Swing Open Authentic

Category: Lifestyle

  • Times They Are A-Changin

    Times They Are A-Changin

    Do you ever get stuck feeling ashamed of the life you have chosen? Many of us were taught to find that one true love. We were told there is this mystical person out there who will fit perfectly, meet our every need, and be our soul mate. If you are a woman, HE will be your prince charming. He will sweep you off your feet and swoon you into a life of “happily ever afters” . If you’re a man, SHE will be your perfect dream girl, your queen and sex goddess. She will tend to your every need and you will live in bliss!

    Well, we have decided these lessons were all a bunch of bullshit. Passed down from generation to generation. Stemming from a puritanical society. The same society who would have us believe not only that we lack the capability to love more than one person at a time, but the ONE you choose must be of the opposite sex. These unspoken rules of relationships leave some afraid to ever look beyond the norm for fear of ridicule or being cast aside by those they believed to be friends and in some cases even family.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before, but an acquaintance once told me, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man. They just haven’t been fucked by right one to turn them gay.”

    Not knowing how to react to such ignorance, I simply laughed and moved on. The number of openly bisexual women in the LS community is staggering. It’s encouraged, supported and sought after by every couple and single.  Everyone is chasing their unicorn.

    How do we help this community, who claims to be accepting of all to go further and actually be completely accepting of all?

    One thing we can do is step out in the open and realize many of us are the same. I can not tell you the number of men I have met with in the community who says they are bi or at least curious but they don’t tell anyone for fear of what it could mean.

    Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum! I have learned that this year. Recently, The Red Couch talks about this in their recent post about Bisexual Men in the Swingers Community https://theredcouch.co/2021/09/21/bisexual-men-swingers-community/

    https://theredcouch.co/

    My journey this year followed a plan to revisit my interest in men. Muscular dominant men to be exact. Most of my current friends are unaware in my past I considered my self bi-curious, yet never pursued this interest. Besides a few adventurous nights in my youth, after about 2000, I had left this part of me in the rear view.

    Growing up with three older brothers, the raw testosterone that coursed through our home, was fueled even more by my overbearing step-father doing his best to mold us in to fine strapping young men. Being the youngest out of us four allowed me to slack slightly on much of the hard labor, yet still reap some of the benefits. They’d hunt and fish. I’d eat well. They’d learn how to fix cars and clean guns. I got high and learned drums and guitar. I wrote songs, read plays, and was the hopeless romantic. While they played sports, chased girls, and got in fights.

    Perhaps my status as baby of the house coupled with my brothers tendency to steal my food if I stepped away from the table even for a second, kept me a bit smaller than the rest of my siblings. Ranging from 5’11” to 6’2″ or maybe 6’3″ and built like lineman, with each of them having played such for our high-school football teams. The oldest went on to play football through college on a partial scholarship as a nose tackle.

    They were your basic rough and tough guy jocks. I don’t know what kept me from following along like one more lemming, but I couldn’t be more different.  All my life I dreamed of being a Hollywood star. My style was always a bit eclectic, sporting wide leg JNCOs with long hair, thinking I looked like Kurt Cobain in my later high school days.(I did not) In Middle school I’d often emulate movie characters in the way I’d dress. Especially from mafia movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I’d show up in loafers, dress pants and a silk purple shirt with my hair slicked back like a real greaseball. Around my neck I wore a fake gold chain that went perfect with my gold ring, watch and bracelet. No wonder I started getting picked on more often.

    A bit of a class clown is what kept some friends with me, cracking jokes like, “I’m not gay my boyfriend is” was par for the course.

    This love for the music and the arts was passed down from my father who was a Theater teacher, as well as a performer in his own right. Even today he continues write and perform in plays and play music in a blues band all around the area. As a child I went to rehearsals and performances of his. Captivated by the sense of play, the fun of playing dress up and pretending really caught hold of me.

    My parents were divorced when I was about 2 years old. My dad remarried twice as of today, but my first stepmother had a daughter who happened to be lesbian. We didn’t discuss it much, but I heard she married another woman and they both wore tuxedos. Although I also heard she was now divorced and married to a gay man or something. None of this ever seemed odd to me. Even with my rather conservative up bringing.

    Of course my actions and behavior around others was very different. My brother’s could never know I was ok with someone being gay. Even one of our cousins, who never hid his sexuality for a second, They would treat like family to his face, but make awful comments if he were to be brought up when not around. It was difficult and looking back now, I am ashamed of my behavior and things I’ve said regarding the gay community. The jokes I made at their expense, often to just fit in are inexcusable. Not saying I’m flying the LBGTQ+ flag and getting all political about it. But the part that truly matters is allowing people to be with and love who ever they feel is right for them. People don’t marry or have relationships for a community. They do it for themselves. Connections make us feel whole. Personal happiness is just that, personal. As mentioned before, I am out of fucks! Running Out of Fucks

    Recently, a post from our Instagram @Swingopenmo was inadvertently sent these three older brothers. There was no connection to us really and I was able to remove the post so the link would come back empty if they were to click on it. Still they could read the Instagram blurb that goes above the post. They made their jokes, but I played it off as it was someone else’s that was sent to me, and I then sent it to them in error. Whether they bought it or not the jury is still out, but I nearly pulled the mask off and just told them the truth. I keep asking myself, what difference does it make? No matter how they respond, we love who we are and do not intend to change. But we decided to just let it be.

    Well, Today is National Coming Out Day after all. Lily is not entirely on board with the idea to be completely open just yet, but she is considering it. But today’s post is about me opening up to the LS community and beginning to be more honest with myself.

    From a young age I was aware of my sexuality. Many nights I’d spend exploring my body. Often blurring the lines of gender in my mind.  I discovered rather quickly this spectrum of sexuality. Gay or straight never mattered much in my mind. To me, if the moment was hot and it turned me on, then I was likely to give it a try. We don’t always need labels. Things can be left to be whatever they are without categorizing.

    As covered in the beginning in Retribution, we got into swinging while doing a lot of ecstasy in our late teens early twenties. Chris, who I’ve talked about before as one of my best childhood friends would share Lily off and on for a couple years. One night, Lily, Chris and I thought it’d be fun to shower together. We were still coming off rolling the night before, and our bodies were still craving to be touched. Although Lily was there for us to use as we pleased, our hands moved all over. Lily was very interested in all of us exploring each other. She was kissing him, he was kissing her, he was touching me and I was rubbing on him.  There were no lines drawn and no boundaries. We wanted to see what a double blow job would be like. Not having another girl was no issue. We simply took turns helping Lily suck. Allowing each to get a chance to feel what it was like. The whole experience was insanely erotic for us three. The warm shower dripping down on the three of us as we pleasured each other other without shame, guilt, or misunderstanding. Gender didn’t matter to me. The moment pulled me in, our hormones were through the roof.

    Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go try it. If you are a “super straight”, then just equate it to two women and you’ll be fine.

    I am fully aware that putting this out there, might cause some of you to distance yourself from me and that’s ok. Lily is still by my side and that is the most important thing to me. Not to mention my girlfriend and all the others who I have already opened up to.

    Taking this year to explore what I felt may have been my bi-sexual side quickly turned to me realizing I am completely pansexual. I’ve had new adventures trying things I never realized I’d enjoy. Like a hot blonde with a strap on! Highly recommend. I’ve also had threesomes and foursomes where everyone was touching everyone. There were no awkward moments with someone shouting, “No Homo”. 

    I had to ask myself, am I having a midlife crisis? Is this actually something I want to be doing? I could see no reason why not.

    For those who are my friends and our friends, please note, I do not intend to try to fuck everyone. Consent is still a very real thing. If you haven’t heard, we did discuss that in a previous blog post. Consent is Everything

    Coming out on National Coming Out day has been my plan all year. Thinking back, these feelings were sprinkled throughout my life even before Lily and Chris.

    Flashes of my childhood flicker in my mind. At just 4 years old, in preschool we were all outside playing in the school yard, as children do. It was a beautiful day with very few clouds in the sky. It’s difficult to remember, but there was a blacktop parking lot that led to a play yard. The sprawling grounds of ragged weed infested grass, old tires half buried created a fun little obstacle course. Up a hill to the left stood a wooden playground with multiple layers and platforms. You know the kind. They have a high risk for leaving a child stuck with a irremovable splinter. The platforms created a bit of cover which was a perfect little hideout. This particular day, there seemed to be extra interest in the small hideaway as children gathered to see what was happening.

