Swing Open Authentic

Tag: Kink

  • Taking the Plunge

    Taking the Plunge

    These fantasies can be overpowering. They consume your thoughts throughout the day and fuel your passion into the evening. The only release seems to be the momentary comfort from your next mind blowing orgasm that’s been built up from all the images, but even that is fleeting and you find yourself right back where you started.

    Researching the reality of this world, you hope to push your relationship into, but all the fears and beliefs you were raised on weigh heavy on you, causing an internal battle between lust and morals. The more you read, learn and process, the more comfort you find in knowing you are not alone. However, your religious beliefs or simple family expectations, may make it a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment. Those who are able to overcome this find themselves a freedom few will come to know.

    Cuckolding and hotwife stories were always such a turn on for me. It’s kind of where it all began. Late nights were spent at my family computer, as a teen with raging hormones, consuming story after story. We had a giant old dot matrix printer that I would print my favorites. These typically included stories about cheating, hotwifing, gangbangs, and cuckolding. Still to this day, my go to stories involve a spouse or girlfriend so lost in lust, she gives little thought to her man watching her be used. Hearing her moan in ways he never could make her. She transforms into a primal slut ready to pleasure any man who might need release. Any man but him. There’s a look of sorrow in her eyes, knowing how wrong it all seems, but with each thrust, the concern is only on the pleasure she is receiving.

    Swinging by sharing partners is one thing, but having the courage to allow your spouse the freedom to experience pleasure in every imaginable way can be extremely gratifying. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one such couple. New to the lifestyle but gaining steam by plunging right in the deep end. Dustin and Leslie were introduced to me by a friend. They have done a complete 180 in their marriage dynamic, going from pure to pornographic in a very short time, with no signs of slowing down.

    Dustin has put together a guest post, which tells of how they came to find this world of salacious behaviors in an effort to reclaim their sex life.

    They can be followed on twitter @showmeswing and @AEll812

    Guest Post by Dustin

    Yesterday as I was searching for collars to buy my wife with the words “Hotwife” or “Slut” on them, I had a how-in-the-world-did-we-get-here moment. Then about two hours later I was sitting across a bar table from a new bull for my wife when he asked me to explain how we got into the lifestyle, and again I was faced with the question of how we got here. Racking my brain, I had to go all the way back to a conversation I had with my great-grandpa on his deathbed. I asked him what he would do differently if he had a second chance. Being a religious man, I thought he would say that he should have been a missionary or something really noble. But he didn’t. He said he would have made sure his wife had a better life. They were farmers who worked incredibly hard their whole lives. He hadn’t mistreated her, he just didn’t make her enjoyment a priority. I left that room on a mission to make my wife’s life better, to give her experiences and joys in this world. I booked a trip to Vegas shortly after that. I didn’t know what else to do. (My wife said she wishes I had picked housework). The second part of this impetus was my growing addiction to pornography, particularly cuckolding.

    This fascination with sharing my wife, coupled with my frustration of not having much sex in my marriage, led me to searching for help just a few months ago. The Twitter wormhole brought me to some swingers who recommended a sex therapist. Well, to say this lady was a miracle worker would be too inadequate. My wife had been a staunchly religious, rule-following, prudish, great woman. She was my best friend, partner, therapist, and boon companion, always positive and encouraging and trustworthy – darn near perfect excluding the bedroom. But in the bedroom, she was pretty cold. She just had trouble letting go of a spirit of religiosity and the feeling that everything good must be bad. More on that some other time perhaps, but the short of it was that I felt like I had a Porsche with no keys. Within weeks, my good Christian wife (who still loves Jesus, btw) was liberated from the evil spirit of religiosity and what erupted from within was 44 years of suppressed desires and suffocated fantasies. What we have now is a glorious amalgamation of all of the good parts of her old self (sweetness, forgiveness, patience, trustworthiness, integrity) and this unshackled, raw, passionate self. She went from Puritan to Porn Star in two months. And, no, I won’t give you the name of the therapist, lol.

    Moments before Leslie’s first gangbang

    I know many readers will say that this is too sudden to stick, or that we will crash and burn. Maybe. But I can see your wager, and I’ll raise you a nickel that we actually have a smashing good time despite some bumps. We are consummating our marriage for the first time really. We’re not virgins, yet we have just now “known” each other because our hearts are exposed for each other — all of them, including the secrets and most vulnerable parts. My secret sins have been brought into the light and I’ve been forgiven by her. Because we’re connecting and all the parts of me are being satisfied, my porn consumption has plummeted. (Who needs porn when you’re making porn?) And I’m finally able to love all of her, because I actually know her now. Half of her pieces were missing from the puzzle, and although we never get the complete picture because it keeps changing, I know more of her now and I really, really, really like it!

