“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth” ~ Oscar Wilde
It’s that time of year again! Horrors and whores to be found at every event and gathering! Hopefully, you have somewhere to be.
It has been a few years since I’ve made it to a good Halloween event. Whether it’s a simple private costume party at a bar or a full-on hotel takeover that ends in a massive orgy, I always love the Halloween events! Mostly because I get to wear a costume.
Maybe it’s the theater degree in me still craving a bit of play, but just as I was excited to put on my simple, Amazon purchased toga costume a few weeks ago, I can’t wait to get a costume for the late October party.
This year I should be getting to two parties. One I will not be there in time to worry about anyone having costumes on, or anything at all.
🏨 The Sexy Halloween Hotel Party
The first scary, sexy event will be the Halloween Hotel Party! With four floors of reserved rooms and a ballroom for the party itself, it’s sounding like a wild night.
People are encouraged to wear their sexiest costumes but do need to keep it toned down mildly for the ballroom and any public areas. No pubic in the public! There are still several areas of the hotel open to outside guests, not to mention the hotel staff doesn’t need to see it all (though we see some of those staff members peeking!).
The night is broken into two parts:
The Meet & Mingle: Earlier in the evening when everyone checks in, there will be a gathering in the ballroom. Everyone shows up in their costumes and sexy apparel. Costumes are not strictly required at these events, but why wouldn’t you?! Well, for those actually attending the costume party, that is.
The Hall Party: My girlfriend and her husband will be there, and they’ve got a room. For myself and possibly my wife, we will only make it in time for the hall party. The hall party is typically just as it sounds: the hallway is filled with kinky guests dressed in their naughtiest attire, lace lingerie, sexy rompers, and other sensual accessories.
There will likely be drinks flowing. Many will leave their room doors open with music playing or custom lights they’ve brought to the party. When you enter the party floor or any level this group is staying on, don’t be surprised to hear moans of pleasure, laughter, and even a few people who probably drank a little too much.
I’ve not been to a takeover with this particular group yet, though we are familiar with many of them. Honestly, most of them, really. There’s always an abundance of alcohol, and something always ends up having a bit of a negative impact on the community. Unfortunately, this brings the threat of losing privileges within the community; it can’t be easy to obtain hotels willing to allow our events in the first place. We all need to remember to respect the space, or it goes away.
Ok, off my soap box!
Honestly, I am excited to go. Due to some family obligations, we aren’t sure if my wife and I will go together just yet, or if I will be meeting my girlfriend and her husband solo. He and I get along great! I know it will be a fun night!
This event will likely be much more tame when compared to the hotel takeover the week before. It’s your typical meet-and-greet party.
Attendees are encouraged to wear costumes. Since it is Halloween, these outfits often leave very little to the imagination. I am supposed to go with a friend I have been spending some time with recently. Someone I maybe had a bit of a crush on in the past has come into my life. I’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know her.
The bar is only a short trip for me. It is the same place I went last year when they had their “Back to School” theme. That was a fun night since I wore my high school football jersey, and it shockingly still fit after nearly 30 years!
As always, there will be music, good conversation, cocktails, cock, and tail! It should be a fun night. There are likely to be afterparties or shared hotel rooms afterward. I typically stick with the people I arrived with unless plans shift for some reason.
Both parties should be a great time.
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“Change is not only likely, it’s inevitable.” ― R. Holdstock
Sometimes the party comes to a grinding halt in the middle of a crowded intersection. Horns blaring. People yelling in frustration, and you just don’t know which way to turn.
These last few years have been a whirlwind. Fantasies turned reality. Times of wild sexual discovery and cinematic passion. All shifting into a nightmare and back again.
Some lessons were needed, while others were unnecessary. In the end, there is still love in our life and in our hearts. Even when many things fall apart, you can find a reason to smile. Keep on loving.
For a long time, I couldn’t write. I’d pop in, write something small then disappear. Coming up with authentic posts felt forced. Offering my thoughts and opinions on a relationship dynamic that I couldn’t seem to get right myself, felt wrong. How can I offer anything, when I was failing at many of the things I was talking about?
I am not a failure though. My marriage is stronger than before. We have been through some tough times. Nearly relationship ending. There were so many things we did right to protect our marriage.
My partner and I have a bond that is very rare. Our nearly 30 years together has created a trust and love that has stood strong through so many tests.
One of the first things we did when deciding to completely open our marriage was get a good therapist. One who understood the complexities of consensual non-monogamy.
Our therapist was well versed in polyamory, kinks, and all sorts of relationship dynamics. In fact, they were polyamorous themselves. This made it so easy to talk through things and feel we were being heard, understood, and guided correctly.
Another thing that helped us was beginning to truly encourage each other’s autonomy. Not just in relationships. Also, with hobbies and personal interests. Encouraging growth in each other to help us be better together.
We became more self-aware and better at arguing constructively instead of destructively. Listening to understand before speaking out of anger or emotion.
This takes work though. Work we both wanted to put in. We don’t always get it right, but we continue to try.
There will be times when, as a couple, you will face challenges. These challenges will either end things or give you a reason to fight. If you’re both willing to work on yourselves, so you can be better together, then you’re on a good path.
My partner has lost interest in the LS community, like so many we’ve seen lately. Not to say they won’t return at some point. They’ve had it with too many situations involving people who lack honesty, empathy and clear communication.
People become the destroyers of their own communities. This past year has brought in-fighting and division, deceit and classlessness. Many relationships ended. Including some long-standing marriages, polycules, and couples. These are the types of breakups that shocked some of us. Of course, many times things are not what they seem. We all have our public persona.
When break ups like some of these occur, it makes us wonder. Are the intentions of many entering non-monogamy simply to find a replacement? Or a last resort hoping to “fix” their relationship? It’s almost as if they are “quiet quitting” their relationship.
On the other hand, some singles in the community seem to use it as their healing playground. They play until they are ready to find a mono relationship again. Then they leave behind a wake of confusion to those who took them seriously. While others are simply hoping to fuck someone’s wife though offer very little to the couple’s dynamic.
We’ve had to learn to let go. We’ve learned when to give up on people who have shown time and time again how little they value us. Some people create their own toxicity and there’s no one that can help them, but themselves.
When we got married, we had already been together almost 10 years. Now at nearly 30 years together. Why would we shatter it all for the unknown? Especially when we can share the unknown instead! Or at least still freely explore it.
We haven’t been to many parties lately. We did attend a meet and greet for a newer group. They were a break-off from another group due to differences of opinion or some disagreement. I am not aware of the details so I can’t really speak on that.
Their events have been close to home. That is great. The attendees are a plethora of hot 20-50s who seem to love to drink and party. So much so, that following one recent event, there were allegedly some pills found on the floor of the establishment.
The venue was frustrated that many only wanted waters. The bar shuts down to the public for these events. They hope to pull a strong profit from a captured audience. Unfortunately, certain drugs do not mix with alcohol and the attendees know this. It is good that people want to party safely. However, it is better to make sure the bar turns a profit. We want them to continue to allow these meets to happen. Definitely don’t leave evidence.
The hosts and admins of the group handled things pretty quickly though. They have more meets happening. We will make our way back to one eventually.
Though fun, in general, meet n greets are not our thing. When we went, we saw people we knew. Including some people we’d rather not see. The community can be extremely small. There were also many people we had never seen before. There’s definitely been an influx of new faces.
We had a few beverages. Some laughs. Smoked some buds. All in all, a fun night out.
Nothing that brought my partner the urge to get back out there. They’re content reading books and spending time with family and our dogs.
Their outlook and overall feelings of being consensually non-monogamous has not changed. We will continue to encourage each other’s autonomy however that looks for us.
There are people waiting when ready. They get messages from past play partners, trying to get them to come out. They’ve stood pretty firm on their boundaries! Which is awesome. Exercising that right to say, “Nah I’m good”
It is always OK to say, “No”
I’ve met a few people here and there myself. Extremely kind and caring individuals who, as of now don’t seem to have hidden agendas. My guard is up though. I am still going out from time to time open to whatever comes my way. That said I am not actively seeking another relationship. At least not at the moment.