    Seeing a few other children head in that direction, I too became curious not wanting to be the only one not part of whatever the excitement was all about. Looking into the the wooden covered bunker, a few girls were lying on their stomachs with their pants down leaving their naked butts out for all to see. They were giggling as a couple boys crawled down the line of girls, giving them a kiss on their “cheeks”.

    Now, I don’t quite recall how I got involved, but I had a sudden urge to join them. Not as one of the boys though. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls. So I went to the far end to the left and laid face down ass up, like the rest of the girls. The boys played along without question, without ridicule.

    Sometime during that same year, I slept over one of the boy’s houses. They lived in a double wide. His parents had set up and indoor tent for us, or perhaps it was an outdoor one, simply placed indoors. It’s never easy to visualize each moment from the eighties, but I do know, in that tent he and I played the same game we had on the playground at preschool.. Again, I pretended to be the pretty girl.

    There were multiple times early in life I found myself having this urge to be more feminine. Not in a cross dressing drag queen way or anything. There was one time I tried on a dress my mother had on the drying line in the basement by the washer and dryer, but the thought to dress pretty never really occurred to me back then. Though I did sometimes envy girls clothing. They get all the cute accessories. Occasionally I’d wrap my blanket around me and pretend to be a girl. There were times I can recall wishing I would wake up as a girl, thinking my life would be much easier that way.

    Perhaps it was seeing the power of women through my mother. She raised us on her own basically for about seven years of our lives. She’d stop at nothing to provide for us. They say men are the tougher gender, but the women around me were tough as nails and amazing providers. My mom has 4 sisters and 5 brothers. They grew up very poor. All of the women in this family are bad ass bitches who are also extremely motherly and caring. I understood the power of being a strong women more than most boys. At least I felt I did.

    My point in bringing all this up is to give an understanding as to how long I hid this within me. The spectrum I discovered within myself has led to some of the most mind blowing orgasms ever. They have allowed me to be the assertive dominant male towards Lily and most woman and switch to the coy and timid submissive I enjoy being toward the right guy. I’ve even found a major attraction to many transwomen. I think mainly due to Tik Tok.

    Had Lily and I not become swingers, I may never had explored this part of me. Being poly now has opened my mind to even considering finding a boyfriend. This is something I once asked if I could do with Chris, my high school friend. Back then, it was not something Lily was as open to though she never mind me playing with him. So I am currently taking applications. Really I am open to dating anyone I feel a bond with.

    This decision was tough for Lily and I. She is afraid of the reaction from those we know in our local LS Community. Hopefully they will see we are the same couple. I am no different than the day before, you just know me a little better. Maybe understand me a bit more. It’s not wrong to share things and know about each other.

    In the interest of National Coming Out, I have decided to add to the Swing Open world by coming out with my podcast in 2022! The ‘Unapologetic Podcast’ will be about living life on our terms without fear of what anyone around us thinks. Living to cherish the things that serve your happiness and let go of all the negative behaviors that hold us down.

    If you have been following along there has been a bit of a theme this year leading up to me admitting to everyone, including myself about being Pansexual. This is something I believe has always been a part of me. Never until now did I feel safe to admit it. If you picked apart the references and innuendos then perhaps you already understood where we were going with all this. There are some who already know this about me and those I’ve told, to this point have been so amazing and supportive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who are reading this and continue to support my writing. You are truly appreciated.

    We will get back to more swingers things going forward, I have a post coming soon that will discuss some of the exploration Lily and I have done with cuckold play. Also the long awaited review from our kinky adventures at National Swingers Weekend 2021! We can’t wait to bring you the podcast! Thank you for reading!

  • What the F*ck Are We Doing?

    What the F*ck Are We Doing?

    Why do we torture ourselves? Two are high school sweethearts, just having celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We are very much in love and yet, here we are. Going on dates, or trying to, anyways. Why? People like us, out there on dates!? Many of us weren’t any good at it in high school or college. So, here’s an idea. How about now we get out there and bring all the self-doubt, fears of rejection, and potential heartbreak back into our lives? Like, literally what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck is wrong with us? There’s got to be a common thread. A vine of some sort that links us all, intertwined in these taboos, this, “alternative” relationship world. But, what?

    The way it grows, expands and takes over is fascinating. There seems to be a progression to which you are no longer touching your toes in the water. You’re performing full on somersault swan dives into the deep end. People look to you for answers. They want to know where the best parties are. They want to get in.

    It all really comes back to boundaries and how far you are willing to push your own. In the beginning, it was how far we could push them as a couple. Overall, it still is, but we have reached a point of comfort and freedom where we are able to individually explore any avenue we feel might nourish our existence.

    Don’t mistake comfort for a mundane old relationship that has lost its spontaneity and luster, forcing us to look beyond each other for gratification. We have created a completely safe and accepting extension to the already amazing bond we share.

    Recently, I’ve been talking with someone who has been in my life since I was 13 years old. My first kiss. My first love. Sure, maybe it was puppy love, but even at 13 we were together for about a year. Which is longer than even most adult relationships these days. Now a grown woman, with that same adorable laughter, the same sweet voice, the same beautiful soul. Though we have not seen each other in nearly a decade, the fiery connection we shared in our youth has never completely extinguished. If the opportunity to date her were possible, it could become serious rather quickly. Like pouring gasoline on that flame.

    With all this happening, it dawned on me that I have kept in contact with nearly every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Even short relationships, or ones that didn’t end quite as dignified as they could have, we are no longer at odds. Each hold a special place in my heart. Flickers of memories like a film strip of my life, strung together in a sequence of relationships, new love and broken hearts. A simple click on any one of their Facebook profiles instantly brings back a flurry of memories, like opening a time portal.

    We are no longer kids. She is married and they are not LS. She is intrigued however. My ethical side tells me to keep things platonic. We are not here to cause collateral damage.

    It happens often. A friend with curiosity causing them to ask questions and begin considering a peek into the other side. Sometimes you need a friend to help guide you or at least be there to walk with you into uncharted territory. Other times you are the guide. However, you must be careful not to take advantage of their curiosity. If you are going to bring them into this community, do it with class. Do it at their pace. It must be completely 100% consensual.

    Read all about our thoughts on consent in our past entry: Consent is Everything

    We have moments ourselves, where we need guidance. A couple weeks back, I went on an adventure like never before. Some newer friends showed me a world I would not even have considered when we had our typical monogamous marriage.

    My point is, once you get to a place where you have your safety and support, you find yourself able to open up and give the same to others. In the end, it all comes down to loving and being loved. Caring for each other as humans should. There is enough hatred and sadness, why create more? Love, and share your love with others.

    I literally used to be the one who would walk around and talk about how I hate people and everyone sucks. Realizing now more than ever, hating everyone around you is a sure fire way to leave you isolated.

    Perhaps that’s why we have come back to the dating scene. Even though Lily and I have each other, we are rebuilding love we let wilt in our past. We moved a few times around the country, from one coast to the other and back to the middle. This never made it easy to create deep bonds.

    A friend was having a rough day a few weeks ago. An argument with a family member left her in tears. She called me. Why? She felt I could be there for her in the moment she needed someone. It was kind of amazing to be needed in that way.

    The odd thing is, neither my ex-girlfriend from my teenage years nor my friend in need are even having a sexual relationship with me. I think finding our way into this poly-world has made me start caring about people again! Don’t quote me. I am still not sure how I feel about it and I have a reputation to uphold. I am still an asshole; I promise you that. Maybe it’s old age or life experience. Who knows? It’s like that moment when the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes.

    So we get back out there. Some looking for answers and how to break into the LS. Excited, naïve, and filled with dreams of constant sexual gratification. Others look for connections and deeper meaningful lifelong relationships. What ever the case is, we are open and vulnerable again. It makes us feel alive, I suppose.

    The same shyness, inadequacies, self doubt we had before still scream in our ears. Every meet and greet we attend and every date we go on, trying to fulfill a need for acceptance and to be loved.

    Recently, I was able to go out for a rather short “guys night”. Just to a bar for a few hours, if that. We had the oddest conversation with a couple different ladies. We sat at the corner of a shelf-top railing like table, with our backs facing the bar as we watched Karaoke singers take their turns in the spotlight. Sitting in the center, with Ben to my right and LE to my left, we scanned the bar for potential new friends. Ben was pretty into a game he was playing on his phone but was following the conversation. LE on the other hand seemed to know everyone in the bar, being a bit of a regular.

