Swing Open Authentic

Category: Swingers

  • Swinging and Politics Don’t Mix

    Wow, what a hell of a year it’s been!

    We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.

    There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜


    This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.


    Also, there is a presidential election this year.

    We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.

    We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.

    So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.

    Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.

    This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.

    I know we’ve done this.

    We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.

    They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.

    Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.

    We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.

    We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.

    We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.

    We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.

    Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.

    Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.

    Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.

    If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.

    Until next time! Stay sexy and keep swingin!

  • Consent is Everything

    Consent is Everything

    Consent is everything in any potential sexual situation. Without proper consent people can feel violated, and the possibility of a great time can go south very quickly. There is a certain level of etiquette that goes along with the LS also. It is important to be very clear about what your intentions are.

    Recently we heard of a situation where a female who was naked at a party climbed on the lap of another’s husband and attempted to kiss him. Apparently this was an unwanted advance and it caused a bit of turmoil. His wife was upset and we feel it’s rightly so.

    You have to be sure you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship. LS rules are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. We were not there so the details we’ve heard were all one sided, but in this example if the naked woman spoke with the couple before deciding to mount the husband she may have found the interest level was not a match. Which would have saved her the embarrassment of being called out. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances. This particular couple is new in the LS community. A situation like this really gives an awful preview of how things happen within the LS. It might even scare people away.

    Unfortunately this is a bit common. Women don’t seem to follow the same rules of consent as men do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are men out there doing the same things and are overly aggressive. In fact, at a recent party we ran into a bit of aggression.

    Lily was dancing with a man who she found attractive, but things took an ugly turn because he didn’t check her level of interest and became a bit too rough.

    Lily doesn’t mind some rough play; however, he crossed the line. As they danced he was asking her rules, which was good, but then he went in for a kiss. At first it was fine until he decided to bite her lip. She didn’t like that at all. It wasn’t like a pleasant nibble. It was like he was trying to take a chomp out of a steak! She pulled away quickly and wanted off the dance floor. I had no idea this was happening until she pulled me away to tell me. For a week she had a bruised lip which upset her even more due to the fact that she had to make something up to tell family and co-workers. Not cool!

    In this situation, had he asked if she was into that she would have said no and maybe he would have gotten further with her, but his aggression completely turned her off. It didn’t matter if he was her type or not. That was it for him!

    Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask ask ask. You will find everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that’s ok! Not everyone will be into you and you won’t be into everyone either.

    There are many levels to different couple’s rules and boundaries. Even something as simple as trying to message or friend request someone’s SO can cause upset. If we get into a conversation with someone we will always make it a group conversation. This makes it very clear that we are not trying to pull anyone aside or be sneaky in any way. We see it all the time where someone will make a comment that a person contacted their SO and made advances without their knowledge. This only causes distrust. It breaks trust with you and between the couple. You don’t know their dynamic. They could be in a Dom/Sub relationship for example. In this case the sub would need permission to even talk to someone else.

    You must respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You don’t know unless you ask! Many people find it sexy, polite, and they welcome it. However awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the outcome of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward!

    Thank you once again for joining us! Tell us your thoughts on consent. We have some exciting posts we’re working on. We will cover our recent break from the LS, as well as the exciting party we attended prior to it. Hoping to finish all that up soon. If you enjoy this content please like, follow, and share! If you ever have any comments or questions please reach out to us! We don’t bite. Unless you’re cool with that!

  • To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    There have been many conversations amongst LS acquaintances of ours about kissing. Some feel it’s too intimate, like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. They will give all of themselves to someone else but the lips are only for the one who they love. Others crave the sexual tension kissing builds and the connection it gives them with another person. It makes them feel wanted, sexy, and allows them to feel the chemistry they need to take it to the next level.

    Some argue that if you can have sex with someone who is not your significant other then you sure as hell should have no issue having a steamy make-out session. After all it is a vital part of foreplay, isn’t it?