    As it stands, we are attempting to swing some (which hasn’t gone well) but mostly my wife has been hotwifing. Turns out it’s much easier to find a guy to have sex with a beautiful woman than it is to find a woman to have sex with a man that looks like he ate himself forty pounds ago. Who knew?

    I want you to know that this process has not all gone smashingly here in the beginning. There were nights I did not handle things well when I found out other guys got something I had been waiting for for 25 years. And then there were all the insecurities that came out: “You never made that sound with me;” “Hey, can you not text him while I’m trying to talk to you?” and “Three hours, really? What happened to ‘getting sore’ after 30 minutes?” From my wife’s perspective, she’s wrestling with her spiritual schema, her self-exploration, which is emotional, her role as mother to aging teens, her fun-to-responsibilities balance, and her insecure and paranoid husband. Considering everything, she has done an amazing job!

    She convinced me that no one is going to steal her heart. Convincing a paranoid person of anything is nearly impossible, so I’m sure she’ll have to do that many times. My goal was to bless her with great experiences, not steal all the fun by barraging her with 30 questions when she gets home from a rendezvous, and then pouting afterwards. I’d like to think those nights are behind us, but I have a feeling they aren’t. In the lifestyle people will often say, “Don’t get into this to fix your marriage.” I totally understand why that’s true. This has been testing on many parts of our relationship — things like openness, transparency, communication, bonding, trust, compromise, and others. Thankfully, those bits were strong. It was the sex we needed help with and although our radically improved sex life hasn’t “fixed our marriage,” it sure as hell helped.

    Sometimes I question how this all ends at our current trajectory, but I know we’re happier than we’ve ever been, more bonded, more in love, more hopeful, more free, more forgiving and inclusive, more ourselves, and more likely to handle bumps in the road. We actually have a little momentum for the bumps, I think. This has been our experience so far. We have much to learn. In closing, I want to lay out an argument for spouse sharing and it’s this: I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wonder if my sweetheart, my bride, my partner and lover had a good life. In one sense we’re all in charge of our own happiness, but in the real world, a spouse has a great deal of influence over our happiness, and I’m likely the only one she’ll ever have. So, I need to facilitate experiences, encourage her to be her true self, and even give her the freedom to live out her desires because I love her. I will fail many times. I also need to remind myself daily that her happiness is more important than my pride and that her love for me is unwavering. If I can remember those things, and we can communicate and grow, then I think we have decent odds at doing smashingly.

  • Times They Are A-Changin

    Times They Are A-Changin

    Do you ever get stuck feeling ashamed of the life you have chosen? Many of us were taught to find that one true love. We were told there is this mystical person out there who will fit perfectly, meet our every need, and be our soul mate. If you are a woman, HE will be your prince charming. He will sweep you off your feet and swoon you into a life of “happily ever afters” . If you’re a man, SHE will be your perfect dream girl, your queen and sex goddess. She will tend to your every need and you will live in bliss!

    Well, we have decided these lessons were all a bunch of bullshit. Passed down from generation to generation. Stemming from a puritanical society. The same society who would have us believe not only that we lack the capability to love more than one person at a time, but the ONE you choose must be of the opposite sex. These unspoken rules of relationships leave some afraid to ever look beyond the norm for fear of ridicule or being cast aside by those they believed to be friends and in some cases even family.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before, but an acquaintance once told me, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man. They just haven’t been fucked by right one to turn them gay.”

    Not knowing how to react to such ignorance, I simply laughed and moved on. The number of openly bisexual women in the LS community is staggering. It’s encouraged, supported and sought after by every couple and single.  Everyone is chasing their unicorn.

    How do we help this community, who claims to be accepting of all to go further and actually be completely accepting of all?

    One thing we can do is step out in the open and realize many of us are the same. I can not tell you the number of men I have met with in the community who says they are bi or at least curious but they don’t tell anyone for fear of what it could mean.

    Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum! I have learned that this year. Recently, The Red Couch talks about this in their recent post about Bisexual Men in the Swingers Community https://theredcouch.co/2021/09/21/bisexual-men-swingers-community/

    https://theredcouch.co/

    My journey this year followed a plan to revisit my interest in men. Muscular dominant men to be exact. Most of my current friends are unaware in my past I considered my self bi-curious, yet never pursued this interest. Besides a few adventurous nights in my youth, after about 2000, I had left this part of me in the rear view.