    There was one girl dancing a bit and seemed to be in a friendly mood. LE was able to catch her eye for a moment and motioned for her to come join us. To my surprise she walked over. Her dark hair tied back in a ponytail made her adorable smile and glittery eyes shine in the strobe. She was hesitant but intrigued. Her name escapes me but she wore jeans and a tight black top. Her cellphone stuck out of her back pocket making it difficult to to discern if the shape of her ass was real or simply an optical technological illusion provided by the phone.

    LE asked her name and where she was from. She lived not far, but apparently her friend had left her at the behind. Seems to be a common theme I’ve encountered throughout my life. Like the damsel in distress. I always somehow meet the girl who’s friend left them behind. But I digress.

    LE inquired about her status. To which she said she was single, though there was a guy at the bar she had met just that night. Bold as he is, LE wasted little time getting to the point; he asked if he would like to come hangout with us and we would take her home. I don’t recall how it came up, perhaps I threw out a comment about Lily or something, but she learned Ben and I were married. Also that both our wives were at home fully aware and ok with us out potentially picking up women. In fact, we explained my situation and having not only a wife, but a “sidepiece” and everyone is good with it. I explained that Lily also dates separately on occasion. She was in shock.

    “No, no, no! That’s not right,” she said with a smirk and a glint of curiosity in her eye.

    She told us how that’s not how she was raised, and that she is way too jealous for something like that. She laughed it off and told us she was going to stand back at the bar. By that time I needed to catch a buzz. Having a bowl and weed in my pocket, for medicinal purposes of course. I jumped up, walked over to her and asked if she smoked.

    She said, “yes.” I followed with “do you want to smoke with me?”

    Another yes, and she followed me to the door. Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying anything with her, but my curiosity was in her point of view. What was so wrong about my marriage and our situation as husband and wife?

    We smoked and discussed it. She told me it’s not something that she thinks is wrong, but that she just is too jealous and it would never work for her. That was good enough for me. At least she didn’t think me to be some kind of monster. On one hand I don’t care how others feel about it, but also see it as a moment to offer a different perspective on relationships that perhaps before they really didn’t understand.

    We smoked the bowl and talked about the basics, where she grew up, etc. Once finished, we headed back in and she went off to dance with the guy she had met earlier.

    Ben and LE, looked at me with wonder, likely thinking something had happened between the vanilla and I. Last they saw me make a move to talk to her and head out the door with her. I suppose I could have made up a decent tale of how she sucked me off behind the building, or I bent her over a car, but I simply told them the truth.

    Last call came and people began to head out in groups. A gorgeous blond, my kryptonite, passed by with her man in tow after leaving the pool table. Her tight jeans outlined her curves in all the right places and we gawked as men do, though LE was not so enticed. He told me of a run in he had with her. Apparently he did not think highly of her.

    At that moment as another group of patrons passed by, LE reached out to another blond who was talking loudly about going to the casino and how she is out partying with her daughter. She gave her daughter a hug and told her she would see her at the casino and to my disbelief was pulled in by LE’s uncanny ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She stood next to me in the same spot as the last girl, talking across me to LE. There was bit of small talk until they landed on something of interest. She mentioned briefly how she moved from California. Lily and I spent the majority of our twenties in Los Angeles. We talked about parts of California we had been and she mentioned having been in a few films. We asked, what sort of films? To which she laughed at the question and skirted around the question. She also talked about her family owning an Island in the Caribbean. At this point we weren’t sure if we were being played or actually speaking to a multi-millionaire, former porn star in a random Missouri suburban bar. With this in mind, we circled back to her “acting” career as the topic of conversation. We thought for sure if this person was open minded enough to participate in sexual acts on camera for pay, she would definitely understand a life like the three of us were a part of.

    LE gave her the rundown and asked how she felt about me having a girlfriend and a wife, knowing they were both ok with the arrangement. Her face filled with shock and discomfort, as if I had told her that her partner had cheated! It was an awkward moment. She reacted nearly identical to the previous vanilla, but with more disdain. She said how it was wrong and that is not how relationships should be. She nearly seemed to get upset about it, which was odd as it was not her relationship. She could not get out the door and away from us heathens fast enough.

    LE was puzzled by the exchange. He sad, “I can’t believe we just got judged by a fucking porn star.”

    In that moment it occurred to me, that we have spent so much time around people with open marriages of some kind and far more open minds, that to be around those who don’t understand our choices, seems almost foreign to us. Feeling like an outcast and perhaps something must be wrong with me, then I recalled the number of like-minded individuals we partied with at National Swingers Weekend 2021 not long ago and know I am not alone. Maybe they are the outcast? Perhaps there are no outcasts. That’s the beauty of it. No one should ever feel ashamed for how they choose to live their lives. We are not all the same. What one does in their personal lives and relationships, does not effect other’s who are not directly involved. We are consenting adults. We know all the risks, and we choose to live this way because it is who we are.

    “My choice is what I choose to do and If I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” – Ben Harper

    Though his song was referring to my other favorite pastime, it applies to so many other facets of life. We could just as easily judge others and admittingly have. We all cling to what’s familiar. It’s like a security blanket to a toddler. Though some of us see beyond the norm and dare to be different. We push our limits and shift our values to fit how we want our lives to be. After all, we only live it once!

    We hope you enjoyed reading and welcome any and all feedback. Having readers at all is a wonderful thing and you are so appreciated. Thank you for allowing us to share our thoughts and our world with you.

    There is so much in the works here at Swing Open. Although we don’t have any huge parties lined up, we have gone to several smaller engagements and have also had some very scandalous independent adventures. Lily with her pool party escapade and myself with my sidepiece late night lap dance on a bench on Main Street. We were suppose to attend a hotel party with some friends, but Lily came down with a nasty cold. Instead of anything kinky that weekend, she was in bed while I wrangled the kids all around. We still have so much to unravel and tell about National Swingers Weekend down at the lake, and you won’t want to is that!

    Be sure to subscribe and follow all the social medias out there! Now on Instagram and Facebook, @Swingopenmo. Also LE can be followed on Twitter @BBC_lite and Ben and his beautiful Olivia can be also be found on Twitter @BenandOlivia2. Please share your comments, send your questions, and share with your friends. After all, sharing is caring. Thanks again for reading!

  • We Can’t Go Back

    We Can’t Go Back

    How can we? How can any couple, bluefish, or unicorn for that matter, create a life of intensely erotic escapades, fulfilling their deepest desires, through wild sexual adventures, simply, walk away?

    We see it all the time. Recently, a couple, I think for the second time since we’ve known them, made a post stating, “We are leaving the Lifestyle!”

    But can they? Of course, it is completely their prerogative and there could be a million reasons why they are taking a step back. Don’t get me wrong, taking a break is fairly common in most LS journeys. Perhaps they stumbled upon emotions they, as a couple, were just not prepared to handle. Whatever the reason, it is always a good idea to step back, when needed, and reconnect with your primary partner, or even yourself. That being said, once this world is tapped into, how can anyone go completely back? 

    Can you?

    Completely?

    I suppose it depends on how deep you have gone. How far down the rabbit hole have you fallen?

    Personally, we struggle with even spending time with vanillas now. Hanging out at the neighborhood pool, listening to the dads drone on and on about 401k’s and the latest video games. Watching them gawk at neighborhood MILFs in bikini’s, knowing they will never touch another body outside of their marriage. Though even intamcy at home is rationed out as a cheap gift on special occasions. They make jokes about how they haven’t had a bj in years, but claim that it’s just part of marriage. It’s exhausting! I want to blurt out, “Not in my marriage!”

    It’s just so difficult to be around. We can’t be ourselves. We must be a different version of ourselves anyway. Life is too short to spend it pretending to be someone you’re not. Just more of my “running out of fucks” journey, I suppose.

    If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to check out my post on how I am giving up trying to please others or give in to social constructs. Maybe I was baked or just being pissy, but check it out! Running Out of Fucks

    One thing we have learned from our recent poly relationships is, once you allow emotion in, it becomes even more difficult to walk away. Sex with someone you care about or share a strong bond with is far more satisfying than any gangbang orgy fuck fest you could attend. Unless you are really into those of course. We do not kink shame here!