    According to Bitishcouncil.org;

    “The dopamine released during a kiss can stimulate the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. As a result, we experience feelings of euphoria and addictive behaviour. Oxytocin, otherwise known as the ‘love hormone’, fosters feelings of affection and attachment.”

    https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/kiss-science-smooching

    Given this is what kissing can do to a person it makes perfect sense why some couples have reason to keep kissing to themselves. Though most we find in the LS have no ill intentions of taking your mate away and brush kissing off as a form of greeting among other like-minded people. Still it can give you pause with the realization of how strong it can effect you emotionally.

    So just how do some people even allow kissing to be on the table in an non-monogamous way without fear of destroying their own home?

    This is such an individualized thing. To have entered this lifestyle in the first place a couple must already have an extreme eternal trust. Lily and I have built a strong deep trust over the years. We tell each other everything. There should be no secrets between a lifestyle couple.  Or any couple for that matter. These experiences shared are not about one-upping or sneaking a quickie with someone else without your partner knowing. To us anyway, it’s all about experiencing it all together. There has to be a certain level of maturity and self awareness in order to make any of this work.

    We have encountered couples who don’t kiss on two occasions now. Surprisingly both were at LifeinStyleSTL Parties like the one we talk about in LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1.

    It is paramount to discuss your rules and be sure about what you as a couple will allow before any play. This alleviates any misunderstandings. Others should understand and respect those boundaries as they expect you to respect theirs.

    Dinner before meet n greet. We drank the whole bottle.

    Personally, we love kissing! We love the affection and the closeness. Yes, it is intimate but so is oral. We don’t have rules against kissing at all other than making sure the other is in agreement with who we are kissing.

    At a recent meet n greet I was kissed by two different women at separate times throughout the evening. Lily became slightly upset with me. Especially with the second one. We had some pretty intense kissing right next to her at the bar and I think she felt left out. I didn’t think anything of it but it really bothered her. It may have been more that we drank a whole bottle of wine before going out and her tipsy emotions got the best of her. She was done with the night and ready to go. It was a bit frustrating since there were so many people there we had been wanting to meet for a long time. Instead we found ourselves calling an Uber at 10:30 and she went silent for the rest of the evening.

    In hindsight I should have checked in with her before enjoying the lips of another and that was my error and lesson learned. Even though we are a couple who enjoys kissing it clearly can spark a bit of an uncomfortable situation if not discussed and agreed upon before.

    Kissing is intimate, it’s exhilarating, exciting, and oh so sexy! It can however bring up feelings in some people that may be unexpected whether you are the one kissing, being kissed, or witness to your significant other kissing. You as a couple must be honest and have a serious conversation if kissing is something you will allow or if you will keep it for yourselves.

    Tell us what you think! Are you a kissing couple? Do you share your lips or are they sealed from the lifestyle? There is no one way in the LS.

    Thanks for coming back to read our thoughts and experiences. If you have any questions that come up please do not hesitate to contact us. If there is something you would like discussed let us know and we are happy to see how we may tackle it! If you enjoy the content please be sure to like, subscribe and share with others! Kisses! 😘

  • Swinger Sites and Other Ways to Meet Lifestyle Friends

    We have been in the lifestyle for quite some time.  Having met as teenagers we found early in our relationship that sharing was an intoxicating exciting adventure we wanted to be a part of.  Still together close to half a century later our passion for the swinger lifestyle has grown immensely.  We are constantly looking for exciting new ways to meet other couples and even singles.

    From apps to swinger sites even twitter we will share a few we like what has worked for us!

    Swinger Sites

    There are so many sites these days. All the websites seem to be regional. We have signed up for many but have only forked over the money for two at this point.

    1. Swinglifestyle.com (SLS)

    https://www.swinglifestyle.com/autopilot/swinger468.cfm?signup=gdalecouple

    This was the first swinger site we ever joined.  We have been members for about seven years and have met some fun, sexy people through this website.  