    Growing up with three older brothers, the raw testosterone that coursed through our home, was fueled even more by my overbearing step-father doing his best to mold us in to fine strapping young men. Being the youngest out of us four allowed me to slack slightly on much of the hard labor, yet still reap some of the benefits. They’d hunt and fish. I’d eat well. They’d learn how to fix cars and clean guns. I got high and learned drums and guitar. I wrote songs, read plays, and was the hopeless romantic. While they played sports, chased girls, and got in fights.

    Perhaps my status as baby of the house coupled with my brothers tendency to steal my food if I stepped away from the table even for a second, kept me a bit smaller than the rest of my siblings. Ranging from 5’11” to 6’2″ or maybe 6’3″ and built like lineman, with each of them having played such for our high-school football teams. The oldest went on to play football through college on a partial scholarship as a nose tackle.

    They were your basic rough and tough guy jocks. I don’t know what kept me from following along like one more lemming, but I couldn’t be more different.  All my life I dreamed of being a Hollywood star. My style was always a bit eclectic, sporting wide leg JNCOs with long hair, thinking I looked like Kurt Cobain in my later high school days.(I did not) In Middle school I’d often emulate movie characters in the way I’d dress. Especially from mafia movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I’d show up in loafers, dress pants and a silk purple shirt with my hair slicked back like a real greaseball. Around my neck I wore a fake gold chain that went perfect with my gold ring, watch and bracelet. No wonder I started getting picked on more often.

    A bit of a class clown is what kept some friends with me, cracking jokes like, “I’m not gay my boyfriend is” was par for the course.

    This love for the music and the arts was passed down from my father who was a Theater teacher, as well as a performer in his own right. Even today he continues write and perform in plays and play music in a blues band all around the area. As a child I went to rehearsals and performances of his. Captivated by the sense of play, the fun of playing dress up and pretending really caught hold of me.

    My parents were divorced when I was about 2 years old. My dad remarried twice as of today, but my first stepmother had a daughter who happened to be lesbian. We didn’t discuss it much, but I heard she married another woman and they both wore tuxedos. Although I also heard she was now divorced and married to a gay man or something. None of this ever seemed odd to me. Even with my rather conservative up bringing.

    Of course my actions and behavior around others was very different. My brother’s could never know I was ok with someone being gay. Even one of our cousins, who never hid his sexuality for a second, They would treat like family to his face, but make awful comments if he were to be brought up when not around. It was difficult and looking back now, I am ashamed of my behavior and things I’ve said regarding the gay community. The jokes I made at their expense, often to just fit in are inexcusable. Not saying I’m flying the LBGTQ+ flag and getting all political about it. But the part that truly matters is allowing people to be with and love who ever they feel is right for them. People don’t marry or have relationships for a community. They do it for themselves. Connections make us feel whole. Personal happiness is just that, personal. As mentioned before, I am out of fucks! Running Out of Fucks

    Recently, a post from our Instagram @Swingopenmo was inadvertently sent these three older brothers. There was no connection to us really and I was able to remove the post so the link would come back empty if they were to click on it. Still they could read the Instagram blurb that goes above the post. They made their jokes, but I played it off as it was someone else’s that was sent to me, and I then sent it to them in error. Whether they bought it or not the jury is still out, but I nearly pulled the mask off and just told them the truth. I keep asking myself, what difference does it make? No matter how they respond, we love who we are and do not intend to change. But we decided to just let it be.

    Well, Today is National Coming Out Day after all. Lily is not entirely on board with the idea to be completely open just yet, but she is considering it. But today’s post is about me opening up to the LS community and beginning to be more honest with myself.

    From a young age I was aware of my sexuality. Many nights I’d spend exploring my body. Often blurring the lines of gender in my mind.  I discovered rather quickly this spectrum of sexuality. Gay or straight never mattered much in my mind. To me, if the moment was hot and it turned me on, then I was likely to give it a try. We don’t always need labels. Things can be left to be whatever they are without categorizing.

    As covered in the beginning in Retribution, we got into swinging while doing a lot of ecstasy in our late teens early twenties. Chris, who I’ve talked about before as one of my best childhood friends would share Lily off and on for a couple years. One night, Lily, Chris and I thought it’d be fun to shower together. We were still coming off rolling the night before, and our bodies were still craving to be touched. Although Lily was there for us to use as we pleased, our hands moved all over. Lily was very interested in all of us exploring each other. She was kissing him, he was kissing her, he was touching me and I was rubbing on him.  There were no lines drawn and no boundaries. We wanted to see what a double blow job would be like. Not having another girl was no issue. We simply took turns helping Lily suck. Allowing each to get a chance to feel what it was like. The whole experience was insanely erotic for us three. The warm shower dripping down on the three of us as we pleasured each other other without shame, guilt, or misunderstanding. Gender didn’t matter to me. The moment pulled me in, our hormones were through the roof.

    Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go try it. If you are a “super straight”, then just equate it to two women and you’ll be fine.

    I am fully aware that putting this out there, might cause some of you to distance yourself from me and that’s ok. Lily is still by my side and that is the most important thing to me. Not to mention my girlfriend and all the others who I have already opened up to.

    Taking this year to explore what I felt may have been my bi-sexual side quickly turned to me realizing I am completely pansexual. I’ve had new adventures trying things I never realized I’d enjoy. Like a hot blonde with a strap on! Highly recommend. I’ve also had threesomes and foursomes where everyone was touching everyone. There were no awkward moments with someone shouting, “No Homo”. 

    I had to ask myself, am I having a midlife crisis? Is this actually something I want to be doing? I could see no reason why not.

    For those who are my friends and our friends, please note, I do not intend to try to fuck everyone. Consent is still a very real thing. If you haven’t heard, we did discuss that in a previous blog post. Consent is Everything

    Coming out on National Coming Out day has been my plan all year. Thinking back, these feelings were sprinkled throughout my life even before Lily and Chris.

    Flashes of my childhood flicker in my mind. At just 4 years old, in preschool we were all outside playing in the school yard, as children do. It was a beautiful day with very few clouds in the sky. It’s difficult to remember, but there was a blacktop parking lot that led to a play yard. The sprawling grounds of ragged weed infested grass, old tires half buried created a fun little obstacle course. Up a hill to the left stood a wooden playground with multiple layers and platforms. You know the kind. They have a high risk for leaving a child stuck with a irremovable splinter. The platforms created a bit of cover which was a perfect little hideout. This particular day, there seemed to be extra interest in the small hideaway as children gathered to see what was happening.

    Seeing a few other children head in that direction, I too became curious not wanting to be the only one not part of whatever the excitement was all about. Looking into the the wooden covered bunker, a few girls were lying on their stomachs with their pants down leaving their naked butts out for all to see. They were giggling as a couple boys crawled down the line of girls, giving them a kiss on their “cheeks”.

    Now, I don’t quite recall how I got involved, but I had a sudden urge to join them. Not as one of the boys though. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls. So I went to the far end to the left and laid face down ass up, like the rest of the girls. The boys played along without question, without ridicule.

    Sometime during that same year, I slept over one of the boy’s houses. They lived in a double wide. His parents had set up and indoor tent for us, or perhaps it was an outdoor one, simply placed indoors. It’s never easy to visualize each moment from the eighties, but I do know, in that tent he and I played the same game we had on the playground at preschool.. Again, I pretended to be the pretty girl.

    There were multiple times early in life I found myself having this urge to be more feminine. Not in a cross dressing drag queen way or anything. There was one time I tried on a dress my mother had on the drying line in the basement by the washer and dryer, but the thought to dress pretty never really occurred to me back then. Though I did sometimes envy girls clothing. They get all the cute accessories. Occasionally I’d wrap my blanket around me and pretend to be a girl. There were times I can recall wishing I would wake up as a girl, thinking my life would be much easier that way.

    Perhaps it was seeing the power of women through my mother. She raised us on her own basically for about seven years of our lives. She’d stop at nothing to provide for us. They say men are the tougher gender, but the women around me were tough as nails and amazing providers. My mom has 4 sisters and 5 brothers. They grew up very poor. All of the women in this family are bad ass bitches who are also extremely motherly and caring. I understood the power of being a strong women more than most boys. At least I felt I did.

    My point in bringing all this up is to give an understanding as to how long I hid this within me. The spectrum I discovered within myself has led to some of the most mind blowing orgasms ever. They have allowed me to be the assertive dominant male towards Lily and most woman and switch to the coy and timid submissive I enjoy being toward the right guy. I’ve even found a major attraction to many transwomen. I think mainly due to Tik Tok.

    Had Lily and I not become swingers, I may never had explored this part of me. Being poly now has opened my mind to even considering finding a boyfriend. This is something I once asked if I could do with Chris, my high school friend. Back then, it was not something Lily was as open to though she never mind me playing with him. So I am currently taking applications. Really I am open to dating anyone I feel a bond with.

    This decision was tough for Lily and I. She is afraid of the reaction from those we know in our local LS Community. Hopefully they will see we are the same couple. I am no different than the day before, you just know me a little better. Maybe understand me a bit more. It’s not wrong to share things and know about each other.