In the meantime, I have found my way back here. Now, with much more experience in navigating consensual non-monogamy. I feel confident I can authentically share my perspective and hopefully help someone along the way.
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If you have any questions or topics you would like to cover, please reach out.
If you’re interested in being in a non-monogamous relationship, ask yourself:
What does it bring to you that will enhance what you already have?
What do we hope to gain both individually and as a couple?
From the time we met until now, Lily and I have been through hell and back together several times. Being able to withstand so many trials and tribulations, and still come out together, stronger each time is a true testament to the power of our love.
Saturday morning, I learned my stepfather does not have much longer on this planet. Though he is my stepfather, he has been in my life since I was nine. My biological father was and still is always there for us, but I grew up 1400 miles away from him. My stepfather was there daily.
We’ve known all year this was coming. He was diagnosed with pre-leukemia nearly a year ago, but now it’s gone full force. The doctors can’t keep his platelets up and the treatments are an extreme stress on his body. Unfortunately, due to unrelated issues with his respiratory system failing, bone marrow transplants or chemo are not options. His body would not withstand either.
So I got the call that they will be suspending treatments and potentially going to hospice. He has been given 30 days. He called myself and my other three brothers individually so he could tell us himself.
His 70th is in February. This whole thing is hard to wrap my head around. When I was young, we had our share of battles. He never hit me, or any of us, but he had a tendency to be overbearing. The school of tough love. Our mother handled the affection in the household while he coldly ran the home with an iron fist.
He smoked cigarettes, fished, watched football and kept his lawn on point. Your stereotypical gun loving, no bullshit, hard nosed conservative. He’d pace in the garage, all 325 lbs of him, fidgeting with random items he needed to fix or polishing his John Deere mower. At 6’2″ He is a man you don’t miss. Loud mouthed, often to the point of obnoxious. He’d strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
Writing this, I am not sure of the point. It doesn’t really fit into swinging or the lifestyle, but I’ve been in an internal struggle, this year especially to free myself and Lily of all social constructs. To be open and free to be who we are. Or at least who I am.
I feel like once he goes, there is less holding me back. I never felt I lived up to his standard of “manliness”. I am a dreamer, a lover. I was a small framed, emotionally charged punk rock kid who bucked the system at every turn. To me, as a teen, he was the system. He was the figurehead of everything I hated about society. The jocks and tough kids who made us feel like outcasts. Made us fear being anything other than cookie cutter “normal”, simply to fit in and go with the flow.
Of course, there are still my brothers. They have tendency to latch on to anything that is different and not let you forget it. Recently, in a stupid error of cut and paste, I inadvertently sent them a link to our Instagram. Some of you may recall this. We thought for sure I had outed us. My explanation was that it was a site of one of the suspected swingers in our neighborhood and the link had been saved in my clipboard because a friend sent it to me when they had stumbled upon it, proving these hedonistic summer pool dwellers were sharing and swapping. Then I quickly removed the link destination so it would come back unable to locate should they actually click on it. They didn’t really bring it up again, though I am not sure they believed me. The jury is still out on that one.
That is our society who we feel judged by, and we create our visible reality based on what we feel safe for the majority of the world to see.
As we head into 2022, we continue to face trials within our relationships and ourselves, but we work together to truly live our best life. This will not be a “New Year, new me” situation, but a realization that we have grown into something most will not understand. The biggest take away is in the grand scheme of things, “most” do not matter. They live their life how they choose. We should all do the same. Perhaps we are the ones who are getting it right. Perhaps their “right”, is not the same as ours.
Now that we have become polyamorous and not simply swingers, this fantasy world has become our day-to-day reality. It feels inauthentic hiding our true identity to those we love most, but the world they were brought up in and how they understood it simply does not mesh with our progressive ideas and values. Think about it though, we have relationships outside of our marriage that are very real, but we hide them for fear of other’s perceptions. What are we so afraid of? Lily and I still are very much in love and now we are able to share love with others. How does this make those dating us feel? They shouldn’t be hidden like we are ashamed to be with them.
So, we wait. Knowing my stepdad is completely conscious and cognoscente of the fate that lies before him is difficult to imagine. Does he have regrets? Did he live his life the way he felt was true to him? These are questions only he can answer. We do love him and don’t fault him for anything. I did have a decent childhood and we now get along pretty well. He instilled in me a sense of pride in my work and a take-no-shit attitude. As of today, he will be admitted to hospice. Being that he was only making it about two weeks in between transfusions, we can only assume his end will be fairly soon.
As with any end, there is new beginning. We shed our past to allow us the freedom to focus on the present and create a better future. The future here will be the Unapologetic Podcast coming in 2022. A platform that will bring to light the life we’ve chosen, our views to the forefront and give a voice to those who don’t buy into the relationship conservatism we were forced to value for so long.
We know this is not the most sexy post, but it’s raw and real. Death is a reminder to live! Whatever you may be dealing with, whether relationship turmoil, self confidence, or just simply having a bad day, as long as you’re alive, you have the ability to change your story. It’s not too late until it is. If you’ve read this whole thing we truly appreciate it. Sometimes things need to be put out there so they can be let go to relieve the stress, sadness, and negativity.
We hope you will continue to read our blog as well as get involved in the podcast when it’s released. The first interview has been lined up and we are so excited to get started! In this world of Swingtok, more and more people are realizing non-monagomy is not so abnormal. Everyone deserves to live without shame or guilt. Remember, it’s your life!
Why do we torture ourselves? Two are high school sweethearts, just having celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We are very much in love and yet, here we are. Going on dates, or trying to, anyways. Why? People like us, out there on dates!? Many of us weren’t any good at it in high school or college. So, here’s an idea. How about now we get out there and bring all the self-doubt, fears of rejection, and potential heartbreak back into our lives? Like, literally what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck is wrong with us? There’s got to be a common thread. A vine of some sort that links us all, intertwined in these taboos, this, “alternative” relationship world. But, what?
The way it grows, expands and takes over is fascinating. There seems to be a progression to which you are no longer touching your toes in the water. You’re performing full on somersault swan dives into the deep end. People look to you for answers. They want to know where the best parties are. They want to get in.
It all really comes back to boundaries and how far you are willing to push your own. In the beginning, it was how far we could push them as a couple. Overall, it still is, but we have reached a point of comfort and freedom where we are able to individually explore any avenue we feel might nourish our existence.
Don’t mistake comfort for a mundane old relationship that has lost its spontaneity and luster, forcing us to look beyond each other for gratification. We have created a completely safe and accepting extension to the already amazing bond we share.
Recently, I’ve been talking with someone who has been in my life since I was 13 years old. My first kiss. My first love. Sure, maybe it was puppy love, but even at 13 we were together for about a year. Which is longer than even most adult relationships these days. Now a grown woman, with that same adorable laughter, the same sweet voice, the same beautiful soul. Though we have not seen each other in nearly a decade, the fiery connection we shared in our youth has never completely extinguished. If the opportunity to date her were possible, it could become serious rather quickly. Like pouring gasoline on that flame.
With all this happening, it dawned on me that I have kept in contact with nearly every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Even short relationships, or ones that didn’t end quite as dignified as they could have, we are no longer at odds. Each hold a special place in my heart. Flickers of memories like a film strip of my life, strung together in a sequence of relationships, new love and broken hearts. A simple click on any one of their Facebook profiles instantly brings back a flurry of memories, like opening a time portal.
We are no longer kids. She is married and they are not LS. She is intrigued however. My ethical side tells me to keep things platonic. We are not here to cause collateral damage.
It happens often. A friend with curiosity causing them to ask questions and begin considering a peek into the other side. Sometimes you need a friend to help guide you or at least be there to walk with you into uncharted territory. Other times you are the guide. However, you must be careful not to take advantage of their curiosity. If you are going to bring them into this community, do it with class. Do it at their pace. It must be completely 100% consensual.
We have moments ourselves, where we need guidance. A couple weeks back, I went on an adventure like never before. Some newer friends showed me a world I would not even have considered when we had our typical monogamous marriage.
My point is, once you get to a place where you have your safety and support, you find yourself able to open up and give the same to others. In the end, it all comes down to loving and being loved. Caring for each other as humans should. There is enough hatred and sadness, why create more? Love, and share your love with others.