    When we lived in California we found this site to be full of people just like us.  We took advantage of a one time fee to be Lifetime members.

    Known to most as SLS, it is, from what we have heard, one of the original lifestyle sites. It is fairly easy to use. Creating a profile is simple and straight forward. You will only need your email address and to complete their profile section. Then add some pictures and you are on your way.

    The search section is very easy to use and allows you to narrow the filter down to what kind of person or couple you are looking for. You can also search only paid members if you prefer.

    Members seem to be pretty active on this site. We have met and successfully had quite a few sexy encounters through the site.

    There is a section to post calendar events or “hot dates”.  If you are going to be going out and looking for someone to join you simply post a “Hot Date” with the details of what you are looking for.  Also many local and non-local events are listed.

    The messenger is a bit clunky and isn’t great for long conversations but it works well enough to get the fun started.  We usually will flip to Kik messenger like most people if the conversation is heating up.

    You will need to pay for this sites best features.  With a free account you can get a good look at everything that is provided and you may even receive messages but will not be able to send any or even reply.

    All in all we like this site.  It has worked well for us on the West Coast and the Midwest.  Though lately it has not been our goto but we still check it every now and again since we are lifetime members.

    2. Couple Fore Play (C4P)

    https://www.clubforeplay.com/

    Club Fore Play or C4P is another site we learned about in 2018. Of course it allows for profile creation and the ability to add pictures as with any of them. I don’t believe there is an ability to instant message in any way.

    There are three separate picture album categories. You have your public photo album. This is where you should post pics that will catch the eye of potential playmates. Then they have a restricted section. Non-paying members can’t see these which is kind of a cool feature but a bit unnecessary. Last you have your private photo album. This album is where your naughty pictures and even face pictures should go. You get to decide who sees them. You can remove access at any time.

    The email is pretty simple and even gives you a bunch of fun little emojis. It also gives the option to send the email as, Us, Him, or Her. That is pretty nice as a lot of times I will vet people and don’t want to start off as we are both responding.

    I don’t think they offer a lifetime membership but we have used it pretty often and met some great friends. We simply signed up for a year or two.

    Like SLS it has a section where all the local and regional events are taking place. You can sign up easily directly through the site for parties and meet n greets.

    There are features to send a wink with a brief message. It’s a nice little ice breaker to let someone know you are interested. We have received winks from couples who we then reached out to with an email.

    One thing I don’t care for, and actually it is like this on both sites, is that when you check out a profile the member(s) know that you have been looking. It would be nice to anonymously browse. I understand why they do it this way is to promote interaction but sometimes you are enticed by a profile picture only to find out once opening the entire profile that they may not be a match for you. It would be nice to have that person(s) not know unless you want them to.

    I am really only covering sites we are paid members on because it is difficult to review any of these sites as only a free member as you really don’t have access to everything. However there are many other sites very similar like SDC.com, Kasadie.com, older ones like Adultfriendfinder or Fetlife. There are so many available and most are regional. Let us know which you prefer and what has worked for you!

    PHONE APPS

    Another avenue is phone apps. Although we have not used this method all that much we gave a couple a try.

    Tinder

    Tinder was created as a local dating app and allows you to swipe right or left to decide if you are interested in someone. A connection is made when you both swipe the same right. You are then able to send a message to get to know the person.

    Never really had much luck with this app. You can go through all the photos in a day and only make a handful of connections. Out of those connections many didn’t even respond to a message sent. I have heard this is a hookup app but we did not experience that from it and really got nothing out of it’s use. Most people are single and it doesn’t really lend itself to couples though we have heard some people have success.

    3fun

    3fun is an app that advertises itself for threesomes and swingers. The problem with it right off is there just aren’t enough members. It is very regional and not quite enough people have signed up in this area as of yet. If they get the numbers up it could be pretty great. It is nice to not have to explain that you are part of a couple like in tinder. https://www.go3fun.co/ad/TK10121

    Social Media

    If you don’t know, you have got to find out! Social media seems to be the way to go to truly make meeting local swingers easy! You can quickly find out so much about the community around you with a simple hashtag!