    In the interest of National Coming Out, I have decided to add to the Swing Open world by coming out with my podcast in 2022! The ‘Unapologetic Podcast’ will be about living life on our terms without fear of what anyone around us thinks. Living to cherish the things that serve your happiness and let go of all the negative behaviors that hold us down.

    If you have been following along there has been a bit of a theme this year leading up to me admitting to everyone, including myself about being Pansexual. This is something I believe has always been a part of me. Never until now did I feel safe to admit it. If you picked apart the references and innuendos then perhaps you already understood where we were going with all this. There are some who already know this about me and those I’ve told, to this point have been so amazing and supportive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who are reading this and continue to support my writing. You are truly appreciated.

    We will get back to more swingers things going forward, I have a post coming soon that will discuss some of the exploration Lily and I have done with cuckold play. Also the long awaited review from our kinky adventures at National Swingers Weekend 2021! We can’t wait to bring you the podcast! Thank you for reading!

  • We Can’t Go Back

    We Can’t Go Back

    How can we? How can any couple, bluefish, or unicorn for that matter, create a life of intensely erotic escapades, fulfilling their deepest desires, through wild sexual adventures, simply, walk away?

    We see it all the time. Recently, a couple, I think for the second time since we’ve known them, made a post stating, “We are leaving the Lifestyle!”

    But can they? Of course, it is completely their prerogative and there could be a million reasons why they are taking a step back. Don’t get me wrong, taking a break is fairly common in most LS journeys. Perhaps they stumbled upon emotions they, as a couple, were just not prepared to handle. Whatever the reason, it is always a good idea to step back, when needed, and reconnect with your primary partner, or even yourself. That being said, once this world is tapped into, how can anyone go completely back? 

    Can you?

    Completely?

    I suppose it depends on how deep you have gone. How far down the rabbit hole have you fallen?

    Personally, we struggle with even spending time with vanillas now. Hanging out at the neighborhood pool, listening to the dads drone on and on about 401k’s and the latest video games. Watching them gawk at neighborhood MILFs in bikini’s, knowing they will never touch another body outside of their marriage. Though even intamcy at home is rationed out as a cheap gift on special occasions. They make jokes about how they haven’t had a bj in years, but claim that it’s just part of marriage. It’s exhausting! I want to blurt out, “Not in my marriage!”

    It’s just so difficult to be around. We can’t be ourselves. We must be a different version of ourselves anyway. Life is too short to spend it pretending to be someone you’re not. Just more of my “running out of fucks” journey, I suppose.

    If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to check out my post on how I am giving up trying to please others or give in to social constructs. Maybe I was baked or just being pissy, but check it out! Running Out of Fucks

    One thing we have learned from our recent poly relationships is, once you allow emotion in, it becomes even more difficult to walk away. Sex with someone you care about or share a strong bond with is far more satisfying than any gangbang orgy fuck fest you could attend. Unless you are really into those of course. We do not kink shame here!

    Deeper connections become habitual and that becomes the new craving. Beyond sex, beyond kinks or fetishes. Love. It bonds people and gives more profound meaning to relationships. 

    So, what happens when you try to leave all that behind?

    In our experience, it’s causes friction in the primary relationship. Of course, this is going to be different for everyone, but a lot of times we see the same couples who announce their departure, come back months or even years later. Perhaps they felt a part of themselves missing.  Often one partner may be the driving force to leave the lifestyle behind, while the other never wanted it to end in the first place.

    Perhaps the jealousy they faced was too much of a burden. Maybe they felt their partner’s attention shift and they didn’t like how it left them feeling.

    Typically, when a new partner enters the picture, there is a dynamic change. There is a shift that is felt, even if the person who has created the shift doesn’t realize it. It can be as simple as, every day at lunchtime you’d receive a text from your partner but suddenly it happens later in the day, or less often. It’s that new relationship energy and it’s a bitch!  

    Jealousy is an emotion. It sucks and can make you feel like you’re dying inside, but emotions are triggered by traumas which cause specific reactions from within. Heal the trauma, get to the root of the jealousy and it can be unlearned and controlled. We still have moments ourselves but are getting better at handling our own jealousy.

    Jealousy is a fucked-up thing. Personally, it became less of an issue for me as I got older. I would share Lily with friends without a second thought, simply to see her lost in pleasure. Any jealousy issues that were shouting to me, were quickly muffled by the intense sexual afterglow we’d be in. However, when we entered a polyamorous situation, it brought the bitch out of me. I will admit. There were a lot of emotions that welled up in me that I had forgotten were even there.