I literally used to be the one who would walk around and talk about how I hate people and everyone sucks. Realizing now more than ever, hating everyone around you is a sure fire way to leave you isolated.
Perhaps that’s why we have come back to the dating scene. Even though Lily and I have each other, we are rebuilding love we let wilt in our past. We moved a few times around the country, from one coast to the other and back to the middle. This never made it easy to create deep bonds.
A friend was having a rough day a few weeks ago. An argument with a family member left her in tears. She called me. Why? She felt I could be there for her in the moment she needed someone. It was kind of amazing to be needed in that way.
The odd thing is, neither my ex-girlfriend from my teenage years nor my friend in need are even having a sexual relationship with me. I think finding our way into this poly-world has made me start caring about people again! Don’t quote me. I am still not sure how I feel about it and I have a reputation to uphold. I am still an asshole; I promise you that. Maybe it’s old age or life experience. Who knows? It’s like that moment when the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes.
So we get back out there. Some looking for answers and how to break into the LS. Excited, naïve, and filled with dreams of constant sexual gratification. Others look for connections and deeper meaningful lifelong relationships. What ever the case is, we are open and vulnerable again. It makes us feel alive, I suppose.
The same shyness, inadequacies, self doubt we had before still scream in our ears. Every meet and greet we attend and every date we go on, trying to fulfill a need for acceptance and to be loved.
Recently, I was able to go out for a rather short “guys night”. Just to a bar for a few hours, if that. We had the oddest conversation with a couple different ladies. We sat at the corner of a shelf-top railing like table, with our backs facing the bar as we watched Karaoke singers take their turns in the spotlight. Sitting in the center, with Ben to my right and LE to my left, we scanned the bar for potential new friends. Ben was pretty into a game he was playing on his phone but was following the conversation. LE on the other hand seemed to know everyone in the bar, being a bit of a regular.
There was one girl dancing a bit and seemed to be in a friendly mood. LE was able to catch her eye for a moment and motioned for her to come join us. To my surprise she walked over. Her dark hair tied back in a ponytail made her adorable smile and glittery eyes shine in the strobe. She was hesitant but intrigued. Her name escapes me but she wore jeans and a tight black top. Her cellphone stuck out of her back pocket making it difficult to to discern if the shape of her ass was real or simply an optical technological illusion provided by the phone.
LE asked her name and where she was from. She lived not far, but apparently her friend had left her at the behind. Seems to be a common theme I’ve encountered throughout my life. Like the damsel in distress. I always somehow meet the girl who’s friend left them behind. But I digress.
LE inquired about her status. To which she said she was single, though there was a guy at the bar she had met just that night. Bold as he is, LE wasted little time getting to the point; he asked if he would like to come hangout with us and we would take her home. I don’t recall how it came up, perhaps I threw out a comment about Lily or something, but she learned Ben and I were married. Also that both our wives were at home fully aware and ok with us out potentially picking up women. In fact, we explained my situation and having not only a wife, but a “sidepiece” and everyone is good with it. I explained that Lily also dates separately on occasion. She was in shock.
“No, no, no! That’s not right,” she said with a smirk and a glint of curiosity in her eye.
She told us how that’s not how she was raised, and that she is way too jealous for something like that. She laughed it off and told us she was going to stand back at the bar. By that time I needed to catch a buzz. Having a bowl and weed in my pocket, for medicinal purposes of course. I jumped up, walked over to her and asked if she smoked.
She said, “yes.” I followed with “do you want to smoke with me?”
Another yes, and she followed me to the door. Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying anything with her, but my curiosity was in her point of view. What was so wrong about my marriage and our situation as husband and wife?
We smoked and discussed it. She told me it’s not something that she thinks is wrong, but that she just is too jealous and it would never work for her. That was good enough for me. At least she didn’t think me to be some kind of monster. On one hand I don’t care how others feel about it, but also see it as a moment to offer a different perspective on relationships that perhaps before they really didn’t understand.
We smoked the bowl and talked about the basics, where she grew up, etc. Once finished, we headed back in and she went off to dance with the guy she had met earlier.
Ben and LE, looked at me with wonder, likely thinking something had happened between the vanilla and I. Last they saw me make a move to talk to her and head out the door with her. I suppose I could have made up a decent tale of how she sucked me off behind the building, or I bent her over a car, but I simply told them the truth.
Last call came and people began to head out in groups. A gorgeous blond, my kryptonite, passed by with her man in tow after leaving the pool table. Her tight jeans outlined her curves in all the right places and we gawked as men do, though LE was not so enticed. He told me of a run in he had with her. Apparently he did not think highly of her.
At that moment as another group of patrons passed by, LE reached out to another blond who was talking loudly about going to the casino and how she is out partying with her daughter. She gave her daughter a hug and told her she would see her at the casino and to my disbelief was pulled in by LE’s uncanny ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She stood next to me in the same spot as the last girl, talking across me to LE. There was bit of small talk until they landed on something of interest. She mentioned briefly how she moved from California. Lily and I spent the majority of our twenties in Los Angeles. We talked about parts of California we had been and she mentioned having been in a few films. We asked, what sort of films? To which she laughed at the question and skirted around the question. She also talked about her family owning an Island in the Caribbean. At this point we weren’t sure if we were being played or actually speaking to a multi-millionaire, former porn star in a random Missouri suburban bar. With this in mind, we circled back to her “acting” career as the topic of conversation. We thought for sure if this person was open minded enough to participate in sexual acts on camera for pay, she would definitely understand a life like the three of us were a part of.
LE gave her the rundown and asked how she felt about me having a girlfriend and a wife, knowing they were both ok with the arrangement. Her face filled with shock and discomfort, as if I had told her that her partner had cheated! It was an awkward moment. She reacted nearly identical to the previous vanilla, but with more disdain. She said how it was wrong and that is not how relationships should be. She nearly seemed to get upset about it, which was odd as it was not her relationship. She could not get out the door and away from us heathens fast enough.
LE was puzzled by the exchange. He sad, “I can’t believe we just got judged by a fucking porn star.”
In that moment it occurred to me, that we have spent so much time around people with open marriages of some kind and far more open minds, that to be around those who don’t understand our choices, seems almost foreign to us. Feeling like an outcast and perhaps something must be wrong with me, then I recalled the number of like-minded individuals we partied with at National Swingers Weekend 2021 not long ago and know I am not alone. Maybe they are the outcast? Perhaps there are no outcasts. That’s the beauty of it. No one should ever feel ashamed for how they choose to live their lives. We are not all the same. What one does in their personal lives and relationships, does not effect other’s who are not directly involved. We are consenting adults. We know all the risks, and we choose to live this way because it is who we are.
“My choice is what I choose to do and If I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” – Ben Harper
Though his song was referring to my other favorite pastime, it applies to so many other facets of life. We could just as easily judge others and admittingly have. We all cling to what’s familiar. It’s like a security blanket to a toddler. Though some of us see beyond the norm and dare to be different. We push our limits and shift our values to fit how we want our lives to be. After all, we only live it once!
We hope you enjoyed reading and welcome any and all feedback. Having readers at all is a wonderful thing and you are so appreciated. Thank you for allowing us to share our thoughts and our world with you.
There is so much in the works here at Swing Open. Although we don’t have any huge parties lined up, we have gone to several smaller engagements and have also had some very scandalous independent adventures. Lily with her pool party escapade and myself with my sidepiece late night lap dance on a bench on Main Street. We were suppose to attend a hotel party with some friends, but Lily came down with a nasty cold. Instead of anything kinky that weekend, she was in bed while I wrangled the kids all around. We still have so much to unravel and tell about National Swingers Weekend down at the lake, and you won’t want to is that!
Be sure to subscribe and follow all the social medias out there! Now on Instagram and Facebook, @Swingopenmo. Also LE can be followed on Twitter @BBC_lite and Ben and his beautiful Olivia can be also be found on Twitter @BenandOlivia2. Please share your comments, send your questions, and share with your friends. After all, sharing is caring. Thanks again for reading!
How can we? How can any couple, bluefish, or unicorn for that matter, create a life of intensely erotic escapades, fulfilling their deepest desires, through wild sexual adventures, simply, walk away?