    Deeper connections become habitual and that becomes the new craving. Beyond sex, beyond kinks or fetishes. Love. It bonds people and gives more profound meaning to relationships. 

    So, what happens when you try to leave all that behind?

    In our experience, it’s causes friction in the primary relationship. Of course, this is going to be different for everyone, but a lot of times we see the same couples who announce their departure, come back months or even years later. Perhaps they felt a part of themselves missing.  Often one partner may be the driving force to leave the lifestyle behind, while the other never wanted it to end in the first place.

    Perhaps the jealousy they faced was too much of a burden. Maybe they felt their partner’s attention shift and they didn’t like how it left them feeling.

    Typically, when a new partner enters the picture, there is a dynamic change. There is a shift that is felt, even if the person who has created the shift doesn’t realize it. It can be as simple as, every day at lunchtime you’d receive a text from your partner but suddenly it happens later in the day, or less often. It’s that new relationship energy and it’s a bitch!  

    Jealousy is an emotion. It sucks and can make you feel like you’re dying inside, but emotions are triggered by traumas which cause specific reactions from within. Heal the trauma, get to the root of the jealousy and it can be unlearned and controlled. We still have moments ourselves but are getting better at handling our own jealousy.

    Jealousy is a fucked-up thing. Personally, it became less of an issue for me as I got older. I would share Lily with friends without a second thought, simply to see her lost in pleasure. Any jealousy issues that were shouting to me, were quickly muffled by the intense sexual afterglow we’d be in. However, when we entered a polyamorous situation, it brought the bitch out of me. I will admit. There were a lot of emotions that welled up in me that I had forgotten were even there.

    If you’re unaware, Lily changed our dynamic completely in the beginning of the year, when she fell in love with someone else. She still loved me and didn’t want us to change, but she wanted to have this new boyfriend be a very important part of her life. She nearly cucked me into the situation and, at times in their relationship, she actually did dabble in cuck play. There was little I could do or say because she knew how much it turned me on. We realized it was an exciting new adventure for us and really played into the kink of it. We found it hot and exciting, and it ended up being the thing I’d focus on which helped me to adjust and feel confident that she still loved me and reassured me as we shared in these intense and passionate situations.

    At first, when Lily decided she was going to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t too concerned. We had known him for a while before they took it to that level. He was always respectful and treated her good. I saw it like any other fwb for her. But when things turned emotional, I had to check myself pretty quick. It wasn’t easy at first. Not for either of us. Eventually I found someone just to prove I could and, I guess and my own separate relationship took off. But, when Lily’s relationship ended, she felt the jealousy and dynamic shift from me.

    After listening to a couple podcasts, working with our therapist, lots of research, like reading The Ethical Slut, we were able to find the tools to deal with the jealousy or the alone moments. Now, instead of feeling uneasy when one of us goes out with someone, we focus on something in our moment. For example, I might use it as an opportunity to blog or play guitar or do just about anything to reconnect with myself. Lily might read or watch an awful dating “reality” show. You can never stop trying to discover yourself. Trust me, there are always new things you can learn. I am living proof of that this year!

    The therapist we see is well versed in alternative relationships, ethical non-monogamy and an amazing source of knowledge on all sorts of kinks. If you can find a good therapist to guide you through this journey, we highly recommend it. Don’t go it alone. The tools are out there and available to you. Listen to podcasts that cover this stuff. Talk to friends who have gone through it. Read more blogs like ours. There are plenty of books that help to dive into the topic as well. Hell, message us! We love to chat with people, especially about LS related stuff!

    One of my best sources and ear to bend was a mutual friend on Facebook. I reached out to her because I knew from her posts that she was in a polyamorous relationship and had been previously. She’s been a saint with my endless issues and all the questions I’d bother her with. She was so patient and understanding. She had been where I was at some point. Her and her boyfriend make it look so simple and seamless. He is married to another beautiful woman, but their relationships are separate. I believe it’s called a “V”. We are still learning all this. From the outside they look like they have it all together but what we don’t see is all the work that went in to get them to this point. This year they celebrated their one-year anniversary, and we wish them many more.

    So, I ask…

    again…

    Can you go back?

    The night I began writing this, Lily was out on a “dick date” as she called it. Their connection could go anywhere. It certainly has all the makings of a relationship beyond simply friends. They seem to like each other. He and I hit it off pretty well also which is always bonus points, because obviously Lily wants us to get along. She is being cautious, however. Her emotions are still pretty raw from the breakup with her ex. Her tolerance for men is dropping daily it seems.

    She commented recently, a couple times, “Maybe I should just get a girlfriend!”

    So, ladies if you’re reading this, take her out! Show her the fun a basic fuck boy never will.

    I wonder if she could ever have a girlfriend. She certainly is attracted to women. She occasionally craves their soft touch and gentle kisses, but at the end of the day, she is all about cock. Let’s be real here. We are who we are.

    One thing I’ve noticed is, her always meeting single men. Her and I have discussed this. Sure, there are some who are genuine and probably would make excellent boyfriends, but most of these single guys are single for a reason it seems. Either they don’t want to commit, or no one wants to commit to them. On the other hand, dating someone single has its benefits. Currently I am seeing someone, and we have nowhere to go if we want to be intimate. Both of us have families at home while we are out.

    I also see a single girl as well. She is the same girl I left standing in the rain in front of a bar a few months ago. I know it sounds awful. I did offer a ride home. I also broke things off abruptly when we were at the bar, so I get why she didn’t want to get in a car with me. So, she waited for an Uber as I walked in the rain back to my car.

    I had to do it. It was clear that nothing was going to work at that moment. Lily and I were not emotionally prepared for polyamory. It became painfully obvious to everyone involved at the time. If we didn’t put a stop to it all, things may have turned ugly. And she knew that. We all did.

    Now, however, after several sessions with our amazing therapist, many meaningful conversations with each other, Lily and I are much better at managing these emotions.

    We realized, and both admitted, we couldn’t go back to just being swingers. We’re definitely not going to be monogamous. We both enjoy this all too much and it fulfills a part of us that is needed.

    Don’t get me wrong, with all the swinger events we attend, casual play is still a very big part of us. After all, we are sluts. But now we can delve deeper into passions and connections to allow for something more profound and real to be built.

    My “Side Piece,” as she refers to herself as of late, has been amazing to spend time with since some burdens were lifted. We picked right up where we left off and things have been pretty great. We don’t have a label. Haven’t really discussed one too much this time. I don’t think there are any real expectations. We simply live in the moment. We see each other about once a week or when we can. We might go to a nice dinner and to a bar, or just have a peaceful evening at her place with a bottle of wine. Either way we always seem to enjoy our time together. Our focus is only on each other. Not work, not kids, not anything else. That is our time. That is how we try to approach connections with others now. We allow them to rise naturally to whatever they may become, and we put our focus in the moment as much as possible.

    Now we really can’t go back. Once that emotional bridge is crossed, the bridge falls behind and you must be real, raw, and open to whatever comes. Find new ways to deal with emotions. If you’ve done the work and your primary foundation is strong, it can be amazing.

    I remember my Facebook consigliere told me that “Couples privilege” sucks. I didn’t know what that meant right away. But now I totally get it. That single person, on the outside of the relationship is very real. They have emotions and needs like the rest of us. At the end of the day, they usually don’t go to sleep with the person they care about. They only get a small portion, but they learn to be content, and gracious. They deserve to have their voice recognized.

    Things are much different now. We even went out for drinks, the three of us. Lily, side piece and me. What a surreal moment. My gorgeous wife to my left, an old fashioned in my hand, and my beautiful, “side piece,” to my right. We laughed and talked about everything. We were able to all find common ground. For starters, for God only knows why, they both want to spend time with me.

    In awkward moments I was able to entertain them with my randomness. We had a good laugh at my expense as I dripped sauce down the front of my shirt from the fried pickles we shared. They found more common ground in their agreement on how clumsy and forgetful I can be. At one point, the discussion turned to how much weed I smoke. Things were getting out of hand! I thought I was about to have an intervention or something! We also talked about our children and how close they are in age. We hope to get everyone together soon. We could have a barbecue and let the kids run around. Things we never thought we would be comfortable with.

    We will continue to follow this path. There are ups and downs and we will make a million mistakes, but Lily and I love who we’ve become. We are who we are, and we can’t go back.