    If you’re unaware, Lily changed our dynamic completely in the beginning of the year, when she fell in love with someone else. She still loved me and didn’t want us to change, but she wanted to have this new boyfriend be a very important part of her life. She nearly cucked me into the situation and, at times in their relationship, she actually did dabble in cuck play. There was little I could do or say because she knew how much it turned me on. We realized it was an exciting new adventure for us and really played into the kink of it. We found it hot and exciting, and it ended up being the thing I’d focus on which helped me to adjust and feel confident that she still loved me and reassured me as we shared in these intense and passionate situations.

    At first, when Lily decided she was going to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t too concerned. We had known him for a while before they took it to that level. He was always respectful and treated her good. I saw it like any other fwb for her. But when things turned emotional, I had to check myself pretty quick. It wasn’t easy at first. Not for either of us. Eventually I found someone just to prove I could and, I guess and my own separate relationship took off. But, when Lily’s relationship ended, she felt the jealousy and dynamic shift from me.

    After listening to a couple podcasts, working with our therapist, lots of research, like reading The Ethical Slut, we were able to find the tools to deal with the jealousy or the alone moments. Now, instead of feeling uneasy when one of us goes out with someone, we focus on something in our moment. For example, I might use it as an opportunity to blog or play guitar or do just about anything to reconnect with myself. Lily might read or watch an awful dating “reality” show. You can never stop trying to discover yourself. Trust me, there are always new things you can learn. I am living proof of that this year!

    The therapist we see is well versed in alternative relationships, ethical non-monogamy and an amazing source of knowledge on all sorts of kinks. If you can find a good therapist to guide you through this journey, we highly recommend it. Don’t go it alone. The tools are out there and available to you. Listen to podcasts that cover this stuff. Talk to friends who have gone through it. Read more blogs like ours. There are plenty of books that help to dive into the topic as well. Hell, message us! We love to chat with people, especially about LS related stuff!

    One of my best sources and ear to bend was a mutual friend on Facebook. I reached out to her because I knew from her posts that she was in a polyamorous relationship and had been previously. She’s been a saint with my endless issues and all the questions I’d bother her with. She was so patient and understanding. She had been where I was at some point. Her and her boyfriend make it look so simple and seamless. He is married to another beautiful woman, but their relationships are separate. I believe it’s called a “V”. We are still learning all this. From the outside they look like they have it all together but what we don’t see is all the work that went in to get them to this point. This year they celebrated their one-year anniversary, and we wish them many more.

    So, I ask…

    again…

    Can you go back?

    The night I began writing this, Lily was out on a “dick date” as she called it. Their connection could go anywhere. It certainly has all the makings of a relationship beyond simply friends. They seem to like each other. He and I hit it off pretty well also which is always bonus points, because obviously Lily wants us to get along. She is being cautious, however. Her emotions are still pretty raw from the breakup with her ex. Her tolerance for men is dropping daily it seems.

    She commented recently, a couple times, “Maybe I should just get a girlfriend!”

    So, ladies if you’re reading this, take her out! Show her the fun a basic fuck boy never will.

    I wonder if she could ever have a girlfriend. She certainly is attracted to women. She occasionally craves their soft touch and gentle kisses, but at the end of the day, she is all about cock. Let’s be real here. We are who we are.

    One thing I’ve noticed is, her always meeting single men. Her and I have discussed this. Sure, there are some who are genuine and probably would make excellent boyfriends, but most of these single guys are single for a reason it seems. Either they don’t want to commit, or no one wants to commit to them. On the other hand, dating someone single has its benefits. Currently I am seeing someone, and we have nowhere to go if we want to be intimate. Both of us have families at home while we are out.

    I also see a single girl as well. She is the same girl I left standing in the rain in front of a bar a few months ago. I know it sounds awful. I did offer a ride home. I also broke things off abruptly when we were at the bar, so I get why she didn’t want to get in a car with me. So, she waited for an Uber as I walked in the rain back to my car.

    I had to do it. It was clear that nothing was going to work at that moment. Lily and I were not emotionally prepared for polyamory. It became painfully obvious to everyone involved at the time. If we didn’t put a stop to it all, things may have turned ugly. And she knew that. We all did.

    Now, however, after several sessions with our amazing therapist, many meaningful conversations with each other, Lily and I are much better at managing these emotions.

    We realized, and both admitted, we couldn’t go back to just being swingers. We’re definitely not going to be monogamous. We both enjoy this all too much and it fulfills a part of us that is needed.

    Don’t get me wrong, with all the swinger events we attend, casual play is still a very big part of us. After all, we are sluts. But now we can delve deeper into passions and connections to allow for something more profound and real to be built.