We see it all the time. Recently, a couple, I think for the second time since we’ve known them, made a post stating, “We are leaving the Lifestyle!”
But can they? Of course, it is completely their prerogative and there could be a million reasons why they are taking a step back. Don’t get me wrong, taking a break is fairly common in most LS journeys. Perhaps they stumbled upon emotions they, as a couple, were just not prepared to handle. Whatever the reason, it is always a good idea to step back, when needed, and reconnect with your primary partner, or even yourself. That being said, once this world is tapped into, how can anyone go completely back?
Can you?
Completely?
I suppose it depends on how deep you have gone. How far down the rabbit hole have you fallen?
Personally, we struggle with even spending time with vanillas now. Hanging out at the neighborhood pool, listening to the dads drone on and on about 401k’s and the latest video games. Watching them gawk at neighborhood MILFs in bikini’s, knowing they will never touch another body outside of their marriage. Though even intamcy at home is rationed out as a cheap gift on special occasions. They make jokes about how they haven’t had a bj in years, but claim that it’s just part of marriage. It’s exhausting! I want to blurt out, “Not in my marriage!”
It’s just so difficult to be around. We can’t be ourselves. We must be a different version of ourselves anyway. Life is too short to spend it pretending to be someone you’re not. Just more of my “running out of fucks” journey, I suppose.
If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to check out my post on how I am giving up trying to please others or give in to social constructs. Maybe I was baked or just being pissy, but check it out! Running Out of Fucks
One thing we have learned from our recent poly relationships is, once you allow emotion in, it becomes even more difficult to walk away. Sex with someone you care about or share a strong bond with is far more satisfying than any gangbang orgy fuck fest you could attend. Unless you are really into those of course. We do not kink shame here!
Deeper connections become habitual and that becomes the new craving. Beyond sex, beyond kinks or fetishes. Love. It bonds people and gives more profound meaning to relationships.
So, what happens when you try to leave all that behind?
In our experience, it’s causes friction in the primary relationship. Of course, this is going to be different for everyone, but a lot of times we see the same couples who announce their departure, come back months or even years later. Perhaps they felt a part of themselves missing. Often one partner may be the driving force to leave the lifestyle behind, while the other never wanted it to end in the first place.
Perhaps the jealousy they faced was too much of a burden. Maybe they felt their partner’s attention shift and they didn’t like how it left them feeling.
Typically, when a new partner enters the picture, there is a dynamic change. There is a shift that is felt, even if the person who has created the shift doesn’t realize it. It can be as simple as, every day at lunchtime you’d receive a text from your partner but suddenly it happens later in the day, or less often. It’s that new relationship energy and it’s a bitch!
Jealousy is an emotion. It sucks and can make you feel like you’re dying inside, but emotions are triggered by traumas which cause specific reactions from within. Heal the trauma, get to the root of the jealousy and it can be unlearned and controlled. We still have moments ourselves but are getting better at handling our own jealousy.
Jealousy is a fucked-up thing. Personally, it became less of an issue for me as I got older. I would share Lily with friends without a second thought, simply to see her lost in pleasure. Any jealousy issues that were shouting to me, were quickly muffled by the intense sexual afterglow we’d be in. However, when we entered a polyamorous situation, it brought the bitch out of me. I will admit. There were a lot of emotions that welled up in me that I had forgotten were even there.
If you’re unaware, Lily changed our dynamic completely in the beginning of the year, when she fell in love with someone else. She still loved me and didn’t want us to change, but she wanted to have this new boyfriend be a very important part of her life. She nearly cucked me into the situation and, at times in their relationship, she actually did dabble in cuck play. There was little I could do or say because she knew how much it turned me on. We realized it was an exciting new adventure for us and really played into the kink of it. We found it hot and exciting, and it ended up being the thing I’d focus on which helped me to adjust and feel confident that she still loved me and reassured me as we shared in these intense and passionate situations.
At first, when Lily decided she was going to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t too concerned. We had known him for a while before they took it to that level. He was always respectful and treated her good. I saw it like any other fwb for her. But when things turned emotional, I had to check myself pretty quick. It wasn’t easy at first. Not for either of us. Eventually I found someone just to prove I could and, I guess and my own separate relationship took off. But, when Lily’s relationship ended, she felt the jealousy and dynamic shift from me.
After listening to a couple podcasts, working with our therapist, lots of research, like reading The Ethical Slut, we were able to find the tools to deal with the jealousy or the alone moments. Now, instead of feeling uneasy when one of us goes out with someone, we focus on something in our moment. For example, I might use it as an opportunity to blog or play guitar or do just about anything to reconnect with myself. Lily might read or watch an awful dating “reality” show. You can never stop trying to discover yourself. Trust me, there are always new things you can learn. I am living proof of that this year!
The therapist we see is well versed in alternative relationships, ethical non-monogamy and an amazing source of knowledge on all sorts of kinks. If you can find a good therapist to guide you through this journey, we highly recommend it. Don’t go it alone. The tools are out there and available to you. Listen to podcasts that cover this stuff. Talk to friends who have gone through it. Read more blogs like ours. There are plenty of books that help to dive into the topic as well. Hell, message us! We love to chat with people, especially about LS related stuff!
One of my best sources and ear to bend was a mutual friend on Facebook. I reached out to her because I knew from her posts that she was in a polyamorous relationship and had been previously. She’s been a saint with my endless issues and all the questions I’d bother her with. She was so patient and understanding. She had been where I was at some point. Her and her boyfriend make it look so simple and seamless. He is married to another beautiful woman, but their relationships are separate. I believe it’s called a “V”. We are still learning all this. From the outside they look like they have it all together but what we don’t see is all the work that went in to get them to this point. This year they celebrated their one-year anniversary, and we wish them many more.
So, I ask…
again…
Can you go back?
The night I began writing this, Lily was out on a “dick date” as she called it. Their connection could go anywhere. It certainly has all the makings of a relationship beyond simply friends. They seem to like each other. He and I hit it off pretty well also which is always bonus points, because obviously Lily wants us to get along. She is being cautious, however. Her emotions are still pretty raw from the breakup with her ex. Her tolerance for men is dropping daily it seems.
She commented recently, a couple times, “Maybe I should just get a girlfriend!”
So, ladies if you’re reading this, take her out! Show her the fun a basic fuck boy never will.
I wonder if she could ever have a girlfriend. She certainly is attracted to women. She occasionally craves their soft touch and gentle kisses, but at the end of the day, she is all about cock. Let’s be real here. We are who we are.
One thing I’ve noticed is, her always meeting single men. Her and I have discussed this. Sure, there are some who are genuine and probably would make excellent boyfriends, but most of these single guys are single for a reason it seems. Either they don’t want to commit, or no one wants to commit to them. On the other hand, dating someone single has its benefits. Currently I am seeing someone, and we have nowhere to go if we want to be intimate. Both of us have families at home while we are out.
I also see a single girl as well. She is the same girl I left standing in the rain in front of a bar a few months ago. I know it sounds awful. I did offer a ride home. I also broke things off abruptly when we were at the bar, so I get why she didn’t want to get in a car with me. So, she waited for an Uber as I walked in the rain back to my car.
I had to do it. It was clear that nothing was going to work at that moment. Lily and I were not emotionally prepared for polyamory. It became painfully obvious to everyone involved at the time. If we didn’t put a stop to it all, things may have turned ugly. And she knew that. We all did.
Now, however, after several sessions with our amazing therapist, many meaningful conversations with each other, Lily and I are much better at managing these emotions.
We realized, and both admitted, we couldn’t go back to just being swingers. We’re definitely not going to be monogamous. We both enjoy this all too much and it fulfills a part of us that is needed.
Don’t get me wrong, with all the swinger events we attend, casual play is still a very big part of us. After all, we are sluts. But now we can delve deeper into passions and connections to allow for something more profound and real to be built.
My “Side Piece,” as she refers to herself as of late, has been amazing to spend time with since some burdens were lifted. We picked right up where we left off and things have been pretty great. We don’t have a label. Haven’t really discussed one too much this time. I don’t think there are any real expectations. We simply live in the moment. We see each other about once a week or when we can. We might go to a nice dinner and to a bar, or just have a peaceful evening at her place with a bottle of wine. Either way we always seem to enjoy our time together. Our focus is only on each other. Not work, not kids, not anything else. That is our time. That is how we try to approach connections with others now. We allow them to rise naturally to whatever they may become, and we put our focus in the moment as much as possible.
