Swing Open Authentic

Tag: love

  • Navigating Love in Non-Monogamy: Lessons Learned

    “Change is not only likely, it’s inevitable.” ― R. Holdstock

    Sometimes the party comes to a grinding halt in the middle of a crowded intersection. Horns blaring. People yelling in frustration, and you just don’t know which way to turn.

    These last few years have been a whirlwind. Fantasies turned reality. Times of wild sexual discovery and cinematic passion. All shifting into a nightmare and back again.

    Some lessons were needed, while others were unnecessary. In the end, there is still love in our life and in our hearts. Even when many things fall apart, you can find a reason to smile. Keep on loving.

    For a long time, I couldn’t write. I’d pop in, write something small then disappear. Coming up with authentic posts felt forced. Offering my thoughts and opinions on a relationship dynamic that I couldn’t seem to get right myself, felt wrong. How can I offer anything, when I was failing at many of the things I was talking about?

    I am not a failure though. My marriage is stronger than before. We have been through some tough times. Nearly relationship ending. There were so many things we did right to protect our marriage.

    My partner and I have a bond that is very rare. Our nearly 30 years together has created a trust and love that has stood strong through so many tests.

    One of the first things we did when deciding to completely open our marriage was get a good therapist. One who understood the complexities of consensual non-monogamy.

    Our therapist was well versed in polyamory, kinks, and all sorts of relationship dynamics. In fact, they were polyamorous themselves. This made it so easy to talk through things and feel we were being heard, understood, and guided correctly.

    Another thing that helped us was beginning to truly encourage each other’s autonomy. Not just in relationships. Also, with hobbies and personal interests. Encouraging growth in each other to help us be better together.

    We became more self-aware and better at arguing constructively instead of destructively. Listening to understand before speaking out of anger or emotion.

    This takes work though. Work we both wanted to put in. We don’t always get it right, but we continue to try.

    There will be times when, as a couple, you will face challenges. These challenges will either end things or give you a reason to fight. If you’re both willing to work on yourselves, so you can be better together, then you’re on a good path.

    My partner has lost interest in the LS community, like so many we’ve seen lately. Not to say they won’t return at some point. They’ve had it with too many situations involving people who lack honesty, empathy and clear communication.

    People become the destroyers of their own communities. This past year has brought in-fighting and division, deceit and classlessness. Many relationships ended. Including some long-standing marriages, polycules, and couples. These are the types of breakups that shocked some of us. Of course, many times things are not what they seem. We all have our public persona.

    When break ups like some of these occur, it makes us wonder. Are the intentions of many entering non-monogamy simply to find a replacement? Or a last resort hoping to “fix” their relationship? It’s almost as if they are “quiet quitting” their relationship.

    On the other hand, some singles in the community seem to use it as their healing playground. They play until they are ready to find a mono relationship again. Then they leave behind a wake of confusion to those who took them seriously. While others are simply hoping to fuck someone’s wife though offer very little to the couple’s dynamic.

    We’ve had to learn to let go. We’ve learned when to give up on people who have shown time and time again how little they value us. Some people create their own toxicity and there’s no one that can help them, but themselves.

    When we got married, we had already been together almost 10 years. Now at nearly 30 years together. Why would we shatter it all for the unknown? Especially when we can share the unknown instead! Or at least still freely explore it.

    We haven’t been to many parties lately. We did attend a meet and greet for a newer group. They were a break-off from another group due to differences of opinion or some disagreement. I am not aware of the details so I can’t really speak on that.

    Their events have been close to home. That is great. The attendees are a plethora of hot 20-50s who seem to love to drink and party. So much so, that following one recent event, there were allegedly some pills found on the floor of the establishment.

    The venue was frustrated that many only wanted waters. The bar shuts down to the public for these events. They hope to pull a strong profit from a captured audience. Unfortunately, certain drugs do not mix with alcohol and the attendees know this. It is good that people want to party safely. However, it is better to make sure the bar turns a profit. We want them to continue to allow these meets to happen. Definitely don’t leave evidence.

    The hosts and admins of the group handled things pretty quickly though. They have more meets happening. We will make our way back to one eventually.

    Though fun, in general, meet n greets are not our thing. When we went, we saw people we knew. Including some people we’d rather not see. The community can be extremely small. There were also many people we had never seen before. There’s definitely been an influx of new faces.

    We had a few beverages. Some laughs. Smoked some buds. All in all, a fun night out.

    Nothing that brought my partner the urge to get back out there. They’re content reading books and spending time with family and our dogs.

    Their outlook and overall feelings of being consensually non-monogamous has not changed. We will continue to encourage each other’s autonomy however that looks for us.

    There are people waiting when ready. They get messages from past play partners, trying to get them to come out. They’ve stood pretty firm on their boundaries! Which is awesome. Exercising that right to say, “Nah I’m good”

    It is always OK to say, “No”

    I’ve met a few people here and there myself. Extremely kind and caring individuals who, as of now don’t seem to have hidden agendas. My guard is up though. I am still going out from time to time open to whatever comes my way. That said I am not actively seeking another relationship. At least not at the moment.

    In the meantime, I have found my way back here. Now, with much more experience in navigating consensual non-monogamy. I feel confident I can authentically share my perspective and hopefully help someone along the way.

    Make sure to subscribe to follow the journey.