    This weekend we both have separate dates planned, so long as our kids don’t get us sick with their colds. I’m supposed to go to a concert with the side piece and Lily to a party with her boyfriend. So far, I am 0-1 on trying to make it to a concert this year. I had tickets go to waste after our kids got me sick just days before. By the time any of you read this, we should know whether I remained healthy and made it to the concert.

    We appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings. Please share your thoughts. Can you go back to vanilla life? Will you get to a point where you feel you are too old and it’s time to put the toys away?

    If you made it this far you might as well subscribe because the adventures will continue! In fact, We just returned from National Swingers Weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, MO! Such an amazing time! We have so many stories and pictures to share, so you won’t want to miss out!

    Thanks for reading!

    National Swingers Weekend 2021 Lake of the Ozarks, Mo

  • Switch Hit

    Switch Hit

    We have learned so much about ourselves by exploring our sexuality together. Not so long ago our feelings about sex, sexual desires and what turned us on looked completely different from what they are today.

    A few years ago, I posted a question in a local Facebook group we are a part of. A question I thought was straight forward, but have learned the answers were anything but conclusive.

    The question was simply, “Are you more dominant or more submissive?”

    From my naïve perspective at the time, it seemed like a very black and white, night and day question. You had to be one or the other, no?

    I couldn’t have been any further from reality.

    Many commented that they are switch, depending on the situation.

    Switch? It never occurred to me that someone could be both. Exploring multiple dynamics seemed so alluring. So simple but profound.

    Still I wanted clear answers. Ultimately I was actually trying to find out which women in the group were submissive, to be honest. Another naivety. Assuming that just being submissive, perhaps would make them easily be submissive to me. Again, completely wrong!

    I rephrased the question in a way to guide them to a precise answer. Urged them to pick a side! Everyone had to have a side, right?

    Wrong again! I get it now. There are so many variants to sexual play that it makes complete sense that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual desires could be any part of the spectrum at any given time.

    Desires change and evolve. You can choose to hold back or free yourself to safely explore where things may take you. If it’s something in the end you find you don’t like, you can always stop doing it.

    For example, you may not be interested in anal play, but your partner wants you to try it with them. Are you curious? Does part of your mind whisper, “maybe you’ll love it.” If it does, give it a try. The worse thing that could happen is you try something and you dislike it. If that happens, communicate it right away. Talk to your partner. Be honest about what specifically you didn’t like. Perhaps there is an adjustment that could be made. Otherwise, if it’s not for you, that is perfectly fine! No one is required to perform any level of sexual acts.

    Consent is so important and I can not stress it enough. If you don’t like something, stop, and communicate your feelings. Read all about my thoughts on consent in my previous blog post, https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2019/10/12/consent-is-everything/

    Typically, it seems women will play the submissive role. I personally love submissive women. One of the reasons I married Lily. But you must remember, and what I have learned is, just because someone is submissive, does not mean they will submit to just anyone, at least not completely. They must have trust in their partners. This trust must be built up in order to allow someone who is naturally submissive to completely come out of their shell. That or if they orgasm, then all bets are off! At least that is how Lily operates. In the end though, honesty and trust help everyone to feel safe to try new things without fear of ridicule.

    This all starts to get into the BDSM community a bit. I am not even going to pretend to know much about BDSM, but I am learning. Some of my new kinks and fetishes definitely dabble in that kink community. I would love to learn more. I hope to share more with all of you.

    There is an event coming up this weekend, “Beat Me in St. Louis.” See what they did there? Unfortunately we will not be able to attend. There is no way we can get that many days without kids. Perhaps in the future.

    Advertised as a three day fully immersive event. All the Kink and BDSM you could ask for. They have seminars and educational presentations. It will be completely “Vanilla-Free.” Sounds like one hell of an event and a great way to learn a lot at once about the BDSM community.

    cuffs

    Find more information for the event by following the link here, https://beatmeinstl.com/

    If you happen to go, send pics or just a short paragraph of your favorite thing about the event or even if there were things you didn’t like, share those too. We would love to hear all about it!

    Getting back to submissive people, women don’t always play this part. In fact it is pretty common to have a female Dominatrix, or Domme. Gender really plays no part in who is the dominant one.

    I have started to explore my submissive side this year and have discovered some amazing erotic feelings that I never knew existed. It is fascinating to allow your inhabitations go and truly immerse yourself in the moment. Submission is not giving up all control. In fact, the submissive has the most power of all. They carry the power to control how far their dominant counterpart may take them. They are the lead character in their sexual adventure.

    Allowing myself to switch has given me some of the most highly erotic experiences ever. I still love to be dominant, but in the right moments I am happy to switch.

    As I have said in the past, I am really trying to cut ties with all labels as much as possible. Why should they matter? Labels only serve to organize you into subsets or groups. Without labels, you are free to flow naturally from one experience to the next, without guilt or misunderstandings. No hierarchy needs to be created amongst you and your partners. Be dominant, be submissive, be anything that feels right at any moment.

    You should try to let go if you have not done so before, become the submissive. Allow yourself the experience of relinquishing your control. If you do this, feel free to report back! Tell us all the dirty details!

    Having a partner who explores your sexual desires and helps to push your boundaries definitely is a bonus; some may not have a partner, we know. There are so many singles in these scenes and you can absolutely get in. Of course, women are rarely turned away. You’d have to have really fucked up good if you are a female blacklisted from anything Lifestyle related. Or if you happen to be the single bluefish, just remember this, be yourself, be respectful. I know Lily has a few bluefish she is thankful to have met and have in our lives. We have one paying her a visit tonight.

    A lot has happened with us and there is so much I need to catch everyone up on. Topics to come include, “We’re Poly Now?” We will tell all about our first poly relationships and how we struggled to maintain our life while dealing with jealousy and other issues we did not see coming. We plan to discuss cuckolding, including adventures we have explored. Such hot, intense experiences. Perhaps give some details on the “punishment” Lily received in which a friend and I delayed her orgasm several times before fucking her to multiple orgasms.

    What else…? Oh! We have decided to jump on the Only Fans train and give it a shot. Why not? We have the equipment and the means to do it. It’s the consistency we lack. Perhaps with Lily being more the focal point of an Only Fans it will drive her to help me be consistent. We shall see. If we ever get accepted.

    Picture from www.Lifeinstylestl.com

    Also, BIIIIIG NEWS! We are going to National Swingers Weekend 2021 with the LifeinStyLe STL Group! Can NOT wait! Four nights on a lake property with hundreds, perhaps thousands of swingers and lifestyle party goers. There is entertainment every day with dinners and nightly themed parties! We missed last year but are so happy and excited to be a part of it this year!

    As always, please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions or opinions you’d like to relay, or if you just want to talk to someone like minded. We love talking to people from all over and learning about what works for them in this Lifestyle and what we can perhaps take away for ourselves.

    To all our followers, thanks for bearing with us. You are very much appreciated! To those who perhaps stumbled upon this, please follow. We promise, it won’t be boring. At least, we will try not to let it be boring. Until next time!

  • Running Out of Fucks

    “You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others.”-The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*uck

    This quote speaks volumes to me. It is a reminder that trying to please everyone is a loss cause. It will never happen. There will always be those who disapprove of your life choices, but in the end it is your life. Trust me, you are an inspiration to someone just the way you are! You are also the villain in someone’s story!

    One thing weighing heavy on my mind me these days, is the urge to be completely free of all social constructs . To live my life the way I see fit. How amazing would that be? Living on my own terms. Only allow positivity in my life and being who I am no matter what!

    We hold ourselves back from reaching our potential when we aren’t our true selves.

    In the movie, “Private Parts”, Howard Stern realizes in order to truly be great, he had to just be himself. He had to break through the negativity . There were so many that despised what he did but he kept doing it his way. In the movie he quits his mediocre job as a disk jockey at a country music station with nothing lined up, but he knew he was destine for something more.

    Private Parts (1997) – Plot Summary – IMDb

    I recall the scene where he has this epiphany. He is discussing his reasons for leaving a mediocre job and realizes what he must do going forward.

    Howard says, “It’s so apparent to me now what I should be doing. I should be talking about my personal life. I’ve got to get intimate. And every time I feel like I shouldn’t say something, maybe I should just blurt it out, you know? I just got to let things fly. I got to go all the way!”

    In that moment, Howard realizes that the only way he was going to achieve success and contentment is to “go all the way”. He couldn’t fake it.

    If you know anything about Stern, you know how this story ends. Whether you love him or hate him, his show was an extreme success and paved the way for so many who came after. He had no fucks to give.