    My “Side Piece,” as she refers to herself as of late, has been amazing to spend time with since some burdens were lifted. We picked right up where we left off and things have been pretty great. We don’t have a label. Haven’t really discussed one too much this time. I don’t think there are any real expectations. We simply live in the moment. We see each other about once a week or when we can. We might go to a nice dinner and to a bar, or just have a peaceful evening at her place with a bottle of wine. Either way we always seem to enjoy our time together. Our focus is only on each other. Not work, not kids, not anything else. That is our time. That is how we try to approach connections with others now. We allow them to rise naturally to whatever they may become, and we put our focus in the moment as much as possible.

    Now we really can’t go back. Once that emotional bridge is crossed, the bridge falls behind and you must be real, raw, and open to whatever comes. Find new ways to deal with emotions. If you’ve done the work and your primary foundation is strong, it can be amazing.

    I remember my Facebook consigliere told me that “Couples privilege” sucks. I didn’t know what that meant right away. But now I totally get it. That single person, on the outside of the relationship is very real. They have emotions and needs like the rest of us. At the end of the day, they usually don’t go to sleep with the person they care about. They only get a small portion, but they learn to be content, and gracious. They deserve to have their voice recognized.

    Things are much different now. We even went out for drinks, the three of us. Lily, side piece and me. What a surreal moment. My gorgeous wife to my left, an old fashioned in my hand, and my beautiful, “side piece,” to my right. We laughed and talked about everything. We were able to all find common ground. For starters, for God only knows why, they both want to spend time with me.

    In awkward moments I was able to entertain them with my randomness. We had a good laugh at my expense as I dripped sauce down the front of my shirt from the fried pickles we shared. They found more common ground in their agreement on how clumsy and forgetful I can be. At one point, the discussion turned to how much weed I smoke. Things were getting out of hand! I thought I was about to have an intervention or something! We also talked about our children and how close they are in age. We hope to get everyone together soon. We could have a barbecue and let the kids run around. Things we never thought we would be comfortable with.

    We will continue to follow this path. There are ups and downs and we will make a million mistakes, but Lily and I love who we’ve become. We are who we are, and we can’t go back.

    This weekend we both have separate dates planned, so long as our kids don’t get us sick with their colds. I’m supposed to go to a concert with the side piece and Lily to a party with her boyfriend. So far, I am 0-1 on trying to make it to a concert this year. I had tickets go to waste after our kids got me sick just days before. By the time any of you read this, we should know whether I remained healthy and made it to the concert.

    We appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings. Please share your thoughts. Can you go back to vanilla life? Will you get to a point where you feel you are too old and it’s time to put the toys away?

    If you made it this far you might as well subscribe because the adventures will continue! In fact, We just returned from National Swingers Weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, MO! Such an amazing time! We have so many stories and pictures to share, so you won’t want to miss out!

    Thanks for reading!

    National Swingers Weekend 2021 Lake of the Ozarks, Mo

  • Switch Hit

    Switch Hit

    We have learned so much about ourselves by exploring our sexuality together. Not so long ago our feelings about sex, sexual desires and what turned us on looked completely different from what they are today.

    A few years ago, I posted a question in a local Facebook group we are a part of. A question I thought was straight forward, but have learned the answers were anything but conclusive.

    The question was simply, “Are you more dominant or more submissive?”

    From my naïve perspective at the time, it seemed like a very black and white, night and day question. You had to be one or the other, no?

    I couldn’t have been any further from reality.

    Many commented that they are switch, depending on the situation.

    Switch? It never occurred to me that someone could be both. Exploring multiple dynamics seemed so alluring. So simple but profound.

    Still I wanted clear answers. Ultimately I was actually trying to find out which women in the group were submissive, to be honest. Another naivety. Assuming that just being submissive, perhaps would make them easily be submissive to me. Again, completely wrong!

    I rephrased the question in a way to guide them to a precise answer. Urged them to pick a side! Everyone had to have a side, right?

    Wrong again! I get it now. There are so many variants to sexual play that it makes complete sense that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual desires could be any part of the spectrum at any given time.

    Desires change and evolve. You can choose to hold back or free yourself to safely explore where things may take you. If it’s something in the end you find you don’t like, you can always stop doing it.

    For example, you may not be interested in anal play, but your partner wants you to try it with them. Are you curious? Does part of your mind whisper, “maybe you’ll love it.” If it does, give it a try. The worse thing that could happen is you try something and you dislike it. If that happens, communicate it right away. Talk to your partner. Be honest about what specifically you didn’t like. Perhaps there is an adjustment that could be made. Otherwise, if it’s not for you, that is perfectly fine! No one is required to perform any level of sexual acts.

