actually won the prize for best women’s costume! She looked absolutely incredible in her toga, and seeing her get recognized by the crowd was a massive highlight. She even treated me to a little celebratory twerking right there, which was incredibly hot Tiktok did not like me posting the footage but you can find it on X!
Best women’s costume winner!
Shifting Perspectives on Meet n Greets
This event was a meet n greet. In the past, I was never a big fan of them. If you recall way back in 2018, I covered the topic in our post We Suck at Meet n Greets.
When wifey and I first got involved in the lifestyle, we didn’t have much interest in making deep, emotional bonds. We were strictly focused on exploring our sexual fantasies and fulfilling them together. Back then, if there was nowhere to play at the venue, it was usually a hard “no” from us.
But things were completely different this time around. Since those early days, I’ve gotten to know a ton of people in this community, so walking into the room felt less like navigating an awkward bar and more like catching up with old friends. It was awesome to see all the different relationship dynamics sharing space under one roof, with everyone from traditional swingers to full-on polyamorous folks mingling together.
The turnout wasn’t quite as packed as it sometimes gets, but that actually left plenty of room for things to get wonderfully chaotic. They hosted some party games to break the ice, including musical chairs and a wild scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt escalated quickly to the point where two guys ended up completely naked after their underwear was surrendered as part of the game!
We Are the Community
My girlfriend reminded me a while ago of something that really stuck with me: if we don’t actively show up to these types of events, they eventually go away. We can’t just wait around for the perfect play party; we are the community, and we have to support it to keep it alive.
The warmth of that community vibe really hit home at the end of the night when I was saying goodbye to everyone. As I went around hugging and waving, I ran into an old friend. I gave her a hug and a quick peck, to which she playfully smirked and said, “We have licked each other’s privates, I should get more than a peck!”
We ended up having a hot, unexpected makeout session right there. Afterward, I simply let her know my golden rule: just because I had prior consent in the past doesn’t mean I automatically assume future consent.
She looked at me and replied, “You have permanent consent.”
That interaction really made me stop and reflect on the drive home. Hearing that made me realize that she is actually the third woman this year alone who has offered me a standing “free use” green light. It’s an incredible compliment, a huge ego boost, and a testament to the trust you can build with amazing people in this lifestyle when you respect boundaries.
My mindset has completely shifted since opening up to polyamory and pursuing more in-depth connections. Now, I would much rather find myself in a room full of open-minded, authentic people at a local dive bar than share a single fake smile with a vanilla crowd.
What Do You Think?
Now I want to hear from you guys! Do you love a good theme party, or do they feel like too much pressure? What are your favorite themes you’ve been to, or what’s the wildest experience you’ve had at an icebreaker event? Drop a comment below and share your stories!
“Change is not only likely, it’s inevitable.” ― R. Holdstock
Sometimes the party comes to a grinding halt in the middle of a crowded intersection. Horns blaring. People yelling in frustration, and you just don’t know which way to turn.
These last few years have been a whirlwind. Fantasies turned reality. Times of wild sexual discovery and cinematic passion. All shifting into a nightmare and back again.
Some lessons were needed, while others were unnecessary. In the end, there is still love in our life and in our hearts. Even when many things fall apart, you can find a reason to smile. Keep on loving.
For a long time, I couldn’t write. I’d pop in, write something small then disappear. Coming up with authentic posts felt forced. Offering my thoughts and opinions on a relationship dynamic that I couldn’t seem to get right myself, felt wrong. How can I offer anything, when I was failing at many of the things I was talking about?
I am not a failure though. My marriage is stronger than before. We have been through some tough times. Nearly relationship ending. There were so many things we did right to protect our marriage.
My partner and I have a bond that is very rare. Our nearly 30 years together has created a trust and love that has stood strong through so many tests.
One of the first things we did when deciding to completely open our marriage was get a good therapist. One who understood the complexities of consensual non-monogamy.
Our therapist was well versed in polyamory, kinks, and all sorts of relationship dynamics. In fact, they were polyamorous themselves. This made it so easy to talk through things and feel we were being heard, understood, and guided correctly.
Another thing that helped us was beginning to truly encourage each other’s autonomy. Not just in relationships. Also, with hobbies and personal interests. Encouraging growth in each other to help us be better together.
We became more self-aware and better at arguing constructively instead of destructively. Listening to understand before speaking out of anger or emotion.
This takes work though. Work we both wanted to put in. We don’t always get it right, but we continue to try.
There will be times when, as a couple, you will face challenges. These challenges will either end things or give you a reason to fight. If you’re both willing to work on yourselves, so you can be better together, then you’re on a good path.
My partner has lost interest in the LS community, like so many we’ve seen lately. Not to say they won’t return at some point. They’ve had it with too many situations involving people who lack honesty, empathy and clear communication.
People become the destroyers of their own communities. This past year has brought in-fighting and division, deceit and classlessness. Many relationships ended. Including some long-standing marriages, polycules, and couples. These are the types of breakups that shocked some of us. Of course, many times things are not what they seem. We all have our public persona.
When break ups like some of these occur, it makes us wonder. Are the intentions of many entering non-monogamy simply to find a replacement? Or a last resort hoping to “fix” their relationship? It’s almost as if they are “quiet quitting” their relationship.
On the other hand, some singles in the community seem to use it as their healing playground. They play until they are ready to find a mono relationship again. Then they leave behind a wake of confusion to those who took them seriously. While others are simply hoping to fuck someone’s wife though offer very little to the couple’s dynamic.
We’ve had to learn to let go. We’ve learned when to give up on people who have shown time and time again how little they value us. Some people create their own toxicity and there’s no one that can help them, but themselves.
When we got married, we had already been together almost 10 years. Now at nearly 30 years together. Why would we shatter it all for the unknown? Especially when we can share the unknown instead! Or at least still freely explore it.
We haven’t been to many parties lately. We did attend a meet and greet for a newer group. They were a break-off from another group due to differences of opinion or some disagreement. I am not aware of the details so I can’t really speak on that.
Their events have been close to home. That is great. The attendees are a plethora of hot 20-50s who seem to love to drink and party. So much so, that following one recent event, there were allegedly some pills found on the floor of the establishment.
The venue was frustrated that many only wanted waters. The bar shuts down to the public for these events. They hope to pull a strong profit from a captured audience. Unfortunately, certain drugs do not mix with alcohol and the attendees know this. It is good that people want to party safely. However, it is better to make sure the bar turns a profit. We want them to continue to allow these meets to happen. Definitely don’t leave evidence.
The hosts and admins of the group handled things pretty quickly though. They have more meets happening. We will make our way back to one eventually.
Though fun, in general, meet n greets are not our thing. When we went, we saw people we knew. Including some people we’d rather not see. The community can be extremely small. There were also many people we had never seen before. There’s definitely been an influx of new faces.
We had a few beverages. Some laughs. Smoked some buds. All in all, a fun night out.
Nothing that brought my partner the urge to get back out there. They’re content reading books and spending time with family and our dogs.
Their outlook and overall feelings of being consensually non-monogamous has not changed. We will continue to encourage each other’s autonomy however that looks for us.
There are people waiting when ready. They get messages from past play partners, trying to get them to come out. They’ve stood pretty firm on their boundaries! Which is awesome. Exercising that right to say, “Nah I’m good”
It is always OK to say, “No”
I’ve met a few people here and there myself. Extremely kind and caring individuals who, as of now don’t seem to have hidden agendas. My guard is up though. I am still going out from time to time open to whatever comes my way. That said I am not actively seeking another relationship. At least not at the moment.
In the meantime, I have found my way back here. Now, with much more experience in navigating consensual non-monogamy. I feel confident I can authentically share my perspective and hopefully help someone along the way.
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If you have any questions or topics you would like to cover, please reach out.
If you’re interested in being in a non-monogamous relationship, ask yourself:
What does it bring to you that will enhance what you already have?
What do we hope to gain both individually and as a couple?
Word on the street is that a local news station is digging for information. They want the story on alleged sex parties and swinger events in the St. Louis area!
Do you think we should worry?
A couple who runs a private group reported on receiving the letter below. It has shown up in other various groups and forums as well. Apparently, it was stuck to the door of a handful of known and suspected lifestyle venues.
After attending events, your private sexcapades bust wide open. People find out that you are non-monogamous. What would that do to you?
Living authentically means not allowing the opinions of others keep you from living a lifestyle they don’t understand. As long as it feels right for you. If you are not harming yourself or others, it is none of anyone’s business. After all, we have the right to pursue happiness in this country, for the most part!
Of course, there will be fall out and potential ramifications if suddenly a large number of people were outed. Job loss is possible. Friends pull away. Family can think differently or even cut you off. Couples with children can face issues with bullying, if neighbors or school families learn of the news. These are all real possibilities.