    I absolutely loved the book, The Art of Not Giving a F*ck! Essentially, its mantra is not to give a fuck about anything that is not worth giving a fuck about. You only have so many fucks to give, after all and you don’t want to just waste fucks on anything and everything. People are going to talk! Let them. If you have not read the book, check it out. Highly recommended.

    See the source image
    [By Mark Manson] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Paperback) by Mark Manson (Author) (Paperback): Manson Mark: Amazon.com: Books

    Lily and I are adults. We love who we are and who we have become in our nearly 25 years together. We are not ashamed of our life and how we choose to live it. Ok maybe Lily is a little, but why should we be, why hide it? I don’t like to be fake to people. Perhaps we simply need to spend time with only those whom we don’t have to wear a mask around.

    If you have “friends” who are not comfortable with your life choices, they don’t need to be in your story. Kill off some characters in your story! If the Walking Dead can do it, so can you! (DO NOT ACTUALLY KILL PEOPLE). Leave them behind and pursue your happiness.

    A friend of mine likes to, “Filter” people. It’s as if she is sifting for gold. You get a shit ton of rocks before you ever grasp that morsel of fortune. It makes sense. There are so many people in this world. Meet them! Go on all the dates! Try everything that interests you. Don’t just dream about it. Go fucking do it! You might make amazing friends, lovers, sex partners! Sure, you won’t click with everyone, so filter them out!

    I understand the need to hide this lifestyle from family, co-workers, PTO Karens. But let them open their closets. Everyone has something and if they don’t they really need to get out more often.

    I recently told my younger brother that we are swingers. At the time, Lily had a boyfriend and I was seeing someone separately as well. We were dabbling in the poly world a bit. It’s been a crazy fucking start to the year! So much has happened. We will have to save that for another time.

    When I decided to tell my brother, I felt I needed someone close to me to know. He had confided in me when he found out he was to be a father unexpectedly, before he told our parents. It felt good to bond with him that way. To let him into my world a little more. There was a sense that he would be ok with it. I am not bringing him to any parties, although I am sure as a single guy he would appreciate it, but it feels good to be accepted by family no matter how twisted or unusual they your choices may be.

    He said that he never expected to be jealous that his older married brother gets more pussy than he does. I found that to be both eye opening and kind of awesome.

    One of our on going agreements is to always keep our vanilla world separate from our LS world. For good reason of course. We have children. We don’t ever want them to be shunned or treated differently because of the choices we make in our personal lives.

    When it is only our sex life, then it really doesn’t make sense to open up about it to anyone. It is no one’s business what goes on behind closed doors. However, in the last few months, our experiences have shifted our views. Is it so wrong to be out to dinner with someone else? What if we get caught? What difference does it make? We aren’t cheating. We aren’t doing anything harmful. So long as we are ok with it, it really makes none at all.

    Going forward the intent is to share more about ourselves. We haven’t even touched the surface.

    Some “friends” may get filtered out in the process, but those who remain and rise to the top will be the ones worth keeping.

    So we now realize this blog was created for selfish reasons. Writing these words will help to discover those who are meaningful to us and we will surround ourselves with an abundance of love.

    Perhaps one day, some confused person or persons may stumble upon this and find clarity through empathy. To see that there are many ways to love and live. They might realize the kink they hid wasn’t so unusual and there are many people who are the same and are unapologetic about it. Why do they get to not give a fuck? I want to stop giving a fuck too!

    Now am I going to go out tomorrow and shout from the roof tops that we are swingers and my wife and I have sex with other people? No. We are just not there yet. We will share more and more here and slowly, perhaps we build the courage to tell others. Then we can stop caring, stop worrying, stop giving a fuck and just be us.

    Hope yall stick around! Likely going to be a wild ride.

    As always, if there is a topic you would like discussed or a question you have, please send it, we will try to respond or perhaps cover the question in an entry.

    Thanks for reading!

  • When You Don’t Clique

    When You Don’t Clique

    Even in a lifestyle that claims to be accepting of all, there will always those who end up feeling left out or unwelcome. I hear it constantly. Sometimes it can be brought on by ourselves from failing to let go of our fears and insecurities. Other times we find ourselves standing on the outside of a circle or clique that seems impenetrable and we don’t really know why.

    When a couple or even a single begin their journey in the LS, they may have high hopes and grand expectations of how things will go for them. Big plans to explore their sexuality, fulfill their deepest fantasies and cross off some of their naughty “fuck-it list.” In order to do this, first they must meet the right people!

    There might be a struggle initially not knowing where or how to go about finding like-minded people for adult fun.

    (If this is a problem for you check out our blog post on how to meet others, https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2019/09/23/swinger-sites-and-other-ways-to-meet-lifestyle-friends/ )

    Once you meet some like-minded people, there tends to be a bit of a snowball effect. Especially if you start going to parties or Meet n Greets. You’ll quickly find the community is much bigger than you imagined but at the same time quite small depending on where you live.

    There may be some groups that have been around for awhile and built quite the following. Every gathering will have fresh faces but there will always that core group of regulars. There always seems to be a bunch who all know each other and appear to have been friends since high school or somwthing. They cling to one and other at every event and even seem to spend the majority of their non-party time together.

    This can be extremely intimidating for newcomers. That’s one thing that makes Meet n Greets less appealing to us. It seems to just turn into a group of friends hanging out, it becomes less of a swingers meet up and more like your basic Saturday night bar hop with college buddies.

    Another thing a newbie may encounter is a lack of connection once the party atmosphere has ended. Say you go to a party, you might hit it off really well with a few couples. Even perhaps get a bit entangled with someone but when the party’s over, never hear from them to hang out on the weekend or go have brunch with a group.

    There seems to be different levels as well. There are the hottest, highly attractive who kind of stick together, the bottom rung who maybe aren’t as attractive but still lots of fun who also form their own clique. Then there are people who kind of fall in the middle.

    We could be wrong, but we feel like that is us. The middle class, floaters. We seem to mingle with people in all levels but never feel fully at home in any faction of the group. Sort of like the misfits on the island of misfit toys. We can be fun to hang with at the parties but never quite make it to the the inner circle. And that’s okay. We never really got into all this to make best friends. It seems a lot of people have done that. They have to feel connected all the time and part of a group.

    The thing is once these “groups” form then the drama begins. We try to make it a point to keep clear of drama at all costs. Although this year we have seen our share of it. When these cliques and groups come together, someone is always left out. There is often some kind of falling out within the group for whatever reason which causes unnecessary turmoil. Many events become a high school reunion rather than a fantasy experience.  Who needs that?

    But what can be done?

    Sometimes it just is what it is. People are naturally drawn together for all kinds of reasons.

    According to a Kidshealth.org article from July 2018 reviewed by Kathryn Hoffses, PhD;  https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/cliques.html?view=ptr&WT.ac=t-ptr

    “Cliques attract people for different reasons: For some people, being popular or cool is the most important thing, and cliques give them a place where they can get this social status. Other people want to be in cliques because they don’t like to feel left out.”

    The funny thing is, this article was written for Teens.

    We once had someone tell us that if we are having a good time meeting couples and going on dates then we should skip the parties and Meet n Greets.

    They said, “It’s like high school again!”

    That kind of stuck with us. It does seem that way at times. We aren’t in the largest city in the U.S. and you quickly find out just how small the community is. As mentioned we often see many of the same people at these events. Many are just there for the drinks. Sometimes we wonder if certain people even ever play or if they are literally just there for the atmosphere. Every couple has their own dynamic. Everyone has their standards and boundaries, so that could be a real possibility.

    So, what can you do? Best advice we can give is just be you! I know it sounds cliché but honestly, it is the only thing you can do. You can’t control who wants to be your friend but you can control how you feel about yourself. When you go to events, try to look your best! Always dress to impress. We notice that is definitely an issue for men. There are so many that don’t even seem to try. Maybe their wife or SO is very sexy. Therefore, she becomes the focal point of their attraction. Then they become sort of one dimensional as a couple. Men in general just need to simply step up their game when it comes to fashion. Some of them show up to these events looking like they just rolled out of bed or left the gym and came straight over. It’s great that your wife looks so amazing’ so first question that comes to mind is, “Do you play separate”?

    There is always an exception to everything of course. We have met some of the most down to earth, attractive people in the LS as well. People, who in high school probably wouldn’t have even looked at us but now make us feel like we are part of something amazing and even have mindblowing sexual experiences with.