    Consent is so important and I can not stress it enough. If you don’t like something, stop, and communicate your feelings. Read all about my thoughts on consent in my previous blog post, https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2019/10/12/consent-is-everything/

    Typically, it seems women will play the submissive role. I personally love submissive women. One of the reasons I married Lily. But you must remember, and what I have learned is, just because someone is submissive, does not mean they will submit to just anyone, at least not completely. They must have trust in their partners. This trust must be built up in order to allow someone who is naturally submissive to completely come out of their shell. That or if they orgasm, then all bets are off! At least that is how Lily operates. In the end though, honesty and trust help everyone to feel safe to try new things without fear of ridicule.

    This all starts to get into the BDSM community a bit. I am not even going to pretend to know much about BDSM, but I am learning. Some of my new kinks and fetishes definitely dabble in that kink community. I would love to learn more. I hope to share more with all of you.

    There is an event coming up this weekend, “Beat Me in St. Louis.” See what they did there? Unfortunately we will not be able to attend. There is no way we can get that many days without kids. Perhaps in the future.

    Advertised as a three day fully immersive event. All the Kink and BDSM you could ask for. They have seminars and educational presentations. It will be completely “Vanilla-Free.” Sounds like one hell of an event and a great way to learn a lot at once about the BDSM community.

    cuffs

    Find more information for the event by following the link here, https://beatmeinstl.com/

    If you happen to go, send pics or just a short paragraph of your favorite thing about the event or even if there were things you didn’t like, share those too. We would love to hear all about it!

    Getting back to submissive people, women don’t always play this part. In fact it is pretty common to have a female Dominatrix, or Domme. Gender really plays no part in who is the dominant one.

    I have started to explore my submissive side this year and have discovered some amazing erotic feelings that I never knew existed. It is fascinating to allow your inhabitations go and truly immerse yourself in the moment. Submission is not giving up all control. In fact, the submissive has the most power of all. They carry the power to control how far their dominant counterpart may take them. They are the lead character in their sexual adventure.

    Allowing myself to switch has given me some of the most highly erotic experiences ever. I still love to be dominant, but in the right moments I am happy to switch.

    As I have said in the past, I am really trying to cut ties with all labels as much as possible. Why should they matter? Labels only serve to organize you into subsets or groups. Without labels, you are free to flow naturally from one experience to the next, without guilt or misunderstandings. No hierarchy needs to be created amongst you and your partners. Be dominant, be submissive, be anything that feels right at any moment.

    You should try to let go if you have not done so before, become the submissive. Allow yourself the experience of relinquishing your control. If you do this, feel free to report back! Tell us all the dirty details!

    Having a partner who explores your sexual desires and helps to push your boundaries definitely is a bonus; some may not have a partner, we know. There are so many singles in these scenes and you can absolutely get in. Of course, women are rarely turned away. You’d have to have really fucked up good if you are a female blacklisted from anything Lifestyle related. Or if you happen to be the single bluefish, just remember this, be yourself, be respectful. I know Lily has a few bluefish she is thankful to have met and have in our lives. We have one paying her a visit tonight.

    A lot has happened with us and there is so much I need to catch everyone up on. Topics to come include, “We’re Poly Now?” We will tell all about our first poly relationships and how we struggled to maintain our life while dealing with jealousy and other issues we did not see coming. We plan to discuss cuckolding, including adventures we have explored. Such hot, intense experiences. Perhaps give some details on the “punishment” Lily received in which a friend and I delayed her orgasm several times before fucking her to multiple orgasms.

    What else…? Oh! We have decided to jump on the Only Fans train and give it a shot. Why not? We have the equipment and the means to do it. It’s the consistency we lack. Perhaps with Lily being more the focal point of an Only Fans it will drive her to help me be consistent. We shall see. If we ever get accepted.

    Picture from www.Lifeinstylestl.com

    Also, BIIIIIG NEWS! We are going to National Swingers Weekend 2021 with the LifeinStyLe STL Group! Can NOT wait! Four nights on a lake property with hundreds, perhaps thousands of swingers and lifestyle party goers. There is entertainment every day with dinners and nightly themed parties! We missed last year but are so happy and excited to be a part of it this year!

    As always, please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions or opinions you’d like to relay, or if you just want to talk to someone like minded. We love talking to people from all over and learning about what works for them in this Lifestyle and what we can perhaps take away for ourselves.

    To all our followers, thanks for bearing with us. You are very much appreciated! To those who perhaps stumbled upon this, please follow. We promise, it won’t be boring. At least, we will try not to let it be boring. Until next time!