So, we all panic and shut down. Parties are canceled, venues and online groups tighten up their rules and privacy. Everyone goes into hiding.
Do we ever feel it’s time to stop hiding and change the stigma? Why should we be ashamed of ourselves for this life we have created? Why are we hiding in the first place? What is so shameful about how we live? So, we enjoy sex! Here’s some news: Most people do!
We always shy away from the truth. Being sneaky and discreet is part of what makes the rest of society look down their noses at us. They will hate us whether we are in the shadows or in the open. It’s just how it is. So, why not be proudly us? I am not saying have sex in public and flaunt it. Just to find ways to bring awareness and educate others on the positive experiences.
The story above did in fact air about a week ago. It seems they’re mainly targeting private “sex” parties. Private home gatherings to offer a safe area for play.
In the news report, they interviewed a man. He had legitimate concerns about trouble with parking on his street due to the parties. It can be so frustrating living somewhere with street parking only. It’s difficult enough to find a spot near your home.
If the issue is parking, then these parties need a new venue. It is understandable that people want to park near their home. No one wants to come home late from work. Only to deal with a bunch of random cars up and down the street. Then a long walk after finding parking. Completely understand the argument there. These party hosts should rethink their venue and be more courteous of the neighborhoods they are throwing the parties in.
Yet, he also said, “someone could get shot.” Granted, this city is known for its high rates of violence and illegal gun use. This does not seem to be a common issue for any of the parties in these communities. While statistics on these events are scarce. We have attended quite a few now and have seen very few altercations. People simply want to enjoy themselves as adults in the way that fits best. In all the parties we’ve attended, even seeing an argument to breakout is pretty rare. People want these events to continue so they respect the rules of the venues and groups. Sure, there is always going to be a random who will cause an issue. Getting cut off from the community and banned from any party is a real possibility and no one wants that.
The news story talked about the heightened risk of sexual assaults. It also, discussed the raised exposure to STI’s due to the increased number of individuals gathering for promiscuous encounters.
Does sex happen at private home events? Absolutely! Many of the events have security readily available if needed. The statistics are scarce. I’d put money on it that there are fewer sexual assaults at a swinger party than a college frat party.
This shouldn’t be a fear at any event. Anyone who has been in the LS community long enough knows the importance of consent! Many of us take great pride in making sure all that we do is consensual. Even down to a simple kiss or hug.
It is true that the risk of STI’s maybe increased with so many in one area. A common misconception is that these parties are filled with everyone fucking everyone. That is just a false assumption from people who have no idea what actually occurs behind closed doors. We’ve been to parties that we’ve just talked and ate snacks. Just because you attend does not mean you are having sex!
Many of us take precautions and are responsible enough to be tested regularly. Some will have quarterly testing, while others even get tested after any new sexual partner. Some events offer free testing. Most events we have been to there is an assortment of free condoms readily available.
It is our responsibility as adults to protect ourselves. Some of the general public tends to have a belief that the government knows best. They should be our supreme protectors. Not everyone buys into that mentality.
The reporter made it sound as if party-goer’s pay and the host include sex. Like these parties are operating in a “gray area,” as they put it, that could be a “prostitution loophole”.
We’ve had plenty of amazing experiences with wonderfully slutty individuals, but not a single one was paid for. I don’t know what goes on at every party. but I have attended enough to know, paying for sex is completely unnecessary at these events.
What are your thoughts on the news poking around? If you’ve been to events like these, have you encountered violence? Let us know in the comments or in the socials!
It sounds like if we simply handle the parking issues, things will ease up a little. By now everyone other than those in the neighborhood reported on, have moved on from the story. We will keep an ear out and an eye to the ground if anymore comes of it.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Next up we will be discussing some of the recent parties, and meet n greets in the area.
Please be sure to follow if you enjoy the content. There will be much more to come as the temperature heats up and summer events kick into gear! Don’t miss the fun!
When you have a platform for your voice, it is important to use it at times when most would simply stay silent. This blog is an excellent platform to bring awareness to issues in the LS community. Everyone is typically focused on when the next big party is, or where they can capture their unicorn. Unfortunately, with many of these Facebook groups, there are admins who feel they know better than you how things should be. They want to “protect” you. Well, mostly just their friends. We understand it is, “their” group. However, much like this blog, when it’s open to so many, it becomes a platform for like-minded individuals. For all to feel heard, and equally protected, the rules must be equally applied.
We may share this world of non-monogamy, but for many, that’s where it ends. The deep-seeded beliefs and prejudiced behaviors that plague our world can leak into our “accepting” community. Often right in your face from people you thought saw the world at least a little more as you. Whether it’s slut-shaming women for not behaving the way you would, excluding bi-men, or publicly shaming individuals for petty grievances, it leaves a bad taste, and a trail of individuals left fighting to preserve their character. We as a community are better than this. Admins are not dictators.
Today’s Guest post comes from an individual who has grown tired of controlling, and hate filled unfair actions all too often displayed by a few. Hopefully, we can all learn something from her, have these conversations, and find ways to be more inclusive and empathetic to everyone around us.
Dog Whistles
Guest post by Vikki
Words have power.
Words levied by those who have power, against those who don’t, have a special kind of power.
And when those disempowered people are already fighting centuries of stereotypes, systemic oppression, and white fear (as is the case with the black community), words can actually be dangerous, even deadly.
We easily recognize some of these words: thug, gangster, hood, ghetto, pimp, and the ubiquitous N-word. Most white people who aren’t out-and-proud racists strive to conscientiously avoid these words. We know they are offensive, hateful, and dangerous. These are words that we hope will die out entirely from the vernacular of white people with our grandparents and parents.
Unfortunately, such words becoming verboten is outpacing the actual erasure of bias, both explicit and implicit. And where bias exists, language adapts.
New words are replacing these old terms, and this new language is insidious. Those perpetuating these new words are often unaware or in denial of their own biases and cannot see the harm of their word choices.
These are dog whistle words, and they are uniquely powerful.
I am a white woman who adores words. I wield words like a sculptor wields clay, writing both poetry and prose, and I take pride in my gift. I choose my words carefully – I say what I mean, usually eloquently. I say this to illustrate how very hard it is for me to accept that my words don’t always mean only what I intend them to mean. I have been humbled time and again over the years by my two black male partners. They have spent an enormous amount of emotional labor teaching me about seemingly innocuous words that become offensive and dangerous under certain circumstances. I know I am not racist, and they know it as well, but being “not racist” is not enough. Well-intended allies can and do inadvertently harm those they wish to support, either directly or by their ignorant silence. It is incumbent upon us to listen when those who are aggrieved by our actions speak: listen actively, without pride or defensiveness, with a mindful willingness to do better. Fortunately, my desire to do better is ultimately stronger than my desire to be right, and I have been able to learn so much from the men I love.
After downing more than a few servings of humble pie, I understand, and want to share with the white community, that dog whistle words are everywhere. These are words that surreptitiously play to both conscious and subconscious tropes, biases, and fears about black people that remain deeply entrenched in white society – so deep that we often have no idea they persist. Discovering them is a humiliating process for anyone who considers themselves to be an ally, but it is an essential step in the constant quest for improvement.
Take, for example, words like “aggressive,” “hostile,” or “pushy.” These words capitalize on the “Angry Black Man” stereotype, which has triggered fear in white people for centuries. An angry black man is seen as a dangerous thing – far more dangerous than an angry white man. The society we live in today in the US was built, and continues to be shored up, with the goal of keeping him contained. He could be dealt with swiftly and harshly, or shunned altogether, but he must be disempowered. While my above example adjectives aren’t positive for anyone, for a black man attempting to overcome decades upon decades of oppression driven by white fear, such words can become a permanent scarlet letter.
Or consider “arrogant,” which is the new “uppity:” both words which allude to the idea of a black person not “knowing their place” in white-dominant society. An intelligent, confident, vocal black man is just as scary as an angry one.
Consider, too, the nonverbal expectations that whites place on blacks. To be accepted in predominantly white spaces, a black person will fare much better if they are quiet, conservative in appearance, and smile a lot. This “code switching” behavior is modeled for, and taught to, all black people in the US, from birth, and so it is seen as “normal,” yet it is not the norm in black-dominant societies.
All of this sounds a lot like leftover expectations from the not-so-good old days, doesn’t it?
Dog whistles and their ilk are damaging enough in mainstream society. But consider their impact in smaller communities, like the LS – a predominantly white space. The black community is disproportionately underrepresented in the LS, and its members are frequently fetishized by white women and couples. Black men, in particular, are commonly reduced to bucket list items or objects of pleasure, and are often seen through the lens of what they can offer, not who they are. Couples advertise that they are looking for “a BBC,” not “a black man with a big cock.”