Now we really can’t go back. Once that emotional bridge is crossed, the bridge falls behind and you must be real, raw, and open to whatever comes. Find new ways to deal with emotions. If you’ve done the work and your primary foundation is strong, it can be amazing.
I remember my Facebook consigliere told me that “Couples privilege” sucks. I didn’t know what that meant right away. But now I totally get it. That single person, on the outside of the relationship is very real. They have emotions and needs like the rest of us. At the end of the day, they usually don’t go to sleep with the person they care about. They only get a small portion, but they learn to be content, and gracious. They deserve to have their voice recognized.
Things are much different now. We even went out for drinks, the three of us. Lily, side piece and me. What a surreal moment. My gorgeous wife to my left, an old fashioned in my hand, and my beautiful, “side piece,” to my right. We laughed and talked about everything. We were able to all find common ground. For starters, for God only knows why, they both want to spend time with me.
In awkward moments I was able to entertain them with my randomness. We had a good laugh at my expense as I dripped sauce down the front of my shirt from the fried pickles we shared. They found more common ground in their agreement on how clumsy and forgetful I can be. At one point, the discussion turned to how much weed I smoke. Things were getting out of hand! I thought I was about to have an intervention or something! We also talked about our children and how close they are in age. We hope to get everyone together soon. We could have a barbecue and let the kids run around. Things we never thought we would be comfortable with.
We will continue to follow this path. There are ups and downs and we will make a million mistakes, but Lily and I love who we’ve become. We are who we are, and we can’t go back.
This weekend we both have separate dates planned, so long as our kids don’t get us sick with their colds. I’m supposed to go to a concert with the side piece and Lily to a party with her boyfriend. So far, I am 0-1 on trying to make it to a concert this year. I had tickets go to waste after our kids got me sick just days before. By the time any of you read this, we should know whether I remained healthy and made it to the concert.
We appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings. Please share your thoughts. Can you go back to vanilla life? Will you get to a point where you feel you are too old and it’s time to put the toys away?
If you made it this far you might as well subscribe because the adventures will continue! In fact, We just returned from National Swingers Weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, MO! Such an amazing time! We have so many stories and pictures to share, so you won’t want to miss out!
Thanks for reading!
National Swingers Weekend 2021 Lake of the Ozarks, Mo
We have learned so much about ourselves by exploring our sexuality together. Not so long ago our feelings about sex, sexual desires and what turned us on looked completely different from what they are today.
A few years ago, I posted a question in a local Facebook group we are a part of. A question I thought was straight forward, but have learned the answers were anything but conclusive.
The question was simply, “Are you more dominant or more submissive?”
From my naïve perspective at the time, it seemed like a very black and white, night and day question. You had to be one or the other, no?
I couldn’t have been any further from reality.
Many commented that they are switch, depending on the situation.
Switch? It never occurred to me that someone could be both. Exploring multiple dynamics seemed so alluring. So simple but profound.
Still I wanted clear answers. Ultimately I was actually trying to find out which women in the group were submissive, to be honest. Another naivety. Assuming that just being submissive, perhaps would make them easily be submissive to me. Again, completely wrong!
I rephrased the question in a way to guide them to a precise answer. Urged them to pick a side! Everyone had to have a side, right?
Wrong again! I get it now. There are so many variants to sexual play that it makes complete sense that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual desires could be any part of the spectrum at any given time.
Desires change and evolve. You can choose to hold back or free yourself to safely explore where things may take you. If it’s something in the end you find you don’t like, you can always stop doing it.
For example, you may not be interested in anal play, but your partner wants you to try it with them. Are you curious? Does part of your mind whisper, “maybe you’ll love it.” If it does, give it a try. The worse thing that could happen is you try something and you dislike it. If that happens, communicate it right away. Talk to your partner. Be honest about what specifically you didn’t like. Perhaps there is an adjustment that could be made. Otherwise, if it’s not for you, that is perfectly fine! No one is required to perform any level of sexual acts.
Typically, it seems women will play the submissive role. I personally love submissive women. One of the reasons I married Lily. But you must remember, and what I have learned is, just because someone is submissive, does not mean they will submit to just anyone, at least not completely. They must have trust in their partners. This trust must be built up in order to allow someone who is naturally submissive to completely come out of their shell. That or if they orgasm, then all bets are off! At least that is how Lily operates. In the end though, honesty and trust help everyone to feel safe to try new things without fear of ridicule.
This all starts to get into the BDSM community a bit. I am not even going to pretend to know much about BDSM, but I am learning. Some of my new kinks and fetishes definitely dabble in that kink community. I would love to learn more. I hope to share more with all of you.
There is an event coming up this weekend, “Beat Me in St. Louis.” See what they did there? Unfortunately we will not be able to attend. There is no way we can get that many days without kids. Perhaps in the future.
Advertised as a three day fully immersive event. All the Kink and BDSM you could ask for. They have seminars and educational presentations. It will be completely “Vanilla-Free.” Sounds like one hell of an event and a great way to learn a lot at once about the BDSM community.
Find more information for the event by following the link here, https://beatmeinstl.com/
If you happen to go, send pics or just a short paragraph of your favorite thing about the event or even if there were things you didn’t like, share those too. We would love to hear all about it!
Getting back to submissive people, women don’t always play this part. In fact it is pretty common to have a female Dominatrix, or Domme. Gender really plays no part in who is the dominant one.
I have started to explore my submissive side this year and have discovered some amazing erotic feelings that I never knew existed. It is fascinating to allow your inhabitations go and truly immerse yourself in the moment. Submission is not giving up all control. In fact, the submissive has the most power of all. They carry the power to control how far their dominant counterpart may take them. They are the lead character in their sexual adventure.
Allowing myself to switch has given me some of the most highly erotic experiences ever. I still love to be dominant, but in the right moments I am happy to switch.
As I have said in the past, I am really trying to cut ties with all labels as much as possible. Why should they matter? Labels only serve to organize you into subsets or groups. Without labels, you are free to flow naturally from one experience to the next, without guilt or misunderstandings. No hierarchy needs to be created amongst you and your partners. Be dominant, be submissive, be anything that feels right at any moment.
You should try to let go if you have not done so before, become the submissive. Allow yourself the experience of relinquishing your control. If you do this, feel free to report back! Tell us all the dirty details!
Having a partner who explores your sexual desires and helps to push your boundaries definitely is a bonus; some may not have a partner, we know. There are so many singles in these scenes and you can absolutely get in. Of course, women are rarely turned away. You’d have to have really fucked up good if you are a female blacklisted from anything Lifestyle related. Or if you happen to be the single bluefish, just remember this, be yourself, be respectful. I know Lily has a few bluefish she is thankful to have met and have in our lives. We have one paying her a visit tonight.
A lot has happened with us and there is so much I need to catch everyone up on. Topics to come include, “We’re Poly Now?” We will tell all about our first poly relationships and how we struggled to maintain our life while dealing with jealousy and other issues we did not see coming. We plan to discuss cuckolding, including adventures we have explored. Such hot, intense experiences. Perhaps give some details on the “punishment” Lily received in which a friend and I delayed her orgasm several times before fucking her to multiple orgasms.
What else…? Oh! We have decided to jump on the Only Fans train and give it a shot. Why not? We have the equipment and the means to do it. It’s the consistency we lack. Perhaps with Lily being more the focal point of an Only Fans it will drive her to help me be consistent. We shall see. If we ever get accepted.
Picture from www.Lifeinstylestl.com
Also, BIIIIIG NEWS! We are going to National Swingers Weekend 2021 with the LifeinStyLe STL Group! Can NOT wait! Four nights on a lake property with hundreds, perhaps thousands of swingers and lifestyle party goers. There is entertainment every day with dinners and nightly themed parties! We missed last year but are so happy and excited to be a part of it this year!
As always, please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions or opinions you’d like to relay, or if you just want to talk to someone like minded. We love talking to people from all over and learning about what works for them in this Lifestyle and what we can perhaps take away for ourselves.