    As a couple we try to talk to anyone and everyone. You really never know where it may lead. Maybe they aren’t a sexual match but could be amazing people and having more friends is never a bad thing. You don’t have to have sex with everyone you meet. 

    Ha, “We don’t have to have sex with everyone we meet.” I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

    So, next time you are at a party or event, just put yourself out there. Talk to people. Be in the moment. Don’t get stagnant and stuck with one group or another. Make a sincere effort to reach out to people you haven’t talked to before. If at a party or meet, perhaps make it a point to meet 3-5 new people even if you spend most of your night with a certain group or hiding in the corner. Trust me, they are just as nervous as you are. You came all this way to fulfill you’re fantasies. Take that next step. Say hello to someone and don’t forget to smile!

    We are in an amazing place these days. So much is happening in 2021.

    If you have something you want covered or if there are any questions you have, please send us an email! Thanks for reading!

      

  • Swinging and Politics Don’t Mix

    Wow, what a hell of a year it’s been!

    We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.

    There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜


    This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.


    Also, there is a presidential election this year.

    We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.

    We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.

    So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.

    Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.

    This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.

    I know we’ve done this.

    We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.

    They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.

    Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.

    We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.

    We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.

    We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.

    We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.

    Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.

    Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.

    Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.

    If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.

    Until next time! Stay sexy and keep swingin!

  • Consent is Everything

    Consent is Everything

    Consent is everything in any potential sexual situation. Without proper consent people can feel violated, and the possibility of a great time can go south very quickly. There is a certain level of etiquette that goes along with the LS also. It is important to be very clear about what your intentions are.

    Recently we heard of a situation where a female who was naked at a party climbed on the lap of another’s husband and attempted to kiss him. Apparently this was an unwanted advance and it caused a bit of turmoil. His wife was upset and we feel it’s rightly so.

    You have to be sure you understand the dynamic of everyone’s relationship. LS rules are not one size fits all and this makes communication crucial. We were not there so the details we’ve heard were all one sided, but in this example if the naked woman spoke with the couple before deciding to mount the husband she may have found the interest level was not a match. Which would have saved her the embarrassment of being called out. You can never assume another is comfortable with your advances. This particular couple is new in the LS community. A situation like this really gives an awful preview of how things happen within the LS. It might even scare people away.

    Unfortunately this is a bit common. Women don’t seem to follow the same rules of consent as men do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure there are men out there doing the same things and are overly aggressive. In fact, at a recent party we ran into a bit of aggression.

    Lily was dancing with a man who she found attractive, but things took an ugly turn because he didn’t check her level of interest and became a bit too rough.

    Lily doesn’t mind some rough play; however, he crossed the line. As they danced he was asking her rules, which was good, but then he went in for a kiss. At first it was fine until he decided to bite her lip. She didn’t like that at all. It wasn’t like a pleasant nibble. It was like he was trying to take a chomp out of a steak! She pulled away quickly and wanted off the dance floor. I had no idea this was happening until she pulled me away to tell me. For a week she had a bruised lip which upset her even more due to the fact that she had to make something up to tell family and co-workers. Not cool!

    In this situation, had he asked if she was into that she would have said no and maybe he would have gotten further with her, but his aggression completely turned her off. It didn’t matter if he was her type or not. That was it for him!

    Always…Always…Always ask. Ask to touch, ask to kiss, ask ask ask. You will find everyone will feel much more comfortable and trusting with you if you ask. Some will say no but that’s ok! Not everyone will be into you and you won’t be into everyone either.

    There are many levels to different couple’s rules and boundaries. Even something as simple as trying to message or friend request someone’s SO can cause upset. If we get into a conversation with someone we will always make it a group conversation. This makes it very clear that we are not trying to pull anyone aside or be sneaky in any way. We see it all the time where someone will make a comment that a person contacted their SO and made advances without their knowledge. This only causes distrust. It breaks trust with you and between the couple. You don’t know their dynamic. They could be in a Dom/Sub relationship for example. In this case the sub would need permission to even talk to someone else.

    You must respect any and all boundaries put in place. That is what makes consent so crucial. You don’t know unless you ask! Many people find it sexy, polite, and they welcome it. However awkward you may think it feels to ask for something as simple as a touch, the outcome of a non-consensual advance will be a thousand times more awkward!

    Thank you once again for joining us! Tell us your thoughts on consent. We have some exciting posts we’re working on. We will cover our recent break from the LS, as well as the exciting party we attended prior to it. Hoping to finish all that up soon. If you enjoy this content please like, follow, and share! If you ever have any comments or questions please reach out to us! We don’t bite. Unless you’re cool with that!

  • To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    To Kiss or Not to Kiss

    There have been many conversations amongst LS acquaintances of ours about kissing. Some feel it’s too intimate, like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. They will give all of themselves to someone else but the lips are only for the one who they love. Others crave the sexual tension kissing builds and the connection it gives them with another person. It makes them feel wanted, sexy, and allows them to feel the chemistry they need to take it to the next level.

    Some argue that if you can have sex with someone who is not your significant other then you sure as hell should have no issue having a steamy make-out session. After all it is a vital part of foreplay, isn’t it?

    According to Bitishcouncil.org;

    “The dopamine released during a kiss can stimulate the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. As a result, we experience feelings of euphoria and addictive behaviour. Oxytocin, otherwise known as the ‘love hormone’, fosters feelings of affection and attachment.”

    https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/kiss-science-smooching

    Given this is what kissing can do to a person it makes perfect sense why some couples have reason to keep kissing to themselves. Though most we find in the LS have no ill intentions of taking your mate away and brush kissing off as a form of greeting among other like-minded people. Still it can give you pause with the realization of how strong it can effect you emotionally.

    So just how do some people even allow kissing to be on the table in an non-monogamous way without fear of destroying their own home?

    This is such an individualized thing. To have entered this lifestyle in the first place a couple must already have an extreme eternal trust. Lily and I have built a strong deep trust over the years. We tell each other everything. There should be no secrets between a lifestyle couple.  Or any couple for that matter. These experiences shared are not about one-upping or sneaking a quickie with someone else without your partner knowing. To us anyway, it’s all about experiencing it all together. There has to be a certain level of maturity and self awareness in order to make any of this work.

    We have encountered couples who don’t kiss on two occasions now. Surprisingly both were at LifeinStyleSTL Parties like the one we talk about in LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1.

    It is paramount to discuss your rules and be sure about what you as a couple will allow before any play. This alleviates any misunderstandings. Others should understand and respect those boundaries as they expect you to respect theirs.

    Dinner before meet n greet. We drank the whole bottle.

    Personally, we love kissing! We love the affection and the closeness. Yes, it is intimate but so is oral. We don’t have rules against kissing at all other than making sure the other is in agreement with who we are kissing.

    At a recent meet n greet I was kissed by two different women at separate times throughout the evening. Lily became slightly upset with me. Especially with the second one. We had some pretty intense kissing right next to her at the bar and I think she felt left out. I didn’t think anything of it but it really bothered her. It may have been more that we drank a whole bottle of wine before going out and her tipsy emotions got the best of her. She was done with the night and ready to go. It was a bit frustrating since there were so many people there we had been wanting to meet for a long time. Instead we found ourselves calling an Uber at 10:30 and she went silent for the rest of the evening.

    In hindsight I should have checked in with her before enjoying the lips of another and that was my error and lesson learned. Even though we are a couple who enjoys kissing it clearly can spark a bit of an uncomfortable situation if not discussed and agreed upon before.

    Kissing is intimate, it’s exhilarating, exciting, and oh so sexy! It can however bring up feelings in some people that may be unexpected whether you are the one kissing, being kissed, or witness to your significant other kissing. You as a couple must be honest and have a serious conversation if kissing is something you will allow or if you will keep it for yourselves.

    Tell us what you think! Are you a kissing couple? Do you share your lips or are they sealed from the lifestyle? There is no one way in the LS.

    Thanks for coming back to read our thoughts and experiences. If you have any questions that come up please do not hesitate to contact us. If there is something you would like discussed let us know and we are happy to see how we may tackle it! If you enjoy the content please be sure to like, subscribe and share with others! Kisses! 😘

  • Swinger Sites and Other Ways to Meet Lifestyle Friends

    We have been in the lifestyle for quite some time.  Having met as teenagers we found early in our relationship that sharing was an intoxicating exciting adventure we wanted to be a part of.  Still together close to half a century later our passion for the swinger lifestyle has grown immensely.  We are constantly looking for exciting new ways to meet other couples and even singles.