    Twitter

    This is where we started. Twitter is a hot spot for naughty fun. We never knew there was a dirty secret side to twitter until we started listening to some of the Lifestyle Podcasts and the hosts would say to follow them on Twitter. Checking out their page would connect us to other pages with similar interest. Eventually we started to notice there were tons of sexy fun people in Twitter land who lived right in our own community or very close to it! This is how we discovered the LifeinstyleSTL group who throws those amazing parties like we talk about in https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2018/09/26/lifeinstyle-hotel-takeover-part-1/

    Meeting that group bust the local scene wide open for us and it was all thanks to Twitter.

    Twitter is so easy to use and you likely have an account. We love it because we find the anonymity sexy and alluring. We began sharing the occasional sexy picture here and there and interacting with a few podcasters. It is all about the hashtag. I fought for years with myself to never say hashtag. It was always the number sign or pound key but! Well I gave in! A few key hashtags will link you to a very sexy and explicit world where swingers, freaks, and sex fiends collide.

    At first we were very selective about who we allowed to follow us and we kept our account locked. That all changed when we met a few other people who used their account not only to interact with other sexy swingers but also to promote, grow, and even make money!

    We still maintain our anonymity but we are in several groups who retweet and share our posts to help us gain a larger audience. This is great for cam models or those who are looking to sell something. We haven’t quite crossed that line just yet but who knows what the future may hold?

    Ever since Tumblr cracked down on adult content Twitter has been flooded with people of all sexual appetites! While we personally do not use it as an avenue to meet others in the Lifestyle anymore due to one follower who kind of ruined it for us, it totally can be used in that way. With the amount of users it’s reach never seems to end.

    Facebook

    For meeting others local and vetting them quickly there is really no comparison. Facebook has become our go to for finding out the latest events and local gatherings. There are so many groups and they are all hidden. We have a profile specifically set up for these groups so it does not overlap into our vanilla world. We don’t know for sure but assume these private groups are likely the norm in most communities. For us it seemed like once we got into one we began being invited to others. We are in groups for just our city, others for surrounding cities, and even ones for our whole state or adjacent states.

    In these groups people share funny memes, everyday chit chat , and naughty pics. The pictures aren’t quite as naughty as twitter due to the strict policies. Many members often get their account suspended for pushing the limits. They end up in “Facebook jail”. This has happened to us a handful of times. Sometimes we’d challenge the suspension because there was no full nudity. Some of these rulings were reversed in our favor. Others we would serve a 24 hour suspension. I think the most we ever had was a few days. Which isn’t bad since we know some people who have had several 30 day suspensions. Nonetheless you have to be careful what you share. While you can still choose to be mostly anonymous if you’d like it is easy to be yourself in most of these groups and it really is beneficial to do so. You find out how small the swinger community is very quickly and it is easy to meet other play partners because these groups are so localized.

    We love Facebook for the easy of use and the ability to make friends easily. One piece of advice if you are going to create a Lifestyle profile. Make sure to block your personal profile. Otherwise your Lifestyle profile will be recommended to friends and family.

    I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything. I am terrible at follow up and there was a time where we considered creating a podcast instead. If you are still with me I thank you for coming back!

    We have been through so much this year in the Lifestyle. Recently we have hit a wall. We are needing to step aside a bit and focus on our relationship a bit. That being said I have so much I want to tell you all so I will try to keep posting. I am going to try to figure a way to explain what has happened to cause us to want to take a break. Unfortunately sometimes you run in to things you didn’t expect going in and they cause you to have to take some time to process before you are able to go forward.

    Although we love our naughty escapades, our marriage and family always come first.

    Thanks again for reading. Tell me if any of these options worked for you in your pursuit of sexiness!