To all our followers, thanks for bearing with us. You are very much appreciated! To those who perhaps stumbled upon this, please follow. We promise, it won’t be boring. At least, we will try not to let it be boring. Until next time!
We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.
There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜
This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.
Also, there is a presidential election this year.
We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.
We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.
So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.
Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.
This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.
I know we’ve done this.
We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.
They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.
Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.
We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.
We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.
We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.
We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.
Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.
Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.
Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.
If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.
Okay, so things are getting behind. Why the hell are we always getting sick!? UUUGGGH…Oh yeah we are parents! lmao.
That’s right we are two basic ordinary parents who have jobs, vanilla events, girls scouts, soccer, and all kinds of ordinary but also amazing parts of our lives.
We are also happy to have a naughty, sexy, frisky side that we cherish. It’s important in our marriage to maintain this balance. The Lifestyle has always made us feel closer to each other. It’s a bond only we share. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain and we get wrapped up in our everyday lives, but we try our best.
Now…I know…The next blog entry was suppose to cover the rest of Lifeinstyle’s sexy Spa Takeover we attended back in the summer but we’ve had a writer’s block set back to be honest. Trying to figure the best way to describe certain aspects of the event and give it the amazing colorful depiction it deserves. It is in the works and will be released soon! However, time is rushing by and we have released nothing. The show must go on!
We recently went to a Meet n Greet. We are learning these are not really for us. While we saw some familiar faces, we find it difficult to get into small talk. We suck at it. Plus it was at a bar where they were having a karaoke night. Surprisingly some of the singers had pretty great voices.
We got there slightly later than the event start time. There weren’t too many people there and the only person I recognized immediately was the event coordinator. We paid our entry and got a drink.
We hadn’t had dinner however. We planned to get it there which we realized quickly was a terrible idea! All these sexy people around and we were going to scarf down some greasy bar food? Yep, we are awesome like that!
We held off a bit on the food and grabbed a beer for me, and Lily’s favorite Malibu and pineapple for her.
This is first issue for us with meet n greets….
We can’t drink much. We usually have a sitter at home and we don’t need to end up so intoxicated that we can’t make it back.
The event coordinator came up to the bar next to us and we recognized him from Facebook pictures so I said hello!
He was extremely friendly. He asked if we were new to the Lifestyle which everyone seems to think we are but we are not. We give off that vibe since we can often be shy in large groups. We do better in smaller intimate settings.
We talked about other events coming up like the Good Vibrations NYE party. We have yet to go to a Good Vibrations event, but do want to check one out eventually. From what we have heard, they often have a ballroom at a hotel then a whole floor for an after hours party where clothes are NOT allowed.
We told him we were suppose to go to the LifeinStyle NYE party but that we would like to go to one of their events someday. He introduced us to his wife and some friends. They were all so friendly.
We decided at that point to order some food because we had to eat something. We split some appetizers and got another drink.
As we awaited our order we scanned the room which was quickly filling. A couple next to us had said hello and we said hi back but it didn’t go beyond that. They seemed nice but there still has to be some attraction. This is where it gets awkward for us. We don’t want to be rude to anyone, but we either have an attraction or don’t, and the people who approach us first usually aren’t the ones we are attracted to. Which in turn makes us wonder if those we are attracted to just aren’t attracted to us and thus begins the introverted conflict inside us which freezes us to our spot and keeps us from going after who we are attracted to. It’s a vicious cycle!
It’s tough because when at an event like this there is minimal time to make connections and if there is no attraction it’s difficult to spend time involved in conversation with someone where there is no intentions of taking it further. It feels shallow to think that way but let’s be honest, we are here to find people to get naked with and if we don’t feel it we don’t want to waste the time cultivating a relationship. I assume we aren’t the only couple who feel this way and I am sure there are couples who feel that way about us even. We don’t want to lead people on in a dragged out conversation while barely listening and scanning the room with our other eye for an out. This is just another reason why we are awful at this kind of thing. Hopefully someone can tell us we aren’t awful shallow assholes because while typing this, I kind of feel like we are!
A few of our friends did show up however. We were standing near the door as it swung open and in stumbled a beautiful smiling Kate with her man Adam close behind! If you read LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1 you will recall these two. If not, go read it. Part two is coming, I promise!
We were heading over to grab a table to wait for our food. They had some sexy friends with them who they introduced us to but we don’t really recall their names.
We have got to get better about that!
They joined us briefly when our food arrived and we even shared some with them. There was a lot more than we anticipated. We made some small talk about the singers and that we were happy at least someone was there we knew. They left us to our meal and ran off to mingle.
After we finished up we headed back to the bar to grab another drink and realized two things, one, everyone was talking to someone and there were many circles that had been created. The very few people we knew were involved in conversation. Adam always had his arm around a lady and not always the same one. Which was inspirational. The other thing we realized is that we can get involved in a conversation and push our way in but then where does that lead? This was a bar. We have long been over the bar scene. There is no where to play if it did lead somewhere. As a rule we don’t bring play dates to the house. Our dogs would bark and the kids would wake up. I try to push a little on this rule to be bent, but Lily so far has been stead-fast on keeping it in place.
We walked around a bit more checking out the old dive bar. Stepped outside to see the two fire pits with more circles of people in conversation.
It was cold out as it tends to be during November in the Midwest so we headed back in. Adam, Kate, and their entourage had left or stepped out at least, and we were getting a little bored.
As we eluded to before, when we go out to do lifestyle related activities we don’t like to waste time. Sitter’s aren’t cheap and time slips by quickly. We want to get as naughty as possible. Knowing that Lily enjoys being watched and as hot as she was looking that night we decided it was time to go find some naughty. Off to the strip club we went.
She was dressed in a flowing floral skirt which came down on her shoulders leaving them bare and wanting to be kissed. Her new black leather boots climbed her calves to her knees. She looked so sexy that night.
We pulled into the familiar gavel filled lot and made our way to the door. This particular club has a special room in the back for couples. Anything goes in this lounge and we have had quite a few hot nights on the couches back there.
We ordered a drink at the bar and headed to the couples lounge.
As soon as we entered one of the people involved in those hot nights popped up from a near by couch to greet us.
Miranda is an early twenties self proclaimed unicorn. Though I don’t think she can really call herself that because she has a boyfriend. She is perky with her blond hair and long legs. Her breasts are large and perky. She is a bit quirky and as we found out before, sometimes doesn’t shave her legs but always her pussy which is a little odd, but she is still sexy, fun, and totally bi!
Even though she trimmed her hair we immediately knew who she was. Lily and her had taken turns eating each other’s pussy earlier in the summer and they had taken turns blowing me and her boyfriend.
Lily was always a little bothered by that incident. She wanted mainly to play with Miranda when we first met. Miranda had being going on and on about being a unicorn but then suddenly her boyfriend was there. Though he was a nice enough guy, he was not really her type and she felt like she ended up in a position she didn’t really want to be in.
This can be tough in the lifestyle. That is why we have learned you have to set clear boundaries and if both of us are not into it then nothing is going to happen.
This time however was different. Lily was feeling naughty but other than a bit of leg rubbing on each other, she wasn’t feeling it and just wanted her time with me. We went down to watch the strippers a bit. They are rather lazy at this particular club. They don’t interact much with patrons and are only mildly attractive.
It was getting late so we headed back to the lounge area.
We sat on the black leather couch while other strangers around were sucking or fucking each other. Lily wanted to put on a little show. She straddled me on the couch and we started making out. he was grinding against my cock through my jeans. I slid both hands around her waist and pulled up her skirt giving the guy sitting across from me a perfect view of her nice round ass. I reached up and pulled her dress top down in the front exposing her perfectly plump breasts and started running my tongue between them.
We always get hot knowing others are watching. She knelt down and pulled my cock out and began sucking it like the little slut she can be. Greedily sucking and slobbering over it like her life depended on getting my cum out.
A group of people came in and went right into a loud conversation. Her head continued to bob up and down ignoring them like a good girl as they sat at the other end of the couch. I could feel the cum building and was almost there. I grabbed the back of her head thrusting my cock deep to the back of her throat causing her to gag. She stopped for a moment leaving me just on edge. She pulled back giggling that my cock went too deep. She went back to work but with all the commotion I had lost it. The conversation around us and the constant beeping coming through the thin wall from people entering and exiting the building made it difficult to focus.