    From apps to swinger sites even twitter we will share a few we like what has worked for us!

    Swinger Sites

    There are so many sites these days. All the websites seem to be regional. We have signed up for many but have only forked over the money for two at this point.

    1. Swinglifestyle.com (SLS)

    https://www.swinglifestyle.com/autopilot/swinger468.cfm?signup=gdalecouple

    This was the first swinger site we ever joined.  We have been members for about seven years and have met some fun, sexy people through this website.  

    When we lived in California we found this site to be full of people just like us.  We took advantage of a one time fee to be Lifetime members.

    Known to most as SLS, it is, from what we have heard, one of the original lifestyle sites. It is fairly easy to use. Creating a profile is simple and straight forward. You will only need your email address and to complete their profile section. Then add some pictures and you are on your way.

    The search section is very easy to use and allows you to narrow the filter down to what kind of person or couple you are looking for. You can also search only paid members if you prefer.

    Members seem to be pretty active on this site. We have met and successfully had quite a few sexy encounters through the site.

    There is a section to post calendar events or “hot dates”.  If you are going to be going out and looking for someone to join you simply post a “Hot Date” with the details of what you are looking for.  Also many local and non-local events are listed.

    The messenger is a bit clunky and isn’t great for long conversations but it works well enough to get the fun started.  We usually will flip to Kik messenger like most people if the conversation is heating up.

    You will need to pay for this sites best features.  With a free account you can get a good look at everything that is provided and you may even receive messages but will not be able to send any or even reply.

    All in all we like this site.  It has worked well for us on the West Coast and the Midwest.  Though lately it has not been our goto but we still check it every now and again since we are lifetime members.

    2. Couple Fore Play (C4P)

    https://www.clubforeplay.com/

    Club Fore Play or C4P is another site we learned about in 2018. Of course it allows for profile creation and the ability to add pictures as with any of them. I don’t believe there is an ability to instant message in any way.

    There are three separate picture album categories. You have your public photo album. This is where you should post pics that will catch the eye of potential playmates. Then they have a restricted section. Non-paying members can’t see these which is kind of a cool feature but a bit unnecessary. Last you have your private photo album. This album is where your naughty pictures and even face pictures should go. You get to decide who sees them. You can remove access at any time.

    The email is pretty simple and even gives you a bunch of fun little emojis. It also gives the option to send the email as, Us, Him, or Her. That is pretty nice as a lot of times I will vet people and don’t want to start off as we are both responding.

    I don’t think they offer a lifetime membership but we have used it pretty often and met some great friends. We simply signed up for a year or two.

    Like SLS it has a section where all the local and regional events are taking place. You can sign up easily directly through the site for parties and meet n greets.

    There are features to send a wink with a brief message. It’s a nice little ice breaker to let someone know you are interested. We have received winks from couples who we then reached out to with an email.

    One thing I don’t care for, and actually it is like this on both sites, is that when you check out a profile the member(s) know that you have been looking. It would be nice to anonymously browse. I understand why they do it this way is to promote interaction but sometimes you are enticed by a profile picture only to find out once opening the entire profile that they may not be a match for you. It would be nice to have that person(s) not know unless you want them to.

    I am really only covering sites we are paid members on because it is difficult to review any of these sites as only a free member as you really don’t have access to everything. However there are many other sites very similar like SDC.com, Kasadie.com, older ones like Adultfriendfinder or Fetlife. There are so many available and most are regional. Let us know which you prefer and what has worked for you!

    PHONE APPS

    Another avenue is phone apps. Although we have not used this method all that much we gave a couple a try.

    Tinder

    Tinder was created as a local dating app and allows you to swipe right or left to decide if you are interested in someone. A connection is made when you both swipe the same right. You are then able to send a message to get to know the person.

    Never really had much luck with this app. You can go through all the photos in a day and only make a handful of connections. Out of those connections many didn’t even respond to a message sent. I have heard this is a hookup app but we did not experience that from it and really got nothing out of it’s use. Most people are single and it doesn’t really lend itself to couples though we have heard some people have success.

    3fun

    3fun is an app that advertises itself for threesomes and swingers. The problem with it right off is there just aren’t enough members. It is very regional and not quite enough people have signed up in this area as of yet. If they get the numbers up it could be pretty great. It is nice to not have to explain that you are part of a couple like in tinder. https://www.go3fun.co/ad/TK10121

    Social Media

    If you don’t know, you have got to find out! Social media seems to be the way to go to truly make meeting local swingers easy! You can quickly find out so much about the community around you with a simple hashtag!

    Twitter

    This is where we started. Twitter is a hot spot for naughty fun. We never knew there was a dirty secret side to twitter until we started listening to some of the Lifestyle Podcasts and the hosts would say to follow them on Twitter. Checking out their page would connect us to other pages with similar interest. Eventually we started to notice there were tons of sexy fun people in Twitter land who lived right in our own community or very close to it! This is how we discovered the LifeinstyleSTL group who throws those amazing parties like we talk about in https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2018/09/26/lifeinstyle-hotel-takeover-part-1/

    Meeting that group bust the local scene wide open for us and it was all thanks to Twitter.

    Twitter is so easy to use and you likely have an account. We love it because we find the anonymity sexy and alluring. We began sharing the occasional sexy picture here and there and interacting with a few podcasters. It is all about the hashtag. I fought for years with myself to never say hashtag. It was always the number sign or pound key but! Well I gave in! A few key hashtags will link you to a very sexy and explicit world where swingers, freaks, and sex fiends collide.

    At first we were very selective about who we allowed to follow us and we kept our account locked. That all changed when we met a few other people who used their account not only to interact with other sexy swingers but also to promote, grow, and even make money!

    We still maintain our anonymity but we are in several groups who retweet and share our posts to help us gain a larger audience. This is great for cam models or those who are looking to sell something. We haven’t quite crossed that line just yet but who knows what the future may hold?

    Ever since Tumblr cracked down on adult content Twitter has been flooded with people of all sexual appetites! While we personally do not use it as an avenue to meet others in the Lifestyle anymore due to one follower who kind of ruined it for us, it totally can be used in that way. With the amount of users it’s reach never seems to end.

    Facebook

    For meeting others local and vetting them quickly there is really no comparison. Facebook has become our go to for finding out the latest events and local gatherings. There are so many groups and they are all hidden. We have a profile specifically set up for these groups so it does not overlap into our vanilla world. We don’t know for sure but assume these private groups are likely the norm in most communities. For us it seemed like once we got into one we began being invited to others. We are in groups for just our city, others for surrounding cities, and even ones for our whole state or adjacent states.

    In these groups people share funny memes, everyday chit chat , and naughty pics. The pictures aren’t quite as naughty as twitter due to the strict policies. Many members often get their account suspended for pushing the limits. They end up in “Facebook jail”. This has happened to us a handful of times. Sometimes we’d challenge the suspension because there was no full nudity. Some of these rulings were reversed in our favor. Others we would serve a 24 hour suspension. I think the most we ever had was a few days. Which isn’t bad since we know some people who have had several 30 day suspensions. Nonetheless you have to be careful what you share. While you can still choose to be mostly anonymous if you’d like it is easy to be yourself in most of these groups and it really is beneficial to do so. You find out how small the swinger community is very quickly and it is easy to meet other play partners because these groups are so localized.

    We love Facebook for the easy of use and the ability to make friends easily. One piece of advice if you are going to create a Lifestyle profile. Make sure to block your personal profile. Otherwise your Lifestyle profile will be recommended to friends and family.

    I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything. I am terrible at follow up and there was a time where we considered creating a podcast instead. If you are still with me I thank you for coming back!

    We have been through so much this year in the Lifestyle. Recently we have hit a wall. We are needing to step aside a bit and focus on our relationship a bit. That being said I have so much I want to tell you all so I will try to keep posting. I am going to try to figure a way to explain what has happened to cause us to want to take a break. Unfortunately sometimes you run in to things you didn’t expect going in and they cause you to have to take some time to process before you are able to go forward.

    Although we love our naughty escapades, our marriage and family always come first.

    Thanks again for reading. Tell me if any of these options worked for you in your pursuit of sexiness!