    If you have any questions or topics you would like to cover, please reach out.

    If you’re interested in being in a non-monogamous relationship, ask yourself:

    1. What does it bring to you that will enhance what you already have?
    2. What do we hope to gain both individually and as a couple?
    3. What fears do you have about non-monogamy?

    Till next time! Thanks for reading!

  • Local News Investigates St. Louis Sex Parties: Community Reaction

    Word on the street is that a local news station is digging for information. They want the story on alleged sex parties and swinger events in the St. Louis area!

    Do you think we should worry?

    A couple who runs a private group reported on receiving the letter below. It has shown up in other various groups and forums as well. Apparently, it was stuck to the door of a handful of known and suspected lifestyle venues.

    After attending events, your private sexcapades bust wide open. People find out that you are non-monogamous. What would that do to you?

    Living authentically means not allowing the opinions of others keep you from living a lifestyle they don’t understand. As long as it feels right for you. If you are not harming yourself or others, it is none of anyone’s business. After all, we have the right to pursue happiness in this country, for the most part!

    Of course, there will be fall out and potential ramifications if suddenly a large number of people were outed. Job loss is possible. Friends pull away. Family can think differently or even cut you off. Couples with children can face issues with bullying, if neighbors or school families learn of the news. These are all real possibilities.

    So, we all panic and shut down. Parties are canceled, venues and online groups tighten up their rules and privacy. Everyone goes into hiding.

    Do we ever feel it’s time to stop hiding and change the stigma? Why should we be ashamed of ourselves for this life we have created? Why are we hiding in the first place? What is so shameful about how we live? So, we enjoy sex! Here’s some news: Most people do!

    We always shy away from the truth. Being sneaky and discreet is part of what makes the rest of society look down their noses at us. They will hate us whether we are in the shadows or in the open. It’s just how it is. So, why not be proudly us? I am not saying have sex in public and flaunt it. Just to find ways to bring awareness and educate others on the positive experiences.

    https://www.firstalert4.com/2025/02/28/experts-weigh-first-alert-4-investigation-into-sex-parties-neighborhoods/

    The story above did in fact air about a week ago. It seems they’re mainly targeting private “sex” parties. Private home gatherings to offer a safe area for play.

    In the news report, they interviewed a man. He had legitimate concerns about trouble with parking on his street due to the parties. It can be so frustrating living somewhere with street parking only. It’s difficult enough to find a spot near your home.

    If the issue is parking, then these parties need a new venue. It is understandable that people want to park near their home. No one wants to come home late from work. Only to deal with a bunch of random cars up and down the street. Then a long walk after finding parking. Completely understand the argument there. These party hosts should rethink their venue and be more courteous of the neighborhoods they are throwing the parties in.

    Yet, he also said, “someone could get shot.” Granted, this city is known for its high rates of violence and illegal gun use. This does not seem to be a common issue for any of the parties in these communities. While statistics on these events are scarce. We have attended quite a few now and have seen very few altercations. People simply want to enjoy themselves as adults in the way that fits best. In all the parties we’ve attended, even seeing an argument to breakout is pretty rare. People want these events to continue so they respect the rules of the venues and groups. Sure, there is always going to be a random who will cause an issue. Getting cut off from the community and banned from any party is a real possibility and no one wants that.

    The news story talked about the heightened risk of sexual assaults. It also, discussed the raised exposure to STI’s due to the increased number of individuals gathering for promiscuous encounters.

    Does sex happen at private home events? Absolutely! Many of the events have security readily available if needed. The statistics are scarce. I’d put money on it that there are fewer sexual assaults at a swinger party than a college frat party.

    This shouldn’t be a fear at any event. Anyone who has been in the LS community long enough knows the importance of consent! Many of us take great pride in making sure all that we do is consensual. Even down to a simple kiss or hug.

    It is true that the risk of STI’s maybe increased with so many in one area. A common misconception is that these parties are filled with everyone fucking everyone. That is just a false assumption from people who have no idea what actually occurs behind closed doors. We’ve been to parties that we’ve just talked and ate snacks. Just because you attend does not mean you are having sex!

    Many of us take precautions and are responsible enough to be tested regularly. Some will have quarterly testing, while others even get tested after any new sexual partner. Some events offer free testing. Most events we have been to there is an assortment of free condoms readily available.

    It is our responsibility as adults to protect ourselves. Some of the general public tends to have a belief that the government knows best. They should be our supreme protectors. Not everyone buys into that mentality.

    The reporter made it sound as if party-goer’s pay and the host include sex. Like these parties are operating in a “gray area,” as they put it, that could be a “prostitution loophole”.

    We’ve had plenty of amazing experiences with wonderfully slutty individuals, but not a single one was paid for. I don’t know what goes on at every party. but I have attended enough to know, paying for sex is completely unnecessary at these events.

    What are your thoughts on the news poking around? If you’ve been to events like these, have you encountered violence? Let us know in the comments or in the socials!

    It sounds like if we simply handle the parking issues, things will ease up a little. By now everyone other than those in the neighborhood reported on, have moved on from the story. We will keep an ear out and an eye to the ground if anymore comes of it.

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Next up we will be discussing some of the recent parties, and meet n greets in the area.

    Please be sure to follow if you enjoy the content. There will be much more to come as the temperature heats up and summer events kick into gear! Don’t miss the fun!