We composed ourselves and decided it was time to head home. Although we didn’t get any playtime with a couple, we enjoyed our sexy naughty time we had together. After the hour ride home and paying the sitter to send her on her way, we ravished each other.
That night we decided we are going to stick to parties that have playrooms and meeting couples or select singles. We have much better odds in those situations.
Part 2 of Lifeinstyles Spa Takeover is coming, I swear! I intend to be more consistent with this and try to give at least something every couple weeks. If you like what you read please share and click the follow button so you won’t miss any steamy details.
Holy shit! What a night! So many sexy people and not nearly enough time. We attended our first hotel takeover and it was out-fucking-standing!!
We found out about this party on C4P.com. If you are not a member of C4P we definitely recommend you become one.
We were actually supposed to go to a different hotel takeover that our friends from Do you drink and swing? offered to share their room but after talking to the hosts of LifeinStyle and others on twitter who have attended their parties in the past, we thought this was one we had to be at! It also would push us out of our comfort zone a bit which is a must for any couple exploring the LS.
Unfortunately we made the decision to go a little too late so there were no available rooms left at the hotel and we had to settle for the motel 3 miles away. Next time we will be sure to get in on the rooms early!
We can’t say enough good things about the hosts! We had been talking to Vinny and Sabine on twitter recently and they were so helpful in getting us all set up to be at the party. They promised it would be a great time and they did NOT disappoint.
The festivities took place at a Spa Hotel and everyone was to come dressed for a pool party. Lily spent weeks going back and forth on what she would wear. She bought a sexy black one piece but as always began to question her choice so she bought some bikini bottoms also and a see through black cover up. I thought both were sexy.
We were so excited the week leading up to it. Just seeing some of the hot couples who were going to be there on the attendance list had us charged up! It seemed as if the weekend would never arrive.
We spoke to a few other attendees trying to spark up a possibility or just to get to know people we could talk to once we were there. As mentioned this would be a major step out of our comfort zone. It is always exciting to challenge ourselves to make new connections.
The day finally arrive. Our kids were going to their grandma’s for the night. We told them we got a hotel near our house just for a night out to celebrate our 14 year anniversary. We had the car packed and headed out about an hour later than we wanted to. We didn’t want to get to the party first but we did want to get there somewhat early. Plus we still had to go to our hotel room to get ready before.
We made it to the hotel at around 3:30 pm and got settled in. The room was acceptable but certainly no Hilton. There didn’t seem to be many people there and we began to wonder if we were the only ones at the motel and not the main spa hotel the party was to be at.
We unpacked and threw on some music while we took showers and groomed to try to look our best for the party. I had the easy job only having to wear a swimsuit and a t-shirt while Lily settled on starting out in the black one piece. Wish I had remembered to take pictures!
All cleaned up and trying to look our best we were ready to head over. There was a shuttle offered which was wonderful to help avoid drinking and driving. We decided to just drive ourselves over figuring not to get too drunk anyway. We didn’t want a repeat of what happened in Do you drink and swing?
We arrived at the venue. Located in a small town in Southern Illinois the Spa Hotel was an older building that appeared to be prime for big events like weddings. Again it seemed dead in the little town though and we questioned if we were in the right place but seeing another couple, walking up with their “swinger bag” in tow and looking a little confused alike us, we knew it had to be the spot.
We walked up the old stairs to a double door which took a few yanks to pry open. As we entered the main lobby it was clear we were definitely in the right spot. Standing at the table was a sexy black vixen. At first she was unable to find our name. I thought the guy standing next to her may have been Vinny but he said he was not. Let’s call them Adam and Kate. Adam is tall muscular guy with a beard. Lily has a thing for him I think. Kate is a gorgeous exotic looking woman with sultry eyes, a beautiful smile and a sexy body. After looking it over they realized we were on the “other” list. We weren’t sure what that meant and thought maybe we were in a special group but later found out it just meant we weren’t staying at the hotel.
After getting checked in and getting our wristbands they told us where to go. Just down the hall around the corner opened into a large indoor pool courtyard area. There was a restaurant to one side and rooms overlooking the pool. On the far side of the pool they had a bar stand set up serving just about any cocktail you would need. The staff was so friendly and attentive. We immediately went to get a drink. They had specials on pinacoladas so we grab one of those. It was about 4:30 or 5 at this point. The drinks were very strong and went down pretty easy so we had to pace ourselves.
At first we sipped our drinks glancing around at the couples. Little groups seemed to be forming. Many people already knew each other. Just then we recognized Vinny from his tattoos and he noticed us as well. He was just as friendly and outgoing in person as he had been on twitter. He let us know where we could put our bag and gave us a little run down of the evening but had to get back to host duties.
We walked into the pool area with our drinks and noticed another couple we had been talking to on twitter. These two had highly recommended the Lifeinstyle parties. They listen to many of the same LS podcasts we do. We approached them to say hello and introduce ourselves. They were involved in a game of cards against humanities. They had a couple of friends from Florida with them. It was amazing how far people came for this party. They were friendly and cordial. We had wanted to meet them since we had talked a bit. Not necessarily as a couple to play with though we certainly wouldn’t turn down the invitation. We didn’t want to be intrusive but asked if we could join their group and sit down. In retrospect we wish we hadn’t done that because there was a slight awkward moment where it didn’t seem we were welcome. I think they only had a short amount of time with their out-of-town friends so they didn’t want to waste it. Which totally makes sense. Either way we felt a little out-of-place for a moment.
We exchanged a bit of small talk and were relieved when more couples began to show up. There was a super sexy couple John and Liz. Liz was covered in glitter and rubbing it off on anyone and anything she touched. John was very friendly, outgoing, and as I called him later a bit of an instigator. In a good way though. They definitely knew how to party. Lily mentioned several times to me how she thought Liz was “fucking hot”. She definitely was.
The conversation and drinks were flowing. We began to feel a little more at ease since Liz and John were so outgoing. Also by this point Kate and Adam had shown up and they apparently were close friends of theirs. We felt this was the group we had to get to know. Liz asked if anyone wanted to smoke some weed. I was totally down for that. We all went back to their room, Kate and Adam, Liz and John, and Lily and I.
We smoked a bit and had more good conversation. As I said they already knew each other quite well. Next thing we knew Kate and Liz were walking around topless which we did not mind at all! They both had gorgeous breasts and sexy bodies. I forget how it happened but Kate gave a suck on Liz’s nipples and someone suggested Lily have a taste of the other. She was happy to oblige. Such a hot scene as Liz stood with a sexy lady licking on each nipple. John and Adam pointed out that Lily was the only one who still had her top on. Everyone wanted that to change. There was some teasing and negotiating to get her to show more. Lily loved the attention but always plays hard to get. Finally she gave in and flashed her beautiful breasts.
After a bit more smoking we finally all headed back out to the party and to get more drinks. Lily and I discussed getting some dinner but we didn’t want to miss anything. As we sat by the pool we noticed some of the party goers had taken their tops off and there were breasts on display everywhere. It was amazing!
We were told on the third floor there was a play room and also just down the hall was the a special room for a main event later, the “gang bang room”! We had already asked in the week leading up to the party if we could get entrance to watch. Lily was intrigued to see this live. I think she wants one herself if you ask me but just not ready for that level. We saw people going upstairs quite often and didn’t know if maybe people were already playing so we decided to adventure up ourselves and have a look at the playroom. Just before we headed up we made a stop at the restroom. As I waited in the hall for Lily I met this adorable little wide-eyed girl we have dubbed “The Pixie”. She has a gorgeous tattoo just below her breasts. Firm sexy ass and her energy is contagious. Turns out her and her boyfriend live near us. We met him later.
When we got to the third floor the room was easy to find. There were party lights flashing and dance music playing. We went in the room and there was an older couple sitting on a pull out bed. There was a chair in the corner facing the bed. To the left as you entered the room was a wet bar that ran the length of the wall. Turn the corner to the left was a hall leading to another bedroom and a bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub.