Black bluefish are working against multiple negative perceptions: those that accompany being a black man, as already discussed, and those that go with being a bluefish, regardless of race. Insecurity is rampant in the LS, and bluefish are already handled with extreme caution, generally perceived at least as a slight threat to couples, most often by the man in a couple. A different dick is always risky; it could steal away a wife, ruin a marriage, or provide more pleasure to her than her partner’s. That’s some scary stuff. Now give that bluefish dark skin, confidence, and a big cock, and he just became exponentially more scary. He may very well now be viewed as a necessary threat to be managed, not a whole human with whom to collaborate or celebrate.
Finally, combine this white male fear with generations of ingrained (often unconscious) dehumanization, and sprinkle in some of the dog whistles mentioned. When you are already seen as subhuman, or a pleasure tool, and you become labeled as dangerous, people will be reluctant to look deeper into your humanity. It is far easier, and requires far less uncomfortable introspection, to replace a problematic BBC with another, more docile, less threatening BBC.
I was recently banned from a LS group because one of my partners (a black man) questioned why another black man was being publicly named and shamed for violating a group rule about messaging/friend requesting without public consent. Yes, I know there are very strong opinions for and against, and it’s a dead horse that has been beaten beyond recognition, but that actually isn’t the issue. The Name and Shame post was a screenshot of this man’s personal profile, an explanation of the rule violated, and the phrase admonishing, verbatim, “Don’t be an (insert his name here).” Tacky? For sure. Juvenile? I thought so. But where I really took issue: dangerous.
My partner made several comments on the post. He was not questioning the consequences being levied (being banned from the group); rule breakers should receive agreed-upon appropriate consequences. He was questioning the idea of adding “naming and shaming” as a consequence, and asking whether all those who violated rules would be treated the same. He questioned the motive of public ridicule and branding of a man who could no longer see the post. My partner was subsequently banned himself, and then called “hostile” by the (white, male) admin, for requesting clarification of, and politely disagreeing with, his ban (screenshots exist). I then received a 30 day temporary ban for commenting that rule-breakers should be banned, but I was wanting to know whether this Name and Shame punishment would be applying to ALL rule-breakers, because despite the group existing for a few weeks, this was the first time it had happened. When I questioned my own ban, I was told it was for stirring drama, and for associating with my boyfriend.
Funny, neither myself nor my partner were named and shamed in the group for OUR rule violations. And at least one white man, who violated the same rule as the black man who was called out, has – to date – still not been named or shamed for his actions. One person was singled out, and that person was a well-known black bluefish. When another black bluefish questioned the actions of admin, he was labeled hostile, and banned. Coincidence? Maybe. But once you spot the pattern in the LS, and in certain groups, it’s really hard to unsee it.
I pointed out to the admin that his actions gave the appearance of being racially biased, and were being perceived as such by the black community. I did not call him a racist, but he immediately took offense saying I labeled him both racist and a bully. He went on a tirade about having black partners and family members, and everything he had done for the black community. I explained to him that again, I was not labeling him racist, only pointing out appearances, and that perception is what matters, regardless of intent. I told him that those who truly have the best interest of the black community at heart would not be defensive when told their actions might be perceived as racist. We can consider ourselves allies and still unknowingly behave in ways that are harmful to those we strive to support. He claimed he didn’t know the man he shamed was black (despite him being a very well-known, OG, black bluefish, with a black-sounding name, who posts regularly about black issues), and wished me the day I deserve.
A perhaps-not coincidental side note: my partner had already been denied membership in a sister group, after being labeled “aggressive,” “pushy,” and “unsafe,” by the admins – a white couple who do not know him. These accusations were based on the words of a nameless accuser stating that he behaved in these ways at one of the group’s parties. When he politely pointed out that he had NEVER ATTENDED any of this group’s parties, the admins didn’t care. I was also subsequently shunned from the group by proxy, despite having zero dealings with the couple.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year. My husband has known him for that long as well. We, and anyone who knows him, know him to be respectful, kind, and courteous. Unconventional? Yes – he is not from the US originally. He was not raised in a country where black people are taught from birth how to make themselves more palatable to the white majority. Regardless of his true character, these slanderous dog whistle words are now out there, attached to him, and are producing their predictable ripple effects.
IDGAF about those groups or being booted from them. People who know me, know my character. There are plenty of other LS groups with admins that are welcoming, willing to engage in constructive discourse, and whose vision aligns with my own. But this situation ripped the scab off a wound that, for my partners and those who look like them, never heals. As someone who loves them I can’t, in good conscience, stay silent.
Please be mindful of the words you use when describing or labeling those with less power than you. For white people, this is all other races. For men, this is all other genders. For heteros, this is all other sexualities. Be aware of the weight words can carry in the larger picture. Does the word that comes to mind cater to inflammatory stereotypes? Why is it the first word that comes to your mind? Does it perhaps indicate biases you may not know you have? Is it a word that has been used to oppress, belittle, devalue, dehumanize? Will it perpetuate harm upon the person it is used against? Will it stay with them like a scarlet letter?
Think twice before speaking or judging, and be on a mission of understanding, not victory at any cost.
The LS is supposed to be a place of open minds and acceptance. We all could use a reminder, now and again, to check ourselves. We all have opportunities to be better.
Boobs, banners, body tape, and a whole lot-a booty! This long-awaited trip to “Sin City” was finally upon us! We aren’t talking about Vegas!
In an unsuspecting lakeside hotel/resort, right in the heart of the US of A, at Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri! For us, a short three-hour road trip away from the suburbs, through country roads, farmland and forest to Osage Beach, MO.
“They said, “yes”, when everyone else said, “no”!”
This message was relayed to us just days prior to the adventure that would end up being a highlight of our summer in 2021.
So much anticipation was built in the weeks, no, months leading up to the trip. We dodged illnesses from our kids, determined not to allow a cold or worse destroy our chance to get away, four whole days! It is a rare occurrence that Lily and I can get an overnight, let alone a long weekend, but here we were, on the precipice of a weekend that would surely leave us with stories for the ages.
Once again with one of our favorite Midwest party squads, LifeinStyle STL! Rockin’ out with all the panda sluts and lots of hot sexy libertines ready to party like it was spring break Daytona Beach in the 90s!
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, as we describe our point of view of just the first day of this adventure packed weekend.
Upon arrival, we stepped through the doors and were greeted by a gentleman who always seemed delighted to see us. He held the door as we passed into a world most will never see. A world where people are free to explore their sexuality without ridicule. A place where you are encouraged to be open to all your wildest desires and lustful intentions. Surrounded by like-minded individuals from some 20 different states, with no children asking for orange juice or fighting us at bedtime. Just Lily and I, determined to reconnect and let loose!
Passing through the lobby, we came upon a table filled with what appeared to be various rolls of tape. Every color and pattern you can think of! Next to the dispensers were binders filled with photos of beautiful women with amazing artistically designed bikinis and dazzling intricate outfits all created using the tape.
Johnny Mack spent hours creating masterful designs on many of the couples who were there that weekend. He did get his own party time in as well! All the way in from Vegas, Johnny Mack with Sinful Designs Body Art was quite the sticky sensation.
To the right of their booth, there was a short set of stairs, to the left, a ramp. We failed to notice the ramp when carrying in our luggage. Also, did not make use of several carts they had available, but that’s not the important stuff.
We headed toward the stairs and into a warm welcoming from Vinny and Sabinne. If you’ve read previous entries, you may recall them. They are the creators and visionaries behind these extravagant events put on by LifeinStyle. They never fail to bring the party and extravagance to their attendees.
Vinny approached me carrying a super soaker. Pointing it as if he were Tony Montana. He offered shots to us both, which Lily declined with a giggle, but I was happy to oblige and get the party underway! He pulled the trigger on the gun and fired a stream of some sort of vodka mix into my mouth, though most went down my shirt. It was the perfect start to the kind of weekend we were about to be a part of.
We continued down the short flight of stairs to a table where we were handed t-shirts, some stickers, and a wristband we were to wear the entire weekend. We were warned not to lose them. The shirts looked great but were a bit on the small side which they did warn us about. Though, perhaps the guy handing out the shirts should have been in charge of the wrist bands. He handed Lily a medium stating that if it were too small, she could exchange it. Of course, she was lucky to get one boob in the shirt, but surrounded by some of the sexiest people we have seen in the Midwest, there was no way she was going through the awkwardness of returning it. A good souvenir at least.
After receiving our goodies, we headed over to the hotel check-in desk where we received our room number, 142. . A short elevator ride down leading to a long walkway down the hall in the back of the hotel. Far from the party floor.
It wasn’t all bad though. We had a beautiful view of the lake from our balcony. Plus, staying off the party floor, allowed us to have a bit of quiet, which at times was needed. I know we sound like a couple of old people. Well, we’re not in our twenties anymore. That is for sure!
The hotel layout took a bit to learn. When we walked into the lobby, instead of being the first floor, we were actually on the 4th floor. That was the main floor of the hotel where you’d find the lobby, restaurant and bar. We would have to get in the elevator and go down to our floor on one. Our floor was still busy however as the hot tub was just down the hall, as well as the exit that led to a mountain of stairs down to the pool area. The pool deck was complete with full bar, ran by a dude named, Flint. The same bar that, while originally writing this at breakfast our first morning there, I realized my debit card was left at.
All settled in our room.
Once we situated our room, it was time to find out where everyone was hanging out. We were a bit nervous, knowing the caliber of sexy attendees we had seen already getting wild throughout the resort.
We hadn’t eaten since we had arrived at the hotel around 4pm, after getting settled, it was nearly dinner time. We agreed we would get food later, since it seemed everyone had already gone down to the pool, and we wanted to get the weekend started! We stopped off to grab a drink at the hotel bar, attempting to stick the request of patronizing the bars throughout the hotel more than the cooler full of beverages in our room. At least in the beginning.
We sat, had our drinks and discussed our hopes for the weekend. There was still so much to come and not even close to the final number of attendees had arrived. Many did not even join the party until Friday. At least one couple we met the last night, near the elevator, had come only for the final party. Which we ended up missing, funny enough. We will circle back to why that happened later.
We wanted to go to the pool, but there was a “Room Crawl” to begin shortly, and we did not want to miss out. Going into it on an empty stomach was concerning, but we had very little time to get anything. We made a quick stop back at the room. Fortunately, we brought some room snacks. While not the most satisfying, we filled up a little on chips and beef jerky Then filled our tumblers and made our way to meet friends.
ROOM CRAWL
The Room Crawl, I badly wanted to be a part of, but had my hopes squashed quickly when Lily showed me our budget and how little time we had to prepare. It was fun meandering from room to room. There were several fun couples who decorated their spaces and really had some creative ideas!
Room #1 Seven Deadly Sins
The first room was by a couple we have met several times. They are always so friendly and both extremely sexy. Their room had an eeriness about it with the theme of “Seven Deadly Sins”. Many of these sins we would indulge in over the four days.
Their decorations were awesome! They went all out with skeletons, red lightening throughout the room, and fake rats. They offered airplane bottles of alcohol as shots. I grabbed a mini bottle of Jack. Lily passed as she was carrying her white claw still.
Room #2 The Champagne Suite
A couple we just met created a fun, relaxed, and chill environment. The beds were covered with soft, fuzzy blankets and the room had a lounge vibe to it. The blue lighting gave it a cool feel and the seemingly endless bottles of champagne gave a touch of class and elegance.
They created a fun little drinking game as well.
A basket filled with numbered ping pong balls in an array of colors glowed from backlights in the room. You had to shoot the ball into a garbage can. I can’t completely recall all the rules. I won though!
They also had this cool Champagne gun. I’d never seen something like it. The bottle loads on top like a ammunition clip. Then the gun is pointed toward a thirsty mouth, trigger pulled and a stream of bubbly is shot down the hatch! Fastest way to consume Champagne I’ve seen! We had a lot of fun in this room!
Room #3
Stepping into the hall we scooted on towards the next room. A table lined the wall in the hallway. A Jager machine sat on the table with stacks of small plastic shot glasses stacked in front. We congregated in the hall to chat for a bit while we did shots then funneled into the room where the hosts had a fun toy to show off!
The motor bunny!
With several speeds and attachments, this little heavenly toy can give women the ride of their life. We did not get the chance to see it in action. I don’t think any of the women we were walking with were quite drunk enough yet for something of that caliber of exhibitionisms. We thank them for our drinks and continued on.
Room #4 Sweet’s Suite
I honestly don’t recall the order, but this next room was occupied by an all-natural blonde bombshell with great big….
Um…
Eyes!
Hubby and she were dressed in hospital attire. This doctor/nurse combo was a fun couple to meet. Producer/Performer, Lisey Sweet and Mr. Sweet had created a fun little game of spin-to-win. The wheel stood on the table and tubes of shots awaited the outcome of the spin. A lucky participant would spin the wheel and take a shot from whatever part of Nurse Lisey the wheel landed on. My spin turned lucky when it landed on mouth! With high hopes of some deep tongue action, I stepped up, but she let the shot go once my mouth was on it. Awkwardly lingering too long probably, but I was feeling a buzz at this point.
The final room we saw was an homage to Mexico. The sexy couple who hosted this mini south of the border excursion, we had seen in quite a few posts in Facebook groups we are a part of, but don’t think we had ever met them in person until this event. Hubby wore a large sombrero and wifey was offering tequila. They were running out to checkout rooms for themselves, so we did not stay long. They have since created a pretty cool line of swinger jewelry you may want to check out!
Following the room crawl and feeling nicely buzzed, we finally made our way down to the pool. Now, when I say, “made our way down”, I mean
DOOOOOOOOOOWN
As in a wooden staircase that seemed to go on forever. The walk down wasn’t as awful as the return.
Once at the bottom of this mountain, we joined all the party people, both in and out of the pool. Across the pool built into the side of the hill was a bar that ran perpendicular to the hotel, with a walkway that continues down to the boat launch.
Many had already been drinking most of the day by this time and most women were topless, if not completely nude.
Still trying to drink from the hotel bars, we got ourselves another beverage. The bartender bore a striking resemblance to, Mike from Breaking bad and Better Call Saul. Later. We came to find out that he was an actor in his own right, having been in several tv shows and movies with bit parts and guest appearances here and there. Working the bar was his summer job. He did well for being on his own all weekend with a crazy group like us.
We took our drinks to the railing that overlooked the boat docks and out into the lake. The weather was perfect. The sun began to fall in the sky, creating a golden glittery hue to the water’s surface that stretched from one end of the lake to the other.
Feeling the freedom of the moment I pulled out my one hitter and packed some delicious bud. Taking a couple hits as Lily slipped off her top, took a few selfies, then sauntered on towards the pool.
Most had drinks of their own stash or tumblers adorn with various décor of stickers or wristbands from other saucy adventures, filled with whatever concoction they came up with for the evening.
We slipped off our sandals and Lily lead the way as she gracefully glided into the pool and waded out a bit into the sexy gathering. There were a few familiar faces, and we met some new ones but overall, not a whole lot of people we knew well. Music was playing to keep the party vibe up. There was a buzz in the air as the weekend’s magic began to reveal itself. Greeting new friends with deep kisses became fairly normal. This was only a mild precursor to what was to come.
We spent about an hour or so at the pool as we mingled and took in the atmosphere. Every so often dodging a sexy blow-up doll, who had some adventures in her own right that weekend.
Eventually we all began the trek back up the colossal climb. Getting out of the pool I realized someone had the exact same flip flops as me and they were right next to each other. They were even the same size. I tried to figure it out, but in the end, just threw on a pair and made my way out. So, my guy, in case you’re reading this, you may have swapped something other than your wife that weekend. Though, I guess swapping is what it was all about.
Still nursing a nice buzz made the task of hiking back somewhat bearable. Though we still made a few stops along the way as I puffed on a pre-rolled joint I picked up from a local dispensary before the trip.
Not wanting to end the evening, we stopped at the hot tub and joined a few other couples in the extra-large spa.
Something about booze and pools that makes people hot and always brings on naught escapades. Lily and I were putting on a little show as kissing turned into lustful thrusting rather quickly. We ended up entangled with a few others in the jacuzzi. Our tongues, fingers, and hands stayed busy as we explored new bodies without even exchanging names at first. Lily was kissing women and men as she obviously was feeling daring.
We eventually came up for air as more couples joined the water. One such couple we met boasted their own Lifestyle Clothing line.
These two from T.U.G.S. Nation were a hot pair! They talked about their brand with such passion. It amazed me how all these couples had found a way to make a business out of the fun part of their life. They basically travel the country from party to party selling their merchandise. It was a fascinating and inspiring.
Love my TUGS Nation hat!🍍🍍
Their motto was, “If you know, you know.”
At least that was mentioned a few times. Honestly, I believe these days many people know what the pineapple means. Though their design is a grenade with a pineapple feel to it, there is still a pretty obvious message. I had to get one of their hats. We admire their love of law enforcement, first responders and military.
I wear my T.U.G.S Nation hat all around town any chance I get, wondering if others are in the know. So far I’ve had no one comment.
Check out all they have to offer at www.tugsnation.com
With the night drawing to a close and much more to come, it was time to head back to our room for some sleep.
What an amazing first night! Still unsure on how we made it through and woke up in time for breakfast. That’s when we realized that I never closed the tab at poolside bar! One night and already left my debit card behind! I was able to retrieve it.
The wristband we were given, and told not to remove, was torn and tattered, nearly coming off my wrist. Sabine stopped to say good morning. Seeing the sad condition of the wristband, she promptly cut it off and replaced it! The weekend had just begun.
Didn’t make it 24hrs
The next three days were filled with everything from dancing to naughty escapades, some relaxation and even baby oil wrestling! My original intent in writing this was to take you through the entire weekend, but it’s probably best I don’t. If you can, we highly encourage you to experience it yourself! They have already started selling tickets and rooms! You can check for yourself at https://www.lifeinstylestl.com/ . They have their St. Patrick’s day party coming up very soon! I had really wanted to go, but our lives have been pretty busy lately.
Submitted by Panda Sluts 🐼
From the live acoustic set at the fancy dinner, by two amazing musicians, who are also swingers to the sexiness of the glow party, this event really had it all. We even became, accidently involved in a wild boating rescue adventure with a fun and sweet couple.
The sprawling playroom was not used nearly as much as one would have expectes, with the amount of people at the event. One thing we do notice at events with this group is the abundance of hot people who love to party and dance more than anything. While there is some live action play happening throughout, it is not the large open orgy one might think. Many form little groups and mainly party privately with those they planned to. Still others look for as much sex and play time as possible. Being the exhibitionist Lily and I are, we definitely made use of some of the playroom’s equipment.
As always, Lily and I enter these events with little expectation and if we end up having sex with only each other, that is perfectly fine for us. We could take in the sexiness around us and let it turn us on, causing us to ravish each other by the end of the evening and be completely content.
By the last night, we couldn’t even party anymore. Too much alcohol and not nearly enough sleep. We started to prepare for the final party, but instead ate a couple THC gummies and found ourselves giggling in the room together and wanting to simply share the last bits of time without the stresses of the real world. We packed up much of what we brought and looked through pictures we had taken. We discussed if we would do it again in 2022. Vinny told me he wanted me to work the event in 2022, but I am not sure, as it was so much fun to be part of the party!
Submitted by Panda Sluts🐼
As mentioned, we’ve started seeing many posts for National Swingers Weekend 2022. If you are going, don’t wait too long or you may miss out on the best rooms. Every year it seems to get bigger and bigger. We’d like to say we will be there, but family vacations are already set. We are not sure we can swing it this year! One can only imagine the possible shenanigans to be had!
Thank you so much for reading. If there are any questions, or requests of any kind, please feel free to reach out. Make sure you’re following our Instagram for the occasional mini blog. www.instagram.com/swingopenmo
We would say, follow our Facebook as well, but they keep locking us down with their silly rules!
Most of all, follow us here for future posts!
We are a little behind with our Podcast, but it will be coming! Even better, Lily has agreed to be my co-host! We are so excited to get things underway!
From the time we met until now, Lily and I have been through hell and back together several times. Being able to withstand so many trials and tribulations, and still come out together, stronger each time is a true testament to the power of our love.
Saturday morning, I learned my stepfather does not have much longer on this planet. Though he is my stepfather, he has been in my life since I was nine. My biological father was and still is always there for us, but I grew up 1400 miles away from him. My stepfather was there daily.
We’ve known all year this was coming. He was diagnosed with pre-leukemia nearly a year ago, but now it’s gone full force. The doctors can’t keep his platelets up and the treatments are an extreme stress on his body. Unfortunately, due to unrelated issues with his respiratory system failing, bone marrow transplants or chemo are not options. His body would not withstand either.
So I got the call that they will be suspending treatments and potentially going to hospice. He has been given 30 days. He called myself and my other three brothers individually so he could tell us himself.
His 70th is in February. This whole thing is hard to wrap my head around. When I was young, we had our share of battles. He never hit me, or any of us, but he had a tendency to be overbearing. The school of tough love. Our mother handled the affection in the household while he coldly ran the home with an iron fist.
He smoked cigarettes, fished, watched football and kept his lawn on point. Your stereotypical gun loving, no bullshit, hard nosed conservative. He’d pace in the garage, all 325 lbs of him, fidgeting with random items he needed to fix or polishing his John Deere mower. At 6’2″ He is a man you don’t miss. Loud mouthed, often to the point of obnoxious. He’d strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
Writing this, I am not sure of the point. It doesn’t really fit into swinging or the lifestyle, but I’ve been in an internal struggle, this year especially to free myself and Lily of all social constructs. To be open and free to be who we are. Or at least who I am.
I feel like once he goes, there is less holding me back. I never felt I lived up to his standard of “manliness”. I am a dreamer, a lover. I was a small framed, emotionally charged punk rock kid who bucked the system at every turn. To me, as a teen, he was the system. He was the figurehead of everything I hated about society. The jocks and tough kids who made us feel like outcasts. Made us fear being anything other than cookie cutter “normal”, simply to fit in and go with the flow.
Of course, there are still my brothers. They have tendency to latch on to anything that is different and not let you forget it. Recently, in a stupid error of cut and paste, I inadvertently sent them a link to our Instagram. Some of you may recall this. We thought for sure I had outed us. My explanation was that it was a site of one of the suspected swingers in our neighborhood and the link had been saved in my clipboard because a friend sent it to me when they had stumbled upon it, proving these hedonistic summer pool dwellers were sharing and swapping. Then I quickly removed the link destination so it would come back unable to locate should they actually click on it. They didn’t really bring it up again, though I am not sure they believed me. The jury is still out on that one.
That is our society who we feel judged by, and we create our visible reality based on what we feel safe for the majority of the world to see.
As we head into 2022, we continue to face trials within our relationships and ourselves, but we work together to truly live our best life. This will not be a “New Year, new me” situation, but a realization that we have grown into something most will not understand. The biggest take away is in the grand scheme of things, “most” do not matter. They live their life how they choose. We should all do the same. Perhaps we are the ones who are getting it right. Perhaps their “right”, is not the same as ours.
Now that we have become polyamorous and not simply swingers, this fantasy world has become our day-to-day reality. It feels inauthentic hiding our true identity to those we love most, but the world they were brought up in and how they understood it simply does not mesh with our progressive ideas and values. Think about it though, we have relationships outside of our marriage that are very real, but we hide them for fear of other’s perceptions. What are we so afraid of? Lily and I still are very much in love and now we are able to share love with others. How does this make those dating us feel? They shouldn’t be hidden like we are ashamed to be with them.
So, we wait. Knowing my stepdad is completely conscious and cognoscente of the fate that lies before him is difficult to imagine. Does he have regrets? Did he live his life the way he felt was true to him? These are questions only he can answer. We do love him and don’t fault him for anything. I did have a decent childhood and we now get along pretty well. He instilled in me a sense of pride in my work and a take-no-shit attitude. As of today, he will be admitted to hospice. Being that he was only making it about two weeks in between transfusions, we can only assume his end will be fairly soon.
As with any end, there is new beginning. We shed our past to allow us the freedom to focus on the present and create a better future. The future here will be the Unapologetic Podcast coming in 2022. A platform that will bring to light the life we’ve chosen, our views to the forefront and give a voice to those who don’t buy into the relationship conservatism we were forced to value for so long.
We know this is not the most sexy post, but it’s raw and real. Death is a reminder to live! Whatever you may be dealing with, whether relationship turmoil, self confidence, or just simply having a bad day, as long as you’re alive, you have the ability to change your story. It’s not too late until it is. If you’ve read this whole thing we truly appreciate it. Sometimes things need to be put out there so they can be let go to relieve the stress, sadness, and negativity.
We hope you will continue to read our blog as well as get involved in the podcast when it’s released. The first interview has been lined up and we are so excited to get started! In this world of Swingtok, more and more people are realizing non-monagomy is not so abnormal. Everyone deserves to live without shame or guilt. Remember, it’s your life!
Why do we torture ourselves? Two are high school sweethearts, just having celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We are very much in love and yet, here we are. Going on dates, or trying to, anyways. Why? People like us, out there on dates!? Many of us weren’t any good at it in high school or college. So, here’s an idea. How about now we get out there and bring all the self-doubt, fears of rejection, and potential heartbreak back into our lives? Like, literally what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck is wrong with us? There’s got to be a common thread. A vine of some sort that links us all, intertwined in these taboos, this, “alternative” relationship world. But, what?
The way it grows, expands and takes over is fascinating. There seems to be a progression to which you are no longer touching your toes in the water. You’re performing full on somersault swan dives into the deep end. People look to you for answers. They want to know where the best parties are. They want to get in.
It all really comes back to boundaries and how far you are willing to push your own. In the beginning, it was how far we could push them as a couple. Overall, it still is, but we have reached a point of comfort and freedom where we are able to individually explore any avenue we feel might nourish our existence.
Don’t mistake comfort for a mundane old relationship that has lost its spontaneity and luster, forcing us to look beyond each other for gratification. We have created a completely safe and accepting extension to the already amazing bond we share.
Recently, I’ve been talking with someone who has been in my life since I was 13 years old. My first kiss. My first love. Sure, maybe it was puppy love, but even at 13 we were together for about a year. Which is longer than even most adult relationships these days. Now a grown woman, with that same adorable laughter, the same sweet voice, the same beautiful soul. Though we have not seen each other in nearly a decade, the fiery connection we shared in our youth has never completely extinguished. If the opportunity to date her were possible, it could become serious rather quickly. Like pouring gasoline on that flame.
With all this happening, it dawned on me that I have kept in contact with nearly every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Even short relationships, or ones that didn’t end quite as dignified as they could have, we are no longer at odds. Each hold a special place in my heart. Flickers of memories like a film strip of my life, strung together in a sequence of relationships, new love and broken hearts. A simple click on any one of their Facebook profiles instantly brings back a flurry of memories, like opening a time portal.
We are no longer kids. She is married and they are not LS. She is intrigued however. My ethical side tells me to keep things platonic. We are not here to cause collateral damage.
It happens often. A friend with curiosity causing them to ask questions and begin considering a peek into the other side. Sometimes you need a friend to help guide you or at least be there to walk with you into uncharted territory. Other times you are the guide. However, you must be careful not to take advantage of their curiosity. If you are going to bring them into this community, do it with class. Do it at their pace. It must be completely 100% consensual.
We have moments ourselves, where we need guidance. A couple weeks back, I went on an adventure like never before. Some newer friends showed me a world I would not even have considered when we had our typical monogamous marriage.
My point is, once you get to a place where you have your safety and support, you find yourself able to open up and give the same to others. In the end, it all comes down to loving and being loved. Caring for each other as humans should. There is enough hatred and sadness, why create more? Love, and share your love with others.
I literally used to be the one who would walk around and talk about how I hate people and everyone sucks. Realizing now more than ever, hating everyone around you is a sure fire way to leave you isolated.
Perhaps that’s why we have come back to the dating scene. Even though Lily and I have each other, we are rebuilding love we let wilt in our past. We moved a few times around the country, from one coast to the other and back to the middle. This never made it easy to create deep bonds.
A friend was having a rough day a few weeks ago. An argument with a family member left her in tears. She called me. Why? She felt I could be there for her in the moment she needed someone. It was kind of amazing to be needed in that way.
The odd thing is, neither my ex-girlfriend from my teenage years nor my friend in need are even having a sexual relationship with me. I think finding our way into this poly-world has made me start caring about people again! Don’t quote me. I am still not sure how I feel about it and I have a reputation to uphold. I am still an asshole; I promise you that. Maybe it’s old age or life experience. Who knows? It’s like that moment when the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes.
So we get back out there. Some looking for answers and how to break into the LS. Excited, naïve, and filled with dreams of constant sexual gratification. Others look for connections and deeper meaningful lifelong relationships. What ever the case is, we are open and vulnerable again. It makes us feel alive, I suppose.
The same shyness, inadequacies, self doubt we had before still scream in our ears. Every meet and greet we attend and every date we go on, trying to fulfill a need for acceptance and to be loved.
Recently, I was able to go out for a rather short “guys night”. Just to a bar for a few hours, if that. We had the oddest conversation with a couple different ladies. We sat at the corner of a shelf-top railing like table, with our backs facing the bar as we watched Karaoke singers take their turns in the spotlight. Sitting in the center, with Ben to my right and LE to my left, we scanned the bar for potential new friends. Ben was pretty into a game he was playing on his phone but was following the conversation. LE on the other hand seemed to know everyone in the bar, being a bit of a regular.
There was one girl dancing a bit and seemed to be in a friendly mood. LE was able to catch her eye for a moment and motioned for her to come join us. To my surprise she walked over. Her dark hair tied back in a ponytail made her adorable smile and glittery eyes shine in the strobe. She was hesitant but intrigued. Her name escapes me but she wore jeans and a tight black top. Her cellphone stuck out of her back pocket making it difficult to to discern if the shape of her ass was real or simply an optical technological illusion provided by the phone.
LE asked her name and where she was from. She lived not far, but apparently her friend had left her at the behind. Seems to be a common theme I’ve encountered throughout my life. Like the damsel in distress. I always somehow meet the girl who’s friend left them behind. But I digress.
LE inquired about her status. To which she said she was single, though there was a guy at the bar she had met just that night. Bold as he is, LE wasted little time getting to the point; he asked if he would like to come hangout with us and we would take her home. I don’t recall how it came up, perhaps I threw out a comment about Lily or something, but she learned Ben and I were married. Also that both our wives were at home fully aware and ok with us out potentially picking up women. In fact, we explained my situation and having not only a wife, but a “sidepiece” and everyone is good with it. I explained that Lily also dates separately on occasion. She was in shock.
“No, no, no! That’s not right,” she said with a smirk and a glint of curiosity in her eye.
She told us how that’s not how she was raised, and that she is way too jealous for something like that. She laughed it off and told us she was going to stand back at the bar. By that time I needed to catch a buzz. Having a bowl and weed in my pocket, for medicinal purposes of course. I jumped up, walked over to her and asked if she smoked.
She said, “yes.” I followed with “do you want to smoke with me?”
Another yes, and she followed me to the door. Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying anything with her, but my curiosity was in her point of view. What was so wrong about my marriage and our situation as husband and wife?
We smoked and discussed it. She told me it’s not something that she thinks is wrong, but that she just is too jealous and it would never work for her. That was good enough for me. At least she didn’t think me to be some kind of monster. On one hand I don’t care how others feel about it, but also see it as a moment to offer a different perspective on relationships that perhaps before they really didn’t understand.
We smoked the bowl and talked about the basics, where she grew up, etc. Once finished, we headed back in and she went off to dance with the guy she had met earlier.
Ben and LE, looked at me with wonder, likely thinking something had happened between the vanilla and I. Last they saw me make a move to talk to her and head out the door with her. I suppose I could have made up a decent tale of how she sucked me off behind the building, or I bent her over a car, but I simply told them the truth.
Last call came and people began to head out in groups. A gorgeous blond, my kryptonite, passed by with her man in tow after leaving the pool table. Her tight jeans outlined her curves in all the right places and we gawked as men do, though LE was not so enticed. He told me of a run in he had with her. Apparently he did not think highly of her.
At that moment as another group of patrons passed by, LE reached out to another blond who was talking loudly about going to the casino and how she is out partying with her daughter. She gave her daughter a hug and told her she would see her at the casino and to my disbelief was pulled in by LE’s uncanny ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She stood next to me in the same spot as the last girl, talking across me to LE. There was bit of small talk until they landed on something of interest. She mentioned briefly how she moved from California. Lily and I spent the majority of our twenties in Los Angeles. We talked about parts of California we had been and she mentioned having been in a few films. We asked, what sort of films? To which she laughed at the question and skirted around the question. She also talked about her family owning an Island in the Caribbean. At this point we weren’t sure if we were being played or actually speaking to a multi-millionaire, former porn star in a random Missouri suburban bar. With this in mind, we circled back to her “acting” career as the topic of conversation. We thought for sure if this person was open minded enough to participate in sexual acts on camera for pay, she would definitely understand a life like the three of us were a part of.
LE gave her the rundown and asked how she felt about me having a girlfriend and a wife, knowing they were both ok with the arrangement. Her face filled with shock and discomfort, as if I had told her that her partner had cheated! It was an awkward moment. She reacted nearly identical to the previous vanilla, but with more disdain. She said how it was wrong and that is not how relationships should be. She nearly seemed to get upset about it, which was odd as it was not her relationship. She could not get out the door and away from us heathens fast enough.
LE was puzzled by the exchange. He sad, “I can’t believe we just got judged by a fucking porn star.”
In that moment it occurred to me, that we have spent so much time around people with open marriages of some kind and far more open minds, that to be around those who don’t understand our choices, seems almost foreign to us. Feeling like an outcast and perhaps something must be wrong with me, then I recalled the number of like-minded individuals we partied with at National Swingers Weekend 2021 not long ago and know I am not alone. Maybe they are the outcast? Perhaps there are no outcasts. That’s the beauty of it. No one should ever feel ashamed for how they choose to live their lives. We are not all the same. What one does in their personal lives and relationships, does not effect other’s who are not directly involved. We are consenting adults. We know all the risks, and we choose to live this way because it is who we are.
“My choice is what I choose to do and If I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” – Ben Harper
Though his song was referring to my other favorite pastime, it applies to so many other facets of life. We could just as easily judge others and admittingly have. We all cling to what’s familiar. It’s like a security blanket to a toddler. Though some of us see beyond the norm and dare to be different. We push our limits and shift our values to fit how we want our lives to be. After all, we only live it once!
We hope you enjoyed reading and welcome any and all feedback. Having readers at all is a wonderful thing and you are so appreciated. Thank you for allowing us to share our thoughts and our world with you.
There is so much in the works here at Swing Open. Although we don’t have any huge parties lined up, we have gone to several smaller engagements and have also had some very scandalous independent adventures. Lily with her pool party escapade and myself with my sidepiece late night lap dance on a bench on Main Street. We were suppose to attend a hotel party with some friends, but Lily came down with a nasty cold. Instead of anything kinky that weekend, she was in bed while I wrangled the kids all around. We still have so much to unravel and tell about National Swingers Weekend down at the lake, and you won’t want to is that!
Be sure to subscribe and follow all the social medias out there! Now on Instagram and Facebook, @Swingopenmo. Also LE can be followed on Twitter @BBC_lite and Ben and his beautiful Olivia can be also be found on Twitter @BenandOlivia2. Please share your comments, send your questions, and share with your friends. After all, sharing is caring. Thanks again for reading!
How can we? How can any couple, bluefish, or unicorn for that matter, create a life of intensely erotic escapades, fulfilling their deepest desires, through wild sexual adventures, simply, walk away?
We see it all the time. Recently, a couple, I think for the second time since we’ve known them, made a post stating, “We are leaving the Lifestyle!”
But can they? Of course, it is completely their prerogative and there could be a million reasons why they are taking a step back. Don’t get me wrong, taking a break is fairly common in most LS journeys. Perhaps they stumbled upon emotions they, as a couple, were just not prepared to handle. Whatever the reason, it is always a good idea to step back, when needed, and reconnect with your primary partner, or even yourself. That being said, once this world is tapped into, how can anyone go completely back?
Can you?
Completely?
I suppose it depends on how deep you have gone. How far down the rabbit hole have you fallen?
Personally, we struggle with even spending time with vanillas now. Hanging out at the neighborhood pool, listening to the dads drone on and on about 401k’s and the latest video games. Watching them gawk at neighborhood MILFs in bikini’s, knowing they will never touch another body outside of their marriage. Though even intamcy at home is rationed out as a cheap gift on special occasions. They make jokes about how they haven’t had a bj in years, but claim that it’s just part of marriage. It’s exhausting! I want to blurt out, “Not in my marriage!”
It’s just so difficult to be around. We can’t be ourselves. We must be a different version of ourselves anyway. Life is too short to spend it pretending to be someone you’re not. Just more of my “running out of fucks” journey, I suppose.
If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to check out my post on how I am giving up trying to please others or give in to social constructs. Maybe I was baked or just being pissy, but check it out! Running Out of Fucks
One thing we have learned from our recent poly relationships is, once you allow emotion in, it becomes even more difficult to walk away. Sex with someone you care about or share a strong bond with is far more satisfying than any gangbang orgy fuck fest you could attend. Unless you are really into those of course. We do not kink shame here!
Deeper connections become habitual and that becomes the new craving. Beyond sex, beyond kinks or fetishes. Love. It bonds people and gives more profound meaning to relationships.
So, what happens when you try to leave all that behind?
In our experience, it’s causes friction in the primary relationship. Of course, this is going to be different for everyone, but a lot of times we see the same couples who announce their departure, come back months or even years later. Perhaps they felt a part of themselves missing. Often one partner may be the driving force to leave the lifestyle behind, while the other never wanted it to end in the first place.
Perhaps the jealousy they faced was too much of a burden. Maybe they felt their partner’s attention shift and they didn’t like how it left them feeling.
Typically, when a new partner enters the picture, there is a dynamic change. There is a shift that is felt, even if the person who has created the shift doesn’t realize it. It can be as simple as, every day at lunchtime you’d receive a text from your partner but suddenly it happens later in the day, or less often. It’s that new relationship energy and it’s a bitch!
Jealousy is an emotion. It sucks and can make you feel like you’re dying inside, but emotions are triggered by traumas which cause specific reactions from within. Heal the trauma, get to the root of the jealousy and it can be unlearned and controlled. We still have moments ourselves but are getting better at handling our own jealousy.
Jealousy is a fucked-up thing. Personally, it became less of an issue for me as I got older. I would share Lily with friends without a second thought, simply to see her lost in pleasure. Any jealousy issues that were shouting to me, were quickly muffled by the intense sexual afterglow we’d be in. However, when we entered a polyamorous situation, it brought the bitch out of me. I will admit. There were a lot of emotions that welled up in me that I had forgotten were even there.
If you’re unaware, Lily changed our dynamic completely in the beginning of the year, when she fell in love with someone else. She still loved me and didn’t want us to change, but she wanted to have this new boyfriend be a very important part of her life. She nearly cucked me into the situation and, at times in their relationship, she actually did dabble in cuck play. There was little I could do or say because she knew how much it turned me on. We realized it was an exciting new adventure for us and really played into the kink of it. We found it hot and exciting, and it ended up being the thing I’d focus on which helped me to adjust and feel confident that she still loved me and reassured me as we shared in these intense and passionate situations.
At first, when Lily decided she was going to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t too concerned. We had known him for a while before they took it to that level. He was always respectful and treated her good. I saw it like any other fwb for her. But when things turned emotional, I had to check myself pretty quick. It wasn’t easy at first. Not for either of us. Eventually I found someone just to prove I could and, I guess and my own separate relationship took off. But, when Lily’s relationship ended, she felt the jealousy and dynamic shift from me.
After listening to a couple podcasts, working with our therapist, lots of research, like reading The Ethical Slut, we were able to find the tools to deal with the jealousy or the alone moments. Now, instead of feeling uneasy when one of us goes out with someone, we focus on something in our moment. For example, I might use it as an opportunity to blog or play guitar or do just about anything to reconnect with myself. Lily might read or watch an awful dating “reality” show. You can never stop trying to discover yourself. Trust me, there are always new things you can learn. I am living proof of that this year!
The therapist we see is well versed in alternative relationships, ethical non-monogamy and an amazing source of knowledge on all sorts of kinks. If you can find a good therapist to guide you through this journey, we highly recommend it. Don’t go it alone. The tools are out there and available to you. Listen to podcasts that cover this stuff. Talk to friends who have gone through it. Read more blogs like ours. There are plenty of books that help to dive into the topic as well. Hell, message us! We love to chat with people, especially about LS related stuff!
One of my best sources and ear to bend was a mutual friend on Facebook. I reached out to her because I knew from her posts that she was in a polyamorous relationship and had been previously. She’s been a saint with my endless issues and all the questions I’d bother her with. She was so patient and understanding. She had been where I was at some point. Her and her boyfriend make it look so simple and seamless. He is married to another beautiful woman, but their relationships are separate. I believe it’s called a “V”. We are still learning all this. From the outside they look like they have it all together but what we don’t see is all the work that went in to get them to this point. This year they celebrated their one-year anniversary, and we wish them many more.
So, I ask…
again…
Can you go back?
The night I began writing this, Lily was out on a “dick date” as she called it. Their connection could go anywhere. It certainly has all the makings of a relationship beyond simply friends. They seem to like each other. He and I hit it off pretty well also which is always bonus points, because obviously Lily wants us to get along. She is being cautious, however. Her emotions are still pretty raw from the breakup with her ex. Her tolerance for men is dropping daily it seems.
She commented recently, a couple times, “Maybe I should just get a girlfriend!”
So, ladies if you’re reading this, take her out! Show her the fun a basic fuck boy never will.
I wonder if she could ever have a girlfriend. She certainly is attracted to women. She occasionally craves their soft touch and gentle kisses, but at the end of the day, she is all about cock. Let’s be real here. We are who we are.
One thing I’ve noticed is, her always meeting single men. Her and I have discussed this. Sure, there are some who are genuine and probably would make excellent boyfriends, but most of these single guys are single for a reason it seems. Either they don’t want to commit, or no one wants to commit to them. On the other hand, dating someone single has its benefits. Currently I am seeing someone, and we have nowhere to go if we want to be intimate. Both of us have families at home while we are out.
I also see a single girl as well. She is the same girl I left standing in the rain in front of a bar a few months ago. I know it sounds awful. I did offer a ride home. I also broke things off abruptly when we were at the bar, so I get why she didn’t want to get in a car with me. So, she waited for an Uber as I walked in the rain back to my car.
I had to do it. It was clear that nothing was going to work at that moment. Lily and I were not emotionally prepared for polyamory. It became painfully obvious to everyone involved at the time. If we didn’t put a stop to it all, things may have turned ugly. And she knew that. We all did.
Now, however, after several sessions with our amazing therapist, many meaningful conversations with each other, Lily and I are much better at managing these emotions.
We realized, and both admitted, we couldn’t go back to just being swingers. We’re definitely not going to be monogamous. We both enjoy this all too much and it fulfills a part of us that is needed.
Don’t get me wrong, with all the swinger events we attend, casual play is still a very big part of us. After all, we are sluts. But now we can delve deeper into passions and connections to allow for something more profound and real to be built.
My “Side Piece,” as she refers to herself as of late, has been amazing to spend time with since some burdens were lifted. We picked right up where we left off and things have been pretty great. We don’t have a label. Haven’t really discussed one too much this time. I don’t think there are any real expectations. We simply live in the moment. We see each other about once a week or when we can. We might go to a nice dinner and to a bar, or just have a peaceful evening at her place with a bottle of wine. Either way we always seem to enjoy our time together. Our focus is only on each other. Not work, not kids, not anything else. That is our time. That is how we try to approach connections with others now. We allow them to rise naturally to whatever they may become, and we put our focus in the moment as much as possible.
Now we really can’t go back. Once that emotional bridge is crossed, the bridge falls behind and you must be real, raw, and open to whatever comes. Find new ways to deal with emotions. If you’ve done the work and your primary foundation is strong, it can be amazing.
I remember my Facebook consigliere told me that “Couples privilege” sucks. I didn’t know what that meant right away. But now I totally get it. That single person, on the outside of the relationship is very real. They have emotions and needs like the rest of us. At the end of the day, they usually don’t go to sleep with the person they care about. They only get a small portion, but they learn to be content, and gracious. They deserve to have their voice recognized.
Things are much different now. We even went out for drinks, the three of us. Lily, side piece and me. What a surreal moment. My gorgeous wife to my left, an old fashioned in my hand, and my beautiful, “side piece,” to my right. We laughed and talked about everything. We were able to all find common ground. For starters, for God only knows why, they both want to spend time with me.
In awkward moments I was able to entertain them with my randomness. We had a good laugh at my expense as I dripped sauce down the front of my shirt from the fried pickles we shared. They found more common ground in their agreement on how clumsy and forgetful I can be. At one point, the discussion turned to how much weed I smoke. Things were getting out of hand! I thought I was about to have an intervention or something! We also talked about our children and how close they are in age. We hope to get everyone together soon. We could have a barbecue and let the kids run around. Things we never thought we would be comfortable with.
We will continue to follow this path. There are ups and downs and we will make a million mistakes, but Lily and I love who we’ve become. We are who we are, and we can’t go back.
This weekend we both have separate dates planned, so long as our kids don’t get us sick with their colds. I’m supposed to go to a concert with the side piece and Lily to a party with her boyfriend. So far, I am 0-1 on trying to make it to a concert this year. I had tickets go to waste after our kids got me sick just days before. By the time any of you read this, we should know whether I remained healthy and made it to the concert.
We appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings. Please share your thoughts. Can you go back to vanilla life? Will you get to a point where you feel you are too old and it’s time to put the toys away?
If you made it this far you might as well subscribe because the adventures will continue! In fact, We just returned from National Swingers Weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, MO! Such an amazing time! We have so many stories and pictures to share, so you won’t want to miss out!
Thanks for reading!
National Swingers Weekend 2021 Lake of the Ozarks, Mo
We have learned so much about ourselves by exploring our sexuality together. Not so long ago our feelings about sex, sexual desires and what turned us on looked completely different from what they are today.
A few years ago, I posted a question in a local Facebook group we are a part of. A question I thought was straight forward, but have learned the answers were anything but conclusive.
The question was simply, “Are you more dominant or more submissive?”
From my naïve perspective at the time, it seemed like a very black and white, night and day question. You had to be one or the other, no?
I couldn’t have been any further from reality.
Many commented that they are switch, depending on the situation.
Switch? It never occurred to me that someone could be both. Exploring multiple dynamics seemed so alluring. So simple but profound.
Still I wanted clear answers. Ultimately I was actually trying to find out which women in the group were submissive, to be honest. Another naivety. Assuming that just being submissive, perhaps would make them easily be submissive to me. Again, completely wrong!
I rephrased the question in a way to guide them to a precise answer. Urged them to pick a side! Everyone had to have a side, right?
Wrong again! I get it now. There are so many variants to sexual play that it makes complete sense that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual desires could be any part of the spectrum at any given time.
Desires change and evolve. You can choose to hold back or free yourself to safely explore where things may take you. If it’s something in the end you find you don’t like, you can always stop doing it.
For example, you may not be interested in anal play, but your partner wants you to try it with them. Are you curious? Does part of your mind whisper, “maybe you’ll love it.” If it does, give it a try. The worse thing that could happen is you try something and you dislike it. If that happens, communicate it right away. Talk to your partner. Be honest about what specifically you didn’t like. Perhaps there is an adjustment that could be made. Otherwise, if it’s not for you, that is perfectly fine! No one is required to perform any level of sexual acts.
Typically, it seems women will play the submissive role. I personally love submissive women. One of the reasons I married Lily. But you must remember, and what I have learned is, just because someone is submissive, does not mean they will submit to just anyone, at least not completely. They must have trust in their partners. This trust must be built up in order to allow someone who is naturally submissive to completely come out of their shell. That or if they orgasm, then all bets are off! At least that is how Lily operates. In the end though, honesty and trust help everyone to feel safe to try new things without fear of ridicule.
This all starts to get into the BDSM community a bit. I am not even going to pretend to know much about BDSM, but I am learning. Some of my new kinks and fetishes definitely dabble in that kink community. I would love to learn more. I hope to share more with all of you.
There is an event coming up this weekend, “Beat Me in St. Louis.” See what they did there? Unfortunately we will not be able to attend. There is no way we can get that many days without kids. Perhaps in the future.
Advertised as a three day fully immersive event. All the Kink and BDSM you could ask for. They have seminars and educational presentations. It will be completely “Vanilla-Free.” Sounds like one hell of an event and a great way to learn a lot at once about the BDSM community.
Find more information for the event by following the link here, https://beatmeinstl.com/
If you happen to go, send pics or just a short paragraph of your favorite thing about the event or even if there were things you didn’t like, share those too. We would love to hear all about it!
Getting back to submissive people, women don’t always play this part. In fact it is pretty common to have a female Dominatrix, or Domme. Gender really plays no part in who is the dominant one.
I have started to explore my submissive side this year and have discovered some amazing erotic feelings that I never knew existed. It is fascinating to allow your inhabitations go and truly immerse yourself in the moment. Submission is not giving up all control. In fact, the submissive has the most power of all. They carry the power to control how far their dominant counterpart may take them. They are the lead character in their sexual adventure.
Allowing myself to switch has given me some of the most highly erotic experiences ever. I still love to be dominant, but in the right moments I am happy to switch.
As I have said in the past, I am really trying to cut ties with all labels as much as possible. Why should they matter? Labels only serve to organize you into subsets or groups. Without labels, you are free to flow naturally from one experience to the next, without guilt or misunderstandings. No hierarchy needs to be created amongst you and your partners. Be dominant, be submissive, be anything that feels right at any moment.
You should try to let go if you have not done so before, become the submissive. Allow yourself the experience of relinquishing your control. If you do this, feel free to report back! Tell us all the dirty details!
Having a partner who explores your sexual desires and helps to push your boundaries definitely is a bonus; some may not have a partner, we know. There are so many singles in these scenes and you can absolutely get in. Of course, women are rarely turned away. You’d have to have really fucked up good if you are a female blacklisted from anything Lifestyle related. Or if you happen to be the single bluefish, just remember this, be yourself, be respectful. I know Lily has a few bluefish she is thankful to have met and have in our lives. We have one paying her a visit tonight.
A lot has happened with us and there is so much I need to catch everyone up on. Topics to come include, “We’re Poly Now?” We will tell all about our first poly relationships and how we struggled to maintain our life while dealing with jealousy and other issues we did not see coming. We plan to discuss cuckolding, including adventures we have explored. Such hot, intense experiences. Perhaps give some details on the “punishment” Lily received in which a friend and I delayed her orgasm several times before fucking her to multiple orgasms.
What else…? Oh! We have decided to jump on the Only Fans train and give it a shot. Why not? We have the equipment and the means to do it. It’s the consistency we lack. Perhaps with Lily being more the focal point of an Only Fans it will drive her to help me be consistent. We shall see. If we ever get accepted.
Picture from www.Lifeinstylestl.com
Also, BIIIIIG NEWS! We are going to National Swingers Weekend 2021 with the LifeinStyLe STL Group! Can NOT wait! Four nights on a lake property with hundreds, perhaps thousands of swingers and lifestyle party goers. There is entertainment every day with dinners and nightly themed parties! We missed last year but are so happy and excited to be a part of it this year!
As always, please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions or opinions you’d like to relay, or if you just want to talk to someone like minded. We love talking to people from all over and learning about what works for them in this Lifestyle and what we can perhaps take away for ourselves.
To all our followers, thanks for bearing with us. You are very much appreciated! To those who perhaps stumbled upon this, please follow. We promise, it won’t be boring. At least, we will try not to let it be boring. Until next time!