Adam and John had showed up in the room or perhaps they were already there. They are both very forward and would put their arms around Lily. I think they were trying to test her limits. The older woman on the bed was pretty drunk. We made small talk about the party but it quickly turned little frisky. Adam tried to tie Lily’s hands behind her back with a washcloth but it was too short. I stepped in behind to try to help hold her hands back. She didn’t fight it much and I could tell she was really enjoying the attention from us three. She laughed with giddiness. She could have been taken right there by three men and would have loved it. She has had two plenty of times but has not ventured past that though I know she wants to. While holding her back I was going to suggest grabbing the pillow case off one of the pillows as I heard that works well but at that moment the chair behind her moved causing her to fall back and releasing her.
Lily went to the bed and picked the mask up asking what it was for. The lady on the bed told her to put it on and lay down so she could show her. Lily either naive or just wanting to play along did what she was told. The blond woman immediately spread Lily’s legs saying, “Come here you little bitch”!
She then buried her face between them as she went down on Lily. Lily was a little mesmerized as she had her pussy eaten by a complete stranger. The older lady was clearly very drunk but I think Lily enjoyed the free pussy licking. After a few minutes with us all watching the excitement Lily was allowed to get up.
We thought it was time to head back downstairs to finally get something to eat. We headed into the restaurant. The great thing about this party is everyone everywhere was part of the group. The only non-lifestyle people were the staff. Though even they may have been. We kept our meal light with sandwiches and water because we needed to sober up a little. It was still early after all.
The tables were all decorated with these cute pineapples! The atmosphere everywhere was welcoming. We had such a great time. The food was tasty too and just what we needed to get a bit of soberness back.
Make sure to check back for part 2. We will talk about the sexy experience we had with the pixie and her man. Also we will cover the grand finale of the evening, Sabine’s gang bang! Don’t miss out on the details. This party was insane! Getting excited for their upcoming Halloween Party
We know you are nervous. It’s a first date or third date. You’ve hit it off with another couple and everyone is meshing well. Everyone knows today will lead to playtime.
You are ready with your toys, condoms, lube! Everyone agrees to meet up at a bar or go to dinner. Then the drinks begin to flow.
The first bottle of wine goes quickly as to be expected between four people. Everyone has a nice buzz so a second bottle is ordered. This is when things can get carried away and take away from the night of fun you envisioned, and turn it into a bit of a mess.
We met a couple about a month ago. We’ll call them Betty and Mark.
After a week of good conversation on Kik, exchanging pictures and naughty flirting, our schedules matched up and we finally got together and had a great time! We didn’t full swap on the first date, as is our rule, but we certainly had a steamy hot ending for our first meetup, which I plan to cover in detail soon.
We saw them a second time a week later when we went to a local meet n greet. We again had a great end to the evening, but due to a different encounter that randomly spawned that night, we didn’t get the chance to spend much time with them. Having previously planned to get a hotel with Betty and Mark the following weekend we knew we’d get our opportunity soon.
The week leading up to our hotel night we flirted constantly on Kik and talk about all the wild things we wanted to do to each other. Everyone clicked and we were all on the same page. We met at a restaurant within walking distance of the hotel which was perfectly set up for drinking to take place. No one had to drive and we were all excited to get the party started!
We got to the hotel a bit later than planned. We had been trying to find nice shoes last minute. We took showers and got ready for the evening. Lily and I arrived at the restaurant first and they messaged that they were on the way.
We had a nice awkward moment when Lily let the hostess know we were there for our reservation. She couldn’t locate it. Then we realized the reservation was under Betty.
The hostess handed us a buzzer to let us know when the table would be ready.
We decided to grab a drink at the bar while we waited. It was packed and there was only one stool open. We did the sideways stance while we ordered two glasses of Pinot Grigio.
We stood drinking our wine as we waited for the Betty and Mark to get there and our table to be ready.
When they arrived we noticed there was more confusion at the hostess counter. I guess the hostess was confused since she had already given the buzzer for our table to us. We waived them over and that cleared things up. They joined us at the bar and got a drink for themselves.
The restaurant was classy and the bar had a giant Pineapple drink which we all found to be somewhat humorous for obvious reasons. They must have been expecting us.
A few moments later our table was ready.
Betty holding the buzzer in one hand and her glass of Mascato in the other scurried off to follow the hostess. Once the rest of us realized the table was ready we followed.
We were seated at a square table and I made sure I sat with Lily on one side and Betty on the other with Mark across from me. This way everyone could be near each other’s spouse.
We immediately ordered a bottle of the Pinot Grigio Lily and I had been drinking. We ordered appetizers, dinner, and we drank!!
We had awesome conversation. First about basics like kids and sitters. We were glad to have met a couple who has kids because they understand the struggle of scheduling things.
The conversation turned sexy very quick. We were all so excited all week and the night was finally upon us.
Once we finished the wine we decided to get a second bottle. That was likely not a great idea. We were already buzzed but no one had to drive so we figured, why not?
Sticking with Pinot but this time a Pinot Noir. I could not pronounce the name of it so I just make one up. The waitress even found it funny. She was kind of cute now that I think about it!
As we drank, talked, and ate our meals we noticed the restaurant began to really empty out. Perhaps they had heard our discussion. We were talking a bit loud but we were having a blast.
Finally we decided to head out. We made our way, quite tipsy to a bar across the street.
Lily and I immediately ordered margaritas. Why? I have no idea!! I was not tipsy. I was pretty drunk at this point. Everyone was but like I said we were having fun. The conversation continued and I wondered if people around could hear the swinger things we were discussing but didn’t care much. I downed the margarita and ordered a beer. This was pointless. I didn’t need more alcohol. I don’t think I even finished it.
We were all finally ready to go the hotel. We were all highly intoxicated at this point and I was starting to have concerns on how things would operate.
Lily and Mark sat on the couch and Betty and I decided to get ice in the ice bucket so we could all have ice water. Her and I left the room and walked to the ice machine.
When we returned Lily and Mark had began making out. Betty and I took our places on the couch and began to do the same. Next thing I knew Lily was already on her knees blowing him. Which was great because Betty mirrored her and began to suck me off also.
This went on then Betty got up and went to the bed. She laid down and said lets all go to the bed!
We had changed out the light bulbs with red lights inspired by one of our favorite podcasts, That Couple Nextdoor.
At first things were moving along well. I began to have sex with Betty and Lily was riding Mark. I would reach over and grab her breast, or Lily and Betty would share a kiss. It was one of the hottest experiences I had ever been a part of. Until hotness became me actually being hot.
Being hot and drunk makes sex very difficult and when sex becomes difficult things dont work quite the way they should.
We swapped back to our own spouses and unfortunately I was spent. This is not the norm for me so I was a bit frustrated. Lily was so drunk she started to get annoyed with me a little. She said that I seemed to be fine with Betty. She was taking it personally but I felt like shit as it was so that didn’t really help. We left the bed and went back to the couch but it was really no use. I needed some time. The moment was gone.
We heard them finish on the bed and they quickly got dressed and next thing we knew they heading out the door thanking us for a good time.
Lily was a bit upset that I couldn’t finish. She was frustrated that neither man finished with her. She often feels inadequate if she doesn’t make a man cum.
We cooled off and I was able to rally with Lily though, and we had amazing sex. Both of us came hard. The neighboring suites had to get quite the sound show that night.
We fell asleep shortly after but I was awakened to the sounds of Lily throwing up in the bathroom. The alcohol had gotten the best of her too. This was our lesson in drinking and swinging!
Our advice to other couples is the same we should have listened to from so many. Don’t overdo it with the alcohol. While it certainly helps lower your inhibitions, too much can take away from the pleasure everyone is trying to achieve. Also, the hangover the next day in your 30’s is brutal! Lily was in bed the entire next day. We will definitely limit our alcohol in the future.
If you enjoy our adventures please share! We love to share and that is what it is all about!
Go checkout one of our favorite podcasts who gave us the idea for the red light. Have a listen to Jay and Kay at That Couple Nextdoor. https://www.thatcouplenextdoor.com/what-we-do/
If you have any questions or comments please let us know! Feel free to share your experiences as well. We love to hear everyone’s